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206 Total Reviews Given
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Review of The Journey  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Short and to the point. I especially enjoyed the fact that your story almost felt like free form poetry. It really captures emotions and feelings which I am familiar with and brought them before me once again. If I ever wanted to face my inner self full on I think reading this would summon it right up. It certainly did this time.
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a heartfelt piece and a beautiful perspective of first love. It made me think back to my first love and how precious he was to me, how difficult it was to let him go.

I notice that it's a free form type poem. All of the poetry I've read of yours is. It might be fun to experiment with other formats as well. Combining your heartfelt emotions with rhyme, meter or both could be stunning and I'd love to read the result!

Once again, I really enjoyed this one. Fantastic job!

-M
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Review of Incubus  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I honestly couldn't find any technical errors here and I don't have much to critique. The truth is I loved the spooky, Gothic feel of this short piece. The language you use makes me feel like it is set in the past, but I didn't notice any other proof of time period.

My favorite part:
Your prolific production of graphic incubus is needed in the service of our clients. Therefore you have been conscripted as my private dreamer for the duration. I laughed so hard. Of course I felt badly for the main character but, lol, private dreamer, poor guy!

It is completely appropriate for the publication you've chosen as your target. The only thing I noticed which I would ask you to change, was that you did not add the required Terrace information at the bottom of your entry. At this point that is moot however, as the assignment has been judged. I just thought it should be mentioned. Best of luck with your submission!

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow, with all of that going on in your life you must have a ton more to write. I find the more stress the more I need my writing. It is the one thing which fully relaxes me besides a hot tub that is. :)

I think I saw bits of rainbow in there which you didn't list at the end. For example one lucky eleven year old boy has your love and support during his troubled childhood, as did his siblings. Also your daughter and her family came out of the car crash in a fairly good state physically.

There's no doubt that your writing is clear, concise and well organized. I'm not sure I could have written about my personal trials in such an organized passion. I can really feel for what you've been going through.

On a more personal note, I think doctors are wrong to say turn your back on what causes you stress. I think it's more of a change in how you take in what happens then in what happens. Stress is such a difficult thing because it is the mixture of events and our internal reaction to them. Of course you can avoid signing up for new experiences which might be stressful or volunteering for stressful tasks, but stress has a way of coming right in your front door when you aren't looking.

Best of luck with this. My father has suffered four heart attacks, been through a quadruple bipass and now has a pacemaker. His brother has a similar history. His mother died from a heart attack at 36. I am 36. All my life I've tried to find ways to deal with stress. If you ever want to chat drop me an email.

Happy Writing,
-M

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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This feels like the beginning of the first chapter of a book. I enjoyed reading it a great deal and was sad to see it end. There's definitely more to be said here. I was left wondering about Gabby, Daniel and Plank Town. I wanted to know if Callum/Frost would ever go with them. I also wondered if Callum would discover that there was more to the magic dream world of books than meets the eye, or if he really was done with such things, trapped in a world of hard reality that allowed for no magic. I was surprised to find that no one had rated this before, so here's my opinion and my rating too.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Dark Feelings  Open in new Window.
for entry "Chapter 1" Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Matt,

Isn't it funny I just reviewed a piece of your work for the first time, and here goes a second one. Your last entry on this was 2005 and you left it off with the word He as the beginning of a sentence. You're driving me nuts, but I really wanted to read today, and as I suspected I'm really enjoying browsing your port. All I want is for you to keep writing!!!

So, here we have your very first fanfic which is just awesome. I like the premise a lot. I've always wondered why Harry was such a stable kid in comparison to his trials. I mean isn't he a bit too well adjusted? He has little tempers and such but overall... What I'm saying is, I like the way you began the fic and it was moving along quite nicely.

Can I help you finish it? LOL Seriously though, if there's anything I can do to convince you to continue any of the stories I review for you today let me know.

I gave this a 4 because it needs editing and is unfinished. When it's finished I'll give you a line by line if you want. Most of your errors are the little ones everyone makes when working on a first draft.

Hope you're having a good trip. When you come back write me!

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Espa Norva  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
...Write More! Now!!!

Okay, now that I've gotten that out of my system. I will give this a 5 when it's finished and edited because you have a great idea. I can't wait to see you add to it. When you're ready to look at technical details such as spelling and pov errors let me know. I'll gladly give you a line by line so you can get it shipped off for submission in tip top condition.

I love the story concept and I can't wait to learn more about the characters. Leo is loveable and adorable, Scorpio is easy to identify with, Espa is every bit the mystery he should be. Keep me posted as you write more, please? You started this in '04, you just have to write on it again, really!

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Heaven  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
You've done a lovely job here of giving the poem the feel of a traditional, old time love poem. I really love it! It makes the horse seem like your greatest treasure, and I know that when you were 11 it surely was. You have a talent for conveying true emotion with words. Fantastic job!

At times the poem does seem awkward to me.

Seeing the beautiful creatures,
Shining in sev'ral shades of brown and black

On whole the earth no better place be found.

These two moments are the ones were I notice it seeming awkward and yet I cannot tell you how to improve this.

Overall the poem is very nearly perfect to me.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
The emotions in this can be understood by anyone here on writing.com. Some days I just get up feeling this way. I think who am I to review other people's work? I can't even get my own work published and here I sit telling someone else to submit their work for publication. Or I think that I don't know anything the writer doesn't already know.

I think you should revisit this and polish it up. It was good reading your experience. I could relate to your feelings. There were technical errors such as:

My gift was gifted by anonymous,a bit sad, but understandable.
You just need a space between anonymous, and a.

It was almost completed, waiting at my notepad for me to return and finish it.
I think on would work better than at in this sentence.

I had turned a silent member.
would be better as
I had turned into a silent member.
or
I had become a silent member.

Also you have some sentence fragments in places which make this flow like a free verse poem at times. It isn't necessarily a bad effect.

The thing is, emotionally this is dead on, and I think it has great value. As people read it, it will help them feel less alone. I know it did that for me. So, basically, I'd like to encourage you to revisit this and polish it up a bit. You did a great job of capturing the feeling of being new at writing.com and receiving the first sign that someone has noticed you, and thinks you have great potential as a member. It can be overwhelming.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Voiceless  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You did a fantastic job on this. I was held to the end by it and sad to leave Melanie behind. I'd like to know what happens with the finger. What a terrible thing to find. I'd also like to know more about her past, yet in another way I don't want to know because it must have been terrible. I have a few suggestions for revisions:

Sometimes Aunt Bertha would find her staring out onto the countryside, as if lost some memory.
Sometimes Aunt Bertha would find her staring out onto the countryside, as if lost in some memory.

“Maybe I never spoke?” she would think to herself. Maybe I was born this way. I don’t know…I just don’t know!”
“Maybe I never spoke?” she would think to herself. "Maybe I was born this way. I don’t know…I just don’t know!”

“Just try to be at peace, she told herself. Don’t think about things you cannot change.”
“Just try to be at peace," she told herself. "Don’t think about things you cannot change.”

It had startled her so during the memory that had not realized the scream.
It had startled her so during the memory that she had not realized the scream.

Great job and wonderful character!

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Fleeting  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I felt terrible for Zuri at the end of this. She is obviously in a very bad situation and really struggling. I was worried she might be in real danger. You did a fantastic job of making me care about your main character.

I found a few sentences which may need correction.

She glanced to at Butch for support.
at is better than to here I think, but one or the other should be deleted

“Well, with all of the running you do trying to work two jobs “said her mother looking at Butch, “you have to take better care of your body.
“Well, with all of the running you do trying to work two jobs," said her mother looking at Butch, “you have to take better care of your body.

“I don’t know why he is so busy.” her mother muttered under her breath to her husband.
“I don’t know why he is so busy,” her mother muttered under her breath to her husband.
or, depending on how you meant it to be read
“I don’t know why he is so busy.” Her mother muttered under her breath to her husband.

Zuri quickly interjected, “Butch, why don’t you tell them how hard its been find something, I mean, like something that is good for you?!”
it's not its

Dealing with that “crazy white boy”, Zuri never could just ever take the safe, conventional stay-in-your-race way of living life.
I'd delete ever for a smoother read from between just and take

The only other change I'd recommend would be to make the ending more clear. This depends on the feeling you wish to give the reader. Was she dreaming or hallucinating? Why doesn't she visit her family? This might just be me wanting more story, but in the end I thought there should be something more. Great job with this story! Keep up the great writing.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Bound By Love  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A touching poem which speaks volumes without using many words. I felt for the writer. It made my heart glad that things went well and I really could understand all of the trials that came before the poem. This is very nicely written.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an adorable tale to tell to a child. I think you wrote it very well. At the very end there was some dialog I found confusing:

She cried and said, "Black unicorn, please forgive me, and make my step-mother Queen again and for the mystical land and creatures to always be cared for, protected and loved."

I'm guessing for the should be make.

It reminds me of the bedtime tales my aunt used to tell my cousins and I, where one of us always got a starring role. Thank you for sharing it.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Angelic Voices  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a very nice piece and emotional as well. The plot is well developed and you do a great job of conveying the theme.

Occasionally I felt as if I was reading the description or outline of a story instead of the full blown thing. I think two factors contribute to this. One is a lack of description that lets readers see the characters, and settings. The other is the fact that the reader never sees inside any of the characters.

I suggest you narrow in on one or two important people and settings and put a bit more description down around them. Let your readers see what you see in your minds eye. Then, pick a focus character who's feelings and thoughts the reader will occasionally know. I think those steps will bring your story from great to absolutely fantastic!

Lastly, in the following sentences Sister Clarah becomes Sister Clara:

Before anyone knew what happened, the knife found Sister Clara.

They hurried off, rolling Sister Clara away.

The most beautiful music came from outside Sister Clara's room.


Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Your Creation  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I found this to be chilling, an effect which I suspect you were trying for. Excellent work! I'm really impressed with the depth of emotion in these lyrics. You express a deep bitterness through them and it feels very real. I'm glad I got the chance to read them.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Take Me There  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
This is a very romantic poem about something so illusive one can't say exactly how it's found. It's not a new topic but you do a good job of making your poem unique. It has a nice flow to it, and a sexy kind of feel. Nicely done.

My favorite thing about it is the way it flows. If I were trying to improve it I'd suggest loading it with even more personal feeling and energy. To me it feels a bit too controlled (and that's just to me, I'm sure others will feel differently).

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Good work on this romantic tale. I enjoyed watching as Mackie and Victor found their mutual feelings for each other. I have some suggestions, purely technical, for revisions below.

Those thoughts had crumbled as soon as she had seen Alex in bed with another woman, and him telling her that she no good and that she wasn't worth the air that he breathed.
Those thoughts had crumbled as soon as she had seen Alex in bed with another woman. Him telling her that she was no good and that she wasn't worth the air that he breathed had done plenty of damage as well.
or
Those thoughts had crumbled as soon as she had seen Alex in bed with another woman. Then he'd told her that she was no good and that she wasn't worth the air that he breathed.

Victor had always been there for her and even though she hadn't talked with him in some time.
Victor had always been there for her, and even though she hadn't talked with him in some time she hoped that would still hold true.
or
Victor had always been there for her, but she hadn't talked with him in some time.

She couldn't go back to her mother's, since they had ceased communication since she was sixteen years old.
She couldn't go back to her mother's, since they had ceased communication when she was sixteen years old.
or
She couldn't go back to her mother's. They hadn't communicated since she was sixteen years old.

She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it, finding herself feeling embarrassed and at total loss.
She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it, feeling embarrassed and at total loss.

Maria led Mackenzie to an oversized bathroom with a beautful white bear paw tub.
beautiful

She had placed her long red air on the top of her head, so none of it would get wet until she wanted it to.
long red hair

It felt like forever since she had had a nice bath, one that made you tingle from head to toe without cringing about thinking about when the last time the tub.
I'm not sure where you were going with this one. Maybe:
It felt like forever since she had had a nice bath, one that made you tingle from head to toe without cringing about thinking about the past.

He had owned and ran the bank which was used by everyone in the entire town, and her older brother, Samuel, who was just a big redhead like she, now owned it.
He had owned and run the bank which was used by everyone in the entire town. Her older brother, Samuel, who was just a big redhead like she, now owned it.

She just hadn't been able to be located.
He just hadn't been able to be locate her.
or
No one had been able to be locate her.

Putting her hair behind her ear, she smiled and sat down next to him in an overstuffed victorian chair, with apolostry that matched the couch.
upholstery that matched the couch.

He was still dashing and handsome, and the most sweetest man that she had ever come across.
He was still dashing and handsome, and the sweetest man that she had ever come across.

He grinned as he walked over to the refrigerator and searched for anything that sounded appitising.
appetizing.

"You can't cook?" She inquiered.
"You can't cook?" She inquired.

The dream had been about Alex and Victor and how they had faught together and how they both had died.
The dream had been about Alex and Victor and how they had fought together and both died.

His daughter would be able to actually meet Mackenzie, before she ran off to that birthday part for her friend Morgan.
birthday party

When she felt her backside his the bed, she focused back on Victor and grinned as he loomed over her, with both hands on both side of her head.
When she felt her backside hit the bed, she focused back on Victor and grinned as he loomed over her, with both hands on both sides of her head.

She was been a seductress in the ways of loving a man, but she was so out of shape, far from being what she used to be.
She had been a seductress in the ways of loving a man, but she was so out of shape, far from being what she used to be.

"I don't know what I'm feeling, I've felt this way before."
"I don't know what I'm feeling, I've never felt this way before."

"She looked up at him.
She looked up at him.

like I've never done any of this before.
like I've never done any of this before."

When she smiled, he knew he had won and when they coupled, it was as wild and as electrifying as he knew it would.
When she smiled, he knew he had won and when they coupled, it was as wild and as electrifying as he knew it would be.

He didn't think that he'd gotten such a good sleep in such a long time that he didn't know a sleep could even exist.
He didn't think that he'd gotten such a good sleep in such a long time that he didn't know a sleep like that could even exist.

Hopefully, she mused, that there would be a happily ever after.
Hopefully, she mused, there would be a happily ever after.

I hope that these will be helpful to you.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
These are my final thoughts, scattered as they are. I'm sorry they are only in order by when I thought them, so they may seem very random.

I felt, when they left the castle, that John didn't want that diary to survive at all. I've always wondered why he felt that way. I know why he wanted her to stop keeping it, but not why he wanted to destroy what was already there. I wish I'd found out before he died.

I was surprised Cyndy was there. She seemed too intelligent to become involved in such a power hungry plan. I understand she was influenced by her husband, but I was just stunned by her presence.

Sammy's reactions to killing seemed very real and I think you did a fantastic job of describing how someone in her position would feel. Even more thought provoking was the entry from James. Excellent job there, really.

I wanted more closure in the ending. I suspect this is the American in me wanting everyone to go off hand in hand into the sunset but I have to mention it anyhow. To be specific I kept wondering about the children, especially Doc and Cyndy's son. Would they be all alone now? Are they being taken care of? Will they discover what happened? Will that poor boy end up hating Sammy, Duncan and Lilac, who he once considered a grandmother figure? Perhaps it isn't so much that I want a happy ending for all as it is that I'd like to see a few more things tied up. I'm not sure how you would do it, but I want it. :)

I was very glad to know Lilac and Timmy were in the basement. That's the kind of quick thinking I'd come to expect from this group.

I still want to know what John said to distract Skye. No one ever tells. Did Skye hear what he said or was she looking to Duncan because she thought he might know what John said?

Through Sammy's voice you did a great job conveying the chaos of the battle.

I very much hope that my thoughts and comments are helpful during revisions. Best of luck as you move forward with this story!

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The surprise was Dal and Skye getting married. I'm very happy for them! I really expected it to directly effect Sammy, but Dal is her son, so it does. I just don't understand why Duncan got to know their plans and she didn't.

Sammy is writing again and feeling better! I'm so glad. I expected her to start writing a ton again, but I couldn't blame her for the lilacs. I'd have been out there too. How wonderful to get to enjoy something so normal.

I was thrilled that you addressed the fact that new life was beginning, even after the "end" happened. The dandelions in the last chapter, the lilacs here and the pregnancy as well. The cycle of life continues, no matter what.

Just a few quick typos:

Well, Gotta document the big new first.
Gotta shouldn't be capitalized.

Lilac’s are blooming…all of them!
Lilacs not Lilac's

I was so glad Duncan finally said something to Sammy. I had begun to wonder if either one of them ever would! I was afraid the story might end without them getting together.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I really enjoyed the fact that they decided to play tooth fairy for Timmy. Did they just put the rock under his pillow in exchange? Who made the switch. Silly I know, but I kept wondering, so I thought I'd mention.

I wondered about the blood pressure meds as there had been a ton when they showed up at the cabin. They must have ended up using those. You should probably mention that, although I drew my own conclusion others might not.

I kept thinking the plans must include more than just Dal and Skye and wondering what they could be. That and concern for Sammy kept me reading like a fiend. I just got Sammy back and suddenly she was down for the count again. :( I was so worried about her.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
What a relief to have our main character writing in the journal again. I was worried about her. This was the point at which I abandoned reviewing and just read what was left (sorry about that) because I was too interested in what would happen to pause to write about what I'd read. The horse is an interesting addition to the family. I expected it to play a major role, but I imagine its role will continue beyond the scope of this story.

I found a single typo, easy to fix:

He is very willing to do small chores and in very happy to sit on a lap and be read to.
is for in, or
He is very willing to do small chores and very happy to sit on a lap and be read to.

This chapter is very engaging, and at the end I went off to check on Duncan as well. ;)

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review of Presence  Open in new Window.
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I can see that you are a very good writer. Your story is well written. There are very few errors with the exception of a typo here and there, and your descriptions are wonderful.

Unfortunately, I did not relate well to the plot. I felt there was little by way of action and development, most of the text centering on scenery. You create a very real nether realm. I had no idea he wanted to know the meaning of like until he asks the goddess. There was no sense of urgency to read onward, and if I suggested one major change it would be to find a way to create that. The reader needs a reason to want to move forward. Propel the reader to the end with something. Perhaps you could convince the reader to follow because they want to know what the goddess will say about the meaning of life. To do this you would need to introduce his question in the beginning somehow and make it clear that he intends to try to ask his goddess. Maybe it is a longing to meet with the goddess you wish to instill in your readers. In that case you could make us wonder what she will be like when he meets her. I know much of your point is to reveal certain truths during his journey and you do well with that. What I think is needed is a reason to keep finding each truth.

For your review here are a few line by line suggestions. Some are typos, some are personal preference. I offer them for your consideration.

His eyes lifted up, his gaze rising from the dirt and mist to the vast scenery around him.
His eyes lifted, his gaze rising from the dirt and mist to the vast scenery.

They talked of what had happened, things that had passed long time ago, and laughed at the memories.
They talked of what had happened, things that had passed a long time ago, and laughed at the memories.

He couldn’t help ponder the Plane itself. So odd, he thought. He spent a lifetime imagining it, like many mortals do, and now that he was here it is nothing his mind could conjure.
He couldn’t help pondering the Plane itself. So odd, he thought. He spent a lifetime imagining it, as many mortals do, and now that he was here it was nothing his mind could conjure.

Past the clouds they settled, in a great valley that looked even more warmly and welcoming than the one he stood in before.
Past the clouds they settled, in a great valley that looked even more warm and welcoming than the one he stood in before.

“I know you,” the giant said shattering the silence, his voice echoing through the valley like a great thunder, though his age was fairly younger than the smaller creature before him.
“I know you,” the giant said shattering the silence, his voice echoing through the valley like a great thunder, though he was younger than the smaller creature before him.
or
“I know you,” the giant said shattering the silence, his voice echoing through the valley like a great thunder, though he was a certain amount younger than the smaller creature before him.

“Your army comes now, Usuna,” an older giant says as he points to the distance.
“Your army comes now, Usuna,” an older giant said as he points to the distance.

Many thought this was some magic work by the giants, for truth takes some time to fully show itself when found.
Many thought this was some magic worked by the giants, for truth takes time to fully reveal itself when found.

For long time I have imagined this moment, and for long time I have pondered all I could say to honor you.
For a long time I have imagined this moment, and for a long time I have pondered all I could say to honor you.

I hope that you will find something useful in my thoughts and suggestions. Thank you for the opportunity to read your fiction.

Happy Writing,
-M
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23
Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a delightful poem. It had me chuckling from the start. The one thing that bothered me was the transition from the third to the final stanza. The tone and therefore the mood of the poem seemed to leap up several notches all at once and I found it a bit jolting. I loved every verse, but the final one was such an upswing that I found myself wishing there'd been something signaling the brightened mood of the poem ahead of time. This is all personal opinion of course, and I still loved the poem.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
First a question, since I've been putting typo's at the top. Do you mean for though to be spelled tho? I've never seen it spelled tho before and my spell checker doesn't like it either, but since you were consistant about it I wasn't sure. At any rate, if it's a typo you can find it here
Tonight helped tho, I think
and here
She’s okay now tho.

I was thrilled with this chapter although you took me on a real roller coaster ride emotionally! Yes, members of a medieval gamers group or any sort of Renaissance faire would be in better shape then most to handle this sort of thing. At least in some ways. I really enjoyed Rob's "blog". Thanks for the new characters, they brought new life into the story.

Happy Writing,
-M
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Review by M Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
One quick typo:

This is the level of absolute trust the thereof us have.
This is the level of absolute trust the three of us have.

What fun! You made me laugh and smile and it felt so good. It was like I'd been with them this whole time and I could feel the same relief they felt at being in a relaxing, less militant space. In the background I still fear for them, but I'm enjoying this tiny space of sunlight you've carved out for your readers and characters to relax and enjoy!

Happy Writing,
-M
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