Thank you for your advice. I agree with you about pacing, its something I tend to struggle with and I found your insights to be helpful. I like it when I find these pieces of advice they help me understand more about writing, and why some of my stories don't sound right.
This is a very nice poem about a subject that should stir us all to do more, I think you did a wonderful job with this work.
I did think that it was a little repetitive and there could have been a little more variety. Now this repetitiveness does help drive the message home, and I didn't find it annoying so it works.
You did a great job with your poem! The last two lines, I thought, were powerful and moving.Your words throughout were well chosen and the whole poem was a beautiful expression of the power of words.
I had never heard of the Onzain form before, but I liked it. You seemed to have done an excellent job with this form and you worked in all your prompts, which is not always easy.
Keep up with the good work!
Hello Jacky!
It is a well written story and the suspense you built in the first three paragraphs is well done.
I suggest maybe finding another way to express your meaning in paragraph two instead of using "It was a catch twenty-two for sure." This is a common expression and it is used quite often. Your meaning is clear, but there might be a another way of say it without using a common saying.
In paragraph 3 you forgot "on" in the sentence "she could put her own spin 'on' it."
I was a little disappointed with the end I was kind of looking for more, but that could be just me.
I thought it came off pretty well and it was entertaining enough to keep me reading.
Keep up the good work!
TheMajor
This is a wonderful poem! Well written with a excellent message for us all. I can only offer praise and admiration for your work. It was truly enjoyable!
Thank you for writing such a beautiful work!
TheMajor
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/majorhazard117
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 8:13am on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
