Very good piece here, Bambi-J. I wanted more at the end, lol. It's good to leave them wanting more. Your ending place was perfect, in my opinion. The conversation is realistic, I can easily envision the encounter between Taylor and Vance, which I personally am a stickler about - make it realistic!
The only recommendation I have is regarding punctuation after dialog. Grammatically, it is correct to punctuate dialog the following way:
"I hope so," I told him.
"Maybe," he echoed.
Other than that, everything here is beautiful and to me, full of that indescribable moment :)
Keep writing and posting. I can't wait to read more@
I'd love to be a part of The Angel Army, if you'll have me. Have my writing "back going on", lol, and love reviewing and welcoming others. I am trying to get more members out of my writing friends database, lol.
Appreciate the consideration!
This is an amazing piece of writing. Very descriptive words brought me into the bedroom, sadly to scenes and smells I know. You were dead on, no pun intended. Your descriptions of the mother, detached, martyr-like were again, wonderful. I was able to easily feel what the son felt toward his mother. I can not recommend any improvements. This is perfect as it is. Descriptive, drawing the reader in, shocking them with family member's actions and responses to death. Keep writing. Let me know when you have something else out so I can read it.
After reading The Sound, I had to read another piece of your work. You are just flat out a talented writer and versatile, as well. This intrigued me from the beginning, as I enjoy stories written as a flashback, if you will. From your dialog being dead on for the character's ages, to the ill feeling conveyed throughout their plan and to the end, "I was drawn in. I simply can't think of anyway to improve this!
This piece should be published in every issue of NAMI, available in every psychiatrist's office, to every Dr., and to the family members of every individual living with Bi-polar, Depression, SAD, and Panic/Anxiety! You have taken a complex health condition and made it understandable, from the patient's perspective! Thank you! I appreciate the differences between your thoughts and feelings of the past, and those of the present and am grateful that you were alive the write the latter.
I have been living with first panic attacks, with the help of medication, downgraded to depressive/anxiety disorder for 21 years. For the past 10 years SAD, and this is the first year I have taken medication for that and been able to make it through the colder months in a much better way. I don't believe that that after all of this time many family members still have a clue of what this has been like. I think I will recommend they read this, as I could not say it any better. I, too, am a wall builder, and as I say, a climber outer of holes. Perhaps some of youir words will help them understand better.
Thank you for your writing. Please continue!
This is so stunning and beautiful. A concept, way of thinking of what remains behind after our loved ones pass I had never once thought. Yet, this blanket does explain it all. I was pulled into this fabric you wove and thought instantly of my father. Thank you for this piece. Now I understand and can see this piece left behind...
So beautifully said, and true. Finding myself 4 months from our daughter's wedding, this hits too close to home. Love the way you mention that when they began dating, you knew He was the one...I did, as well. The prayer for your daughter and soon to be son-in-law is so . Beautiful piece. Make sure you keep this to give to them down the road.to what I pray for our two
This is a wonderful piece of work and it was a pleasure to read. You beautifully captured the "idiosyncrasies" of manic depressive disorder and other mental health disorders. This is not easy to do, and you did it with respect and dignity, which I know I appreciate. This is such a wonderful story of love and support that I will be recommending it to those I know who are caregivers, as well as those experiencing mental disorders themselves. THANK YOU!
OMG..I will admit, when I started reading this, I wasn't sure what kind of review I would be giving. Not much later I was chuckling, and then out-right laughing, before busting my gut laughing! Wonderful description of the various degrees of chaos in the apartment. Very nice job detailing the obsession with the sound and the need for locating it. I can only say that I loved this story in its entirety! You made my day and I will be laughing about this for a while.
This is the first piece of humor I have reviewed and nothing will ever beat this!
Keep up the writing!
I love this poem! Your play on words, choice of words makes this a very sensual, sexual piece, without having to take the typical sexual route. The first paragraph is a grabber. Brilliant use of words referencing speech/writing to lead us into your breathtaking world. I'd love to see you write more in this unusual way. Excellent job!
This is a beautifully touching piece especially in this format. Short lines and few words. You have managed to capture such a range of grieving ans emotions. Thank you for creating this!
Very good job staying in character, writing in the tone you did, throughout this story. Good use of descriptive words to take the reader into the story by way of their senses. Despite being based on an old song, which I picked up on quite early, it was different, as well. This writing was fresher than the old song, even with the dialect and dialog. The only thing I would have recommended was a bit more description into the girl's reaction to the news of Liams suicide.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/malani
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.15 seconds at 8:12am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "