I know the feeling when you are alone out there doing something you feel is good for your children. I have also been told to homeschool my own children, esp since I have taught in schools before. However, we teachers feel that we cannot teach our own children as our expectations far surpass their ability. On the other hand, we can teach other children. I admire your taking the bold step to homeschool your children. In Singapore, the government has advocated compulsory primary education for all children. So homeschooling is not an option for us.
About negative comments: Just ignore them. People are just either too ignorant or want to follow the norm, hence resistant to change. Anything extraordinary will be frowned upon. Take the road less travelled. If you think you are able to provide a better all-rounded education for your children, who is to stop you? However, you need to realise that your children need to interact with others nearer their age. How can you provide groupwork with only your children? They need to interact with children from other backgrounds too. Moreover, they need to interact with an adult figure (the teacher) other than their own parent(you).
I hope this helps you in deciding whether to continue homeschooling or put them in a school.
All the best.
Lynnette (former primary school teacher)
Good imagery of the sea representing the image of Life in the form of respiration - movement of water in the sea.
However, I am not too sure about the line consistency in the three stanzas. It was 6-5-5. Shouldn't it be consistent with 5 throughout? (or 6, it's your choice)
One word to be corrected:
"fragile and beautiful is it's life" - should be "its" meaning possessiveness ie life belonging to nature.
I like this storoem of combined story and poem that tells a story within a poetry setting. It is a very ingenious way of portraying a constricted story.
I like this line "Activities aren’t planned but spontaneous instead" as it shows the imagery of making a new life.
However, here are my other comments. You are at liberty to accept or otherwise:
"years of undying love and sacrifice in its behalf" - I believe you mean "on its behalf"
"test of their love just began" - "began" is past tense but this is in the perfect tense, hence "just begun".
However, I have this observation but you are free to agree or otherwise:
"But for them she had never a care." - *never had*
The change of place is merely for rhythm but this is purely my view.
It was a good read about how pain consumes a person. However, I have made the following observations, if I may:
Over-usage of semi-colon. You will have to look at the punctuation again. Number of lines in each stanza is inconsistent. Some spelling errors but not to worry about. I'm not sure if you should use the word "infests" to refer to sadness invading your eyes. Maybe try "invades", "pierces", "punctures" or "impales". "rip at myself" - maybe try "rip myself apart". "trying to get what crawls beneath" - how about "trying to reach out to what crawls from beneath"?
These are just some of my views. Feel free to use or discard them.
A perfect traditional poetry in this modern world! Great work in juxtaposing one on the other. It's the way the language is weaved into the web of love; so reminiscent of Old English but not. I love reading it!
My favourite line
"Youthful love will burn to embers till ashes only remain" - lovely imagery!
However, I have this observation: "But regardless" - Correct me if I'm wrong but I think both are negatives and they are used independently. What do you think?
Things that can be improved: It would be better if presented in stanzas instead of prose above. With your rhymes at every two lines, it would be easier understood if presented as follows:
Kill me if I forget you, please.
Don't let me turn into something helpless.
As the days go on and I start to fade,
As the years grow long, please don't be late.
Hope the above helps. Do remember you have the upper hand and final say to your work.
This one looks like a prose to me. What do you think?
I can see you are emoting through your words and that is good. Feelings do make a good poem. However, if you don't mind my saying, there are a few points to note:
"Washed are by hands" - do you mean "my" instead of "by"? "Erased away from my face" - double negatives. Delete "away". "Each time the call of prayer, Chimes in my ears" - no comma "Which forms a spec of light" - do you mean 'speck'?
I like it too! I can imagine how and why your daughter loves it. The mystery surrounding the machine due to the noise it makes increases children's curiosity.
However, if you don't mind, I have a few observations I have made: A little punctuation would make the poem flow well. There are some which when used, would make the poem more fluid.
Eg "As I walk past the door I can feel its stare" - missing comma after 'door' "hearts" - heart's "I look round the door and I can't hear a thing" - but "as I gasp at the creature its not all that fussed" - comma after 'creature' and "it's" "cause its just an old soft toy all covered in dust" - "it's" and comma after 'toy'
But there are others to correct too. Other than that, it is a good read.
I like this poem; it has a different style to it. I noticed the rhymes wrap around the last word of the whole poem, every four lines with one line on the next stanza - very ingenious. It's a good thing I stumbled on your poem while browsing. I like to read (and also write) on controversial subjects.
This is a very poetic piece of artwork; especially the last stanza which compares favourably to poems of yore. The first three stanzas shows the fluidity of the Poet's Dance; igniting the senses. Great rhyming and tempo in all. Might I say written by a Knight-in-shining-armour?
A real good read! Write on!
Lynnette
www.writing.com/auhors/lynnette_woon
Hi Dwendl,
I must say, you have a very poetic edge in you. You have managed to use what you see in daily life and blend it with artistic language ie poetry, to achieve an unblemished piece of artwork; an artistic licence. It seems I'm reading one of the great poets but yet, this work is very down-to-earth to relate to; something we get to see if we stop for a moment and sink in the natural beauty around us.
Kudos to you! I hope this would encourage you to put pen to paper more often now.
Keep the pen working its ink!
Lynnette
www.writing.com/authors/lynnette_woon
Marvelous imagery! Great insight into what one feels about one's love. It's a good idea to subscribe to nature to show how you feel. I wouldn't change much except maybe a break into several stanzas to show the different subjects, hence making your ideas clearer.
Generally good poem expressing one's love for another. Fairly good content but needs more work looking at the grammar and sentence construction. I hope the following comments help.
What I think should be better: "Being around makes me feel so good" - missing "you" after "around". There should be question marks at some places like: "Why are you not calling me?" "Before I felt I was the world to you/Now i just feel like a second choice " should be "Initially, I felt I was the world to you/Now I feel like second best" "Even though i feel as your starting to not care for me" should be "Even though I feel that you do not to care for me" Last line - what do you mean?
You have written beautifully about the Savior; almost seemed like an eulogy! Yes, I agree with the term you used for Him as 'soldier'; very appropriate! The two-liners make for easier reading and the rhymes at every two lines makes great reading and keeps the rhyming pattern in check. If mounted and framed, it makes a great gift as it's unique!
Thanks for providing such a clear insight into yourself. It is very comprehensive. Think you can add more as you think of other things.
OK My views:
1. I'm a non-conformist. I don't like to follow others' lead. People are like sheep: when they go east, I go west.
2. It's ironic that you took flying lessons when young and later in life, you have a phobia of flying.
3. All Buddhists beieve in reincarnation too. I believe we have a past life we don't know about. May have to delve into our conscience or get a shrink to help with understanding it.
4. It's great that you have given up your vice of drinking.
5. Good idea to retire, sell house, buy a truck (actually a caravan is better) and travel. My Australian hubby and I travelled for part of 1998 in a caravan in Western Aust although we lived in South Aust for a couple of years.
6. He speaks like an Englishman...hardly hear any Aussie accent in him though I secretly wish he would! But I love those who speak with Aussie accent - so sexy!
7. Hubby hates cold too..that's why we are living in Singapore now...tropical all year round.
8. I agree with you ie hate to be told what to do though for me, that rings true everywhere except the bedroom.
9. Heard of others' account of out-of-body experiences and wonder how true they are.
10. Same here - believe in purgatory.
11. Breakfast is the single most important meal of the day. Without it, one's functionality is affected. One also tends to eat more during the other 'first' meal of the day...either morning tea or lunch...not good. Body has already 'fasted' for at least 10 hours since last dinner so it needs to replenish stock.
12. I love those movies too: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and Wizard of Oz.
Kookaburra sits on the old gum tree.....makes me think of one time I came so close to one I managed to capture it on camera! Such a wonderful bird with a mesmerising coo! Australian wild life - flora and fauna - what I have experienced. I am still in awe of their nature reserves and national parks. Thanks for bringing back memories for me!
Lynnette
www.writing.com/authors/lynnette_woon
I like it too! People like us who think all the time where our minds are always in overdrive - find it hard to lay down to rest too. Compare this with my poem on sleep.
I won't change a thing but maybe:
Insomniacs just lie on "there" backs - their
Insomnia has "it's" grip on me - its (also in the 1st line)
A dark poem about ending one's life; writing one's suicide note. Descriptive countdown to the final act. I like the last two lines - powerful and inviting. It's like accepting a death invitation and happy to go to it. Chilling!
However, did you want to convey how you got to that stage in the bathroom? Just a thought!
I like the one on the critique having the other point of view - so true. Aren't we all - have to think out of the box, so we are different.
Now I know why you chose your domain name!
The formula you quoted: to be used on fools. Talking about that, have you heard the proverb:
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread
and another:
Great minds think alike
Fools seldom differ
I am so happy that you have written and given us non-Muslims an insight into the life of a Muslim...very seldom we are told what it is like although I do know that you offer prayers 5 times a day at specific times...I respect a Muslim's strict prayerful life and that of the fasting during the Ramadan.
Keep writing!! Here's 100 points to you!
*lw* (Peranakan-Chinese married to Australian but have many Malay friends and love Malay food)
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I like this line "Activities aren’t planned but spontaneous instead" as it shows the imagery of making a new life.
However, here are my other comments. You are at liberty to accept or otherwise:
"years of undying love and sacrifice in its behalf" - I believe you mean "
It would be better if presented in stanzas instead of prose above. With your rhymes at every two lines, it would be easier understood if presented as follows:
"As I walk past the door I can feel its stare" - missing comma after 'door'
You have written beautifully about the Savior; almost seemed like an eulogy! Yes, I agree with the term you used for Him as 'soldier'; very appropriate! The two-liners make for easier reading and the rhymes at every two lines makes great reading and keeps the rhyming pattern in check.