Wow, this story is really disturbing and I mean that in a good way. You have done a wonderful job of leading the reader into your main character's madness. I really like this story. I have only a few suggestions.
Her fingers roll the brush just so, each white letter perfectly carven carved? out of the blackness around it.
The, little white bottle. I wasn't quite sure of the meaning of this sentence.
Sets the paint down beside the wall and kneels in front of the radio, spinning the worn dial to find her station. Should this sentence have "she" at the beginning?
A pretty woman smiles at her from the tarnished surface.
The light from outside is nauseous. I think "nauseating" would sound better here.
He pulls up her shirt and begins to giving mouth-to-mouth.It seems unclear why he is pulling up her shirt to give her mouth-to-mouth.
Like I said, I really enjoyed this story. You have wonderful imagery and you put the reader into the scene. I especially liked this line:
I really liked this story. The story seems pretty straight forward and then you have an interesting twist at the end. I like stories with twists. You do a good job of describing your characters physical appearance and their environment. Overall, a very good story. I do, however, have a few suggestions:
Steve walked briskly to the silver convertible, already imagining the feel of the breeze flowing through his short brown hair, or what remained of it. This description of his hair is redundant. In the paragraph just before this one you have already described his hair.
Steve stood at the end of an aisle of Lego’s, arms crossed, smiling at his son’s wonder.
Steve recalled how miserable Lisa was Maybe substitute "had been" for "was" when she found out about the Corvette.
You just better hope the repot man doesn’t come knocking on that door anytime soon. "repot" should be repo. There isn't a "t" in the abbreviation. This one is peppered throughout the piece.
Lisa knocked his arm out of the way so hard he almost swore she had broken it. This sentence is awkward. Maybe if you dropped the "almost".
Finally, Lisa bolted into the kitchen and collapsed onto the floor, crying so hard all the energy finally escaped and she lay there, curled up in a ball like a child trying to shut out the rest of the world. This sentence is also awkward. The second "finally" is redundant.
With no choice but to sleep on the sofa, Steve flipped the living room light switch and prayed tomorrow would not bring the repot man to their doorstep. Just previous to this sentence, Lisa had told the son to go upstairs and wait for her to call him for dinner. There needs to be some kind of transition here to show that time has passed.
Bobby stood and met Lisa in the kitchen. Who's Bobby?
Lisa threw her spoon down on the oak table and stood up so fast Brandon and Marcy hardly knew what had happened before the loving arms of their mother embraced them. "loving" doesn't seem to be the right word here. It seems that her feelings are not so much loving as fiercely protective. She strikes me at this moment as being like a mother bear protecting her young.
Like I said, except for these few things I thought your story was well written. Keep up the good work!
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