This is ..."interesting". I was a little confused in the first section: Morty ordered "to go" but sat down and ate his nachos, then asked for a to go box. You might want to consider adding some more detail to that, maybe he ordered nachos, too? Or did he take them from his to go bag?
In the second section it says his bus card failed but he sat down and went somewhere? That, too is confusing...did the driver let him ride anyway? Where did he go?
I'm definitely curious to read more, I have too many unanswered questions about the characters and what they are doing and where they are going.
Thanks for the read!
How perfect! I teach high school robotics and the them this season is "SteamWorks" here is a link to the game animation https://goo.gl/snjK2E and 75K GPs!
What I did not like
There is nothing I disliked about your piece.
Suggestions/Corrections
The only "suggestion" I can provide, may or may not be relevant. In the last line you used the "sewed"...while the image of sewing is interesting, it is not usually associated with "oats"...the term more commonly used is: "sowed" as in "sowing seeds".
Final Thoughts
Keep writing, you have a thoughtful "voice". I hope to read more! Write On!
What I did not like
There was not any specific thing that I did not like about this piece.
Suggestions/Corrections
I would make a couple of suggestions that might improve the flow while assisting your reader's comprehension.
Your use of the word "duress" is confusing, your intent is not clear...you might want to re-visit that particular word choice.
Final Thoughts
I really like your thought process and your word choices.
~
Overall Impression : A touching tribute, fiction, or not. Well written with the right touch of honesty and bravado. A very good read.
Opening :
Your opening sets the tone quickly and efficiently.
Characters & Dialog :
Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation :
I noticed some minor grammatical/spelling issues that could use some attention.
Layed: 1st section and second section
You might review the use of "lay and "lie", as well as the proper conjugation of the verb - laid is past tense of lay and is normally used with objects. In the second usage, you do not need "had"
"ont he" and "int he" and "coupleof" : these are present in a couple of places...a simple typo...if you can, you might consider using the "spell check" function of your word processing program to catch these.
Number words of ten or less should be spelled out
"...make official..." needs an article, you could add, "it" between those two words
"...and suffereing than...bare." "suffering" is the proper spelling and "bare" should be 'bear'
Plot :
Without knowing whether this is based on a real experience, or not, the "plot" flows nicely, the "mystery" of what is going to happen is well hidden until the very end. I was pleasantly surprised by the ending.
Suggestions for Improvement
You have a little redundancy that weakens some of the wording and becomes distracting for the reader.
ex: first sentence "...at my surroundings"- could just delete that phrase; third sentence: "a deep breathe" if you are "inhaling" it is obviously a "breath"-could replace it with "deeply". Also, you "paused" in the first sentence then "stopped" in the fifth, without starting between.
Second paragraph: "...overpowered my mind..." you might consider changing that to "...overpowered me..."
Last paragraph of the first "section": "...died out my..." this could be stronger with ta simple "put out"
also, the transition to memory is pretty abrupt...I was not sure of the time frame until the third section...a little confusing.
It might be helpful to review the use of apostrophes, as well...in more than one instance you put them in where they are not needed. ex: partners...this is plural, not possessive; and "its" does not need one unless it can be written "it is"
In one place you refer to the "majestic oak" then later say that it is dead...you might want to make it more clear that it is one or the other.
~
I think this is a wonderful story. I hope I am not being too picky. All of these are minor alterations that should make your writing stronger.
"The pain within"
Overall Impression
A succinct insight into the soul!
What I liked
I really liked was the complete picture you managed to portray in so few lines.
What I did not like
While it's really not for this category...I will be looking for the cause of the "The noise, the cacophony,
the devilish laughter, the animal ways"
Suggestions/Corrections
I have no suggestions or corrections.
Final Thoughts
I have read some of you other work and this does not disappoint. Thank you for sharing!
~
Overall Impression : I am not certain if this is prose or or truth.
Opening :
A very good opening that catches the readers attention.
Characters & Dialog :
There was no dialog, as such. The narrating character is becoming well developed as the chapter comes to a close and a hint of the daughter is revealed. Good job!
Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation :
I did not notice anything in these areas that required comment.
Plot :
It is a little hard to say much about the plot since I am not certain this is fiction. If it is fiction...you have done an awesome job creating a realistic situation and extremely believable characters. If it is non-fiction...I can only weep with you. While I have never had to deal with this situation with a child, I have lived with mental illness in the person of my mother. This is a very moving piece of writing, I applaud you!
Suggestions for Improvement
They are littered puppets, their strings tangled and frayed.
Nothing more, than dewy-eyed demon's playthings.
What I did not like
While this is not my favorite genre, I cannot say there is anything about your piece that I did not like!
Suggestions/Corrections
In the second line you use the word "wonder" (as in: I wonder where I put my car keys?), in this context I think you may have meant to use "wander" (Small children must be watched lest they wander away and get lost).
You have some rhymes but, I could not determine your rhyme scheme...maybe there wasn't one and the rhymes were unintentional?
Final Thoughts
I'm glad your muse has returned!
Thanks for the interesting read! Write On!
Your opening did an excellent job of grabbing my attention and leading me into the meat of your story.
Characters & Dialog :
Your characters were well developed for such a short story and your dialog did an excellent job of moving the story along. If you were to do a revision, you might want to consider altering the language to emphasize the "alien" aspect of your characters.
Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation :
I did not notice any errors in these areas. Good job!
Plot :
Great plot! I knew the objects described were common, everyday items but, could not deduce their identities! I loved your plot twist, as well.
Suggestions for Improvement
I cannot think of any suggestions other than those listed above. I look forward to reading more of your work! Well done!
Another soul saved by a random fact of the universe!
What I liked
The ray of hope that ended your piece was my favorite.
What I did not like
Nothing I did not like!
Suggestions/Corrections
You made a great start with this piece. It might benefit from a couple of editing passes. One to add some commas to give the reader a chance to catch her breath. The second to tighten your wording. Poetry is a medium that celebrates terseness. The use of the fewest words to generate the emotions/ideas/images the author is eliciting.
I liked the hope you express at the end, wanting to start over.
What I did not like
There really was not anything I disliked about this piece.
Suggestions/Corrections
I think you may have left out a couple of apostrophes. The first is in the second line of the second stanza: I think you meant to write "I'll" rather than "ill". The second was in the second line of the third stanza: "lets" should be "let's" (this is a common mistake, the apostrophe is used to replace the "u" of "us" in "let us").
Final Thoughts
Your rhyme scheme is a little sporadic, without a definite pattern (not that it has to have one!). Most times poems with rhyme schemes have a pattern of some kind, even if it not always obvious.
Your opening was just right. It caught my interest immediately and I was drawn deftly into the story.
Characters & Dialog :
Not a lot of dialog, it wasn't really needed. The dialog you did have was appropriate and aided the progression of the story.
Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation :
I spotted a couple of things that might warrant a second look.
1. In the second paragraph you say: "even though it spoke of the icy winter roads that followed it" the use of the second "it" is a little awkward, see how it reads without it.
2. In the third paragraph this phrase, "...and the fourth grade party that lay there." is a tad awkward, as well. a party doesn't usually "lay". You could delete everything after "party" and the sentence would be much stronger, and the image a little more vivid.
Plot :
Excellent plot! I think you could easily expand this to more chapters and have a superb horror story.
Suggestions for Improvement
Only the ones listed above. Great job, excellent suspense!
~
What I liked
I liked you rhyme scheme, as well as the rhythm of your poem. I particularly liked these lines: "They wait to cast their demonic spells,
in the black home where evil dwells."
and I loved your illustration! Perfect!
What I did not like
Not a single thing!
Suggestions/Corrections
No suggestions!
Final Thoughts
I really liked it, it truly struck the perfect note for the season!
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: Aaagh! Where's the rest? I will anxiously await the sequel!!! 
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I am not certain if this is prose or or truth.