I like the way you use genre to make us think you are taking one direction, and then the story changes genre, twice more, to the point it has no genre at all. You go from a story that seems to be a suspense about a sexual predator, then changes into a social observation, into a suicidal story, into a motivational story. (Wolf) Williams plays in this story with the readers way of judging a situation, he creates alternate outcomes from what we expect, and takes those who were seeking a sad ending into having to confront the reality that 'Maybe life isn't so bad after all.'
You really did surprise me (Wolf) Williams.
Great story!
Nicola Nicolai,
You have the potential of a Popular writer. I don’t know if you are published, yet reading through this story provided me with the kind of experience only a professional can design. The reader is drawn to your tale. It’s impossible to begin reading ‘Nature’s Gallows’ and not end it. Curiosity grabs the reader’s eyes. The images of the forest, the students, the tree at the clearing, the ribbon; How magically abstract! At moments it seems like I hear the Muse that inspires writers like Guillermo Del Toro and Stephen King.
‘The crunching of dead leaves and twigs underfoot echoed in the otherwise eerily quiet autumnal woods. After only 15 minutes of walking, the originally refreshing crisp cool air had morphed into a biting chill as the wind lashed out its tongue and stung the faces of the explorers’
Lyrical, the words twirl in the wind of this chilled atmosphere. The use of ‘underfoot’, ‘morphed’, ‘biting’, ‘lashed out its tougue’, is a beautifully aggressive word choice, readers think twice of your images, enough to fix the shades in our minds, carrying on with lingering shadows, inexplicable throughout the work, the voice is capturing and entertaining due the personality of its descriptions.
Also the use of ‘Otherwise’, and ‘Originally’; gives the feeling that things could be right, but they are not. This tone is later carried out further by Vincent’s dialogue, ‘It’s not normal for the woods to be this quiet. Where are the birds? The squirrels?’
Your description of the tree is amazing. But going further from style and tone I especially enjoyed the unresolved conversation about witches. This is where we find the thickest substance of this story’s theme. We see the personality of the characters, along with important questions, such as; Was she a witch or was she not? We only know that the place appears to be hunted by a lack of peace. After the ribbon, logic no longer directs the outcome of the story, things become like the imaginations of H. P Lovecraft; blurry, paranoid, and delightfully mysterious. These plots add to stories abstract quality.
Thank You for sharing your story!
Seres J. A. Magana.
20-Mike-14,
This flash fiction about sharing secrets is a good lesson in literature.
Like the scene in Omar Rodriguez Lopez's 'The Sentimental Engine Slayer' in which the main character's friend shares a secret with him at the same time he aims a gun to his face.
Secrets are a dangerous thing and this story sure show it.
'Never Tell' is creepy,
'Insane, high-pitch laughter bounce off the walls...'
''I love you, sis'
All this brushes make for a sickening and frightening ride. Great Job!
Lily Rowe,
I enjoyed your story. Mystery invites to think outside the box into things that are dark and revealing. The crossword case has all figures in the right place (The inspector, Webster, Juniper, Peggy, the crossword) and all pieces interact nicely… all the characters need is areas of their personality to be highlighted, but only gently. I hope my review will be helpful.
‘"This is he. Did I do something wrong inspector?"’
As I understand he knows the inspector. Is he being sarcastic? Would you say this sentence speak well for Webster? Perhaps to make Webster’s pronunciation clearer (without being described by the narrator – the dialogue is good as it stands) maybe another moment where Webster is acting with the same intent you meant here will help the reader perceive what kind of character Webster is. Example: Another moment of sarcasm – if sarcasm is what he intended.
‘Ace gave him the crossword; the three men gathered around the crossword.’
I like what you are doing here. The irony that the characters are trying to solve a problem that revolves around a crossword sets a nice tone to the story.
Perhaps in the composition of this sentence it would be better to only mention ‘crossword’ once. (A question to approach this. How do we better master the feeling the crossword adds to the story; by repeating the word, saying it once… or is there another way?)
The scene already puts a good emphasis on the crossword, making it effectively mysterious.
‘They groped for some other meaning in the song’
Great way to set the suspense! Nice.
‘Challenge to the reader: You technically have all the information pertinent to the correct solution, but just to give you the third thing that was far more difficult to catch, motive, I will tell you where Juniper went and what she found there.’
In Creative Writing Class there is a technique that says ‘Show me instead of telling me.’
The best way to challenge a reader is to simply challenge the reader. This break in the story is abrupt and doesn’t need to be written… just take us straight to the challenge. You don’t need to warn us, warnings make the challenge easy, so if you want to make it a challenge for an experienced reader then take us straight through the suspense of your story. Mystery is maintained presenting facts along with an irreparable lack of explanation.
‘Juniper said. “Let’s go finish our books.”’
So the story ends on Juniper’s cue. Very nice! The story starts with Webster and ends with Juniper. The transition is successful. I would like to know more about the character’s backgrounds. You can show us through their actions in order to keep the story vague.
‘The Crossword Case’
Lily Rowe
Review Journal by:
Seres J. A. Magana
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