This is very well written, I never was good with coming up with anything anywhere near this grand ;)
I did notice there were some periods and commas in some paragraphs but not others, but that may just be your writing style. That would be any end to any sory of level of critiquing I may do, because this is simply spendid (plus, I am horrible when it comes to comma splices and punctuation in my writing). It evokes so much emotion and I can feel the pain in the narrators words. Is this about you? It makes me sad!
Be good,
Janelle
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