Inspiring and very comforting piece for those who are bereaved, mourning and grieving for the dear ones they would not see again. the hope of the presence of the Almighty and His lovingkindness shows through the single leaf that falls to catch the tear of the agrieved father. I like the gently softness in this short story and its caming effect on the soul. Nice piece.
You are one hundred percent correct. I often wonder where 'creativity' fits in with all these'fast food' type of craft tools. when I read stories written by Jane Austen and study her biography, I become the more convinced that nothing in writing is better than writing from experience. In addition to this, I also find that I'm able to use all the senses when I write from what I know.
i like your piece, it is a real eye-opener. I don't know but somehow i felt like I was reading a piece written by a woman -- I felt like the writing style was feminine--like a woman's voice.
Nice piece though.
Motivational, great testimony. Since it is just a narrative essay, I find the writing satifactory.
A note though:
"I cant do that...(you used over four dots but elipeses--that is the doted line in dialogues--are either three or four, depending on whether you are continuing the sentence, like in a pause or if the sentence is ending. Three dots are used for the pause and the four for when the sentence is ending.
I like your ending which encourages us to tap into the grace of God for the tragic world we live in--it's a good advice, not because I am named grace.
This is a very good inspirational piece. I am personally touched by the 'personal' nature of the content and I pray that most of the real people in the story will read it for themselves. It is good to celebrate the important people in our lives and to let the worl know that it is not completely 'lost.' There are still some 'shining stars' out there. All we have to do is look around us and our days will be full of gratitude.
I like your play on words but I was wondering, is the sun ever gentle? But I love the ending and emotion of stability, focus and ...'only you' sense. Despite the different elements, it's only you i see. Nice.
I like the liberating flare of the poem and the style to play in the SNAP as well asthe STRINGS. My comment is with snap stanza the subject was 'I' but you ended with (they) 'people' and that sort of slightly changed the tone. You did well with the SDTRINGS by maintaining 'I'. I know it's a poem and you can play around with form but for consistence, it will be nice to stick to the subject you'rer dealing with.
Nice, revolutional, piece.
It is interesting. My suggestions:
Maybe you should consider splitting it into two verses as you have two thoughts running through: "Love" in the first verse and "error" in the second verse. Good Luck.
maamegrace.
Funny but this is the reality of many nine to five workers. It sounds like the bottled-up writer who is frustrated for the lack of time from the bread-winner to be able to set the creative wings free to fly higher heights. many people will agree with the poem if only they can have time to read it.
I was thinking, maybe you can put them in verses to attract readers. Not many people like reading long poems in one chunk.
I want to take a guess:
A corn or wheat field ready for harvest is about to be swamped by locusts. The creatures approach like a dark cloud about to set loose a storm on a sleeping farming village. The creatures are resisting every strategy the farmers are pulling out from the book to stop them. As the eminent devastation stretches across the entire village, farmers despair of the year's harvest.
--My reason for the above recap is to try to get an idea of of what is hidden in the 22-word story. If my guess is right or close to it, then you were able to communicate in the limited words.
it is a nice poem in content and rhyming. But I was thinking, maybe you can add another verse in the form of the third verse so that the poem will complete the rhyming sequence.
I like the the way you bring in the third verse in the longer form: it brings out a differerent feel. Also the content is true to the subject and has the elements of homelessness.
Now I know whose port I've been checking. I still can't get that story off my head-- Sara's port. It's a great story and very appropriate for the site. I'll go check on the others.
Maamegrace.
Oh it's beautifully romantic in that sad, fading way. It touches my heart and I pray that I may not live through something like that with my partner.
It rhymes as well and it's poignant to the point. I like it.
maamegrace.
I found it hard to read at first but then realised that you've intentionally inserted the lyrics. It is well written and beautifully presented.
I have these suggestions:
1. The first line of dialogue had no tag even though the following paragraph explained that Father was speaking. Since it is the first line of dialogue, you may want to clearly establish the speaker with a dialogue tag, preferably "said" and leave out the tags as it becomes clearer who is speaking.
2. “Eleanor,” Father reproached with a clatter of his fork to his plate. “You could have at least said it in a much nicer way. Can you imagine what it must feel like to her--?”
this is the first time you introduced a diologue tag and you used reproach(ed) as a tag. I thought you could use 'said' and qualify it with reproach--as a beat to the dialogue.
for example: "Eleanor, you could have at least said it in a much nicer way," Father said with reproach, making a clatter with his fork to his plate. "Can you imagine what it must feel like to her--?"
Very encouraging and relaxing. It would have been nice if you had incorporated the source of all those gifts or did you leave it like that for people to plug in according to their beliefs?
It is vivid and easy to read, flowing smoothly with a rugged feel of pain. the pain could be felt, I was trying to be in the person's shoes as I read and I felt it so it defnitely served the purpose. I like it, good poem.
Please, dialogue, dialogue and please let them show how they affect each other. Especially the first day that the narrator thought the person has his heart. what made the narrator think like that? show it.
I like your descriptions, they are great but you have to cut down on it and bring in dialogue, reflection and the conflicts.
Why not put a conflict of emotions between them at their first meeting and develop it to the point where she accepted to goout with him and then the date to the coffee shop. And give some electrifying dialogue between them over the hot chocolates before the velvet-covered box.
It is well written though, interesting piece.
Nice piece. So was Mara a ghost or what? Also the doteted lines (the elipses ...) some of them are three and others four, you might want to stick to one style. It is usually three.
Did you mean "a thousand faces or farces?"
It is very insightful and emotional. Please what piece of writing is this?
I think you may want to check the "its" it looks like it should be "it's" instead. and there were places where you have tags of said, so maybe you should put those words in quotation marks. And usually the said tag comes after the speech, separated by a comma or whatever punctuation mark but not a full stop. On the whole though it is quiet sad and as I read, I thought about it as something most of us married ones will someday say.
Great! I am a christian so I just felt at home with the piece and I think it is good of you to use such an avenue to tell the world about the fact that love is an acting word. and also that loving God and our neighbours sums up the Law. God bless you and everyone who reads it.
I am not into vampire/ghost or horror but my curiosity was piqued and I wanted to read on to find what happened to the five year old trapped in a fifty years body/spirit.
I would like to read on to find how you work out the body and soul of vitality as different from the spirit. Yes I think it is catchy enough to hook people who want to continue to read.
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