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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/luriepark
Review Requests: OFF
356 Public Reviews Given
375 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I majorly review poems or short stories. Poems can be of any type. Short stories should be less than 600 words or approx. Novel and books are not in my reviewing list. I am not an expert reviewer but I'll try to tell your weak and strong points. In a polite but honest tone, I will tell your errors, if present. I will comment on the title, flow, main writing and will also provide you with an overall review. My ratings will not be biased. You can tell me at which points you want the deeper analysis. If you want me to review, you can give it a try. You can check some of my request reviews - Review of "Attack of the blobwoman " Review of "Not Past Redemption" Review of "Wanting to give up" Review of "Wrong timing in Manchester" and there are many more...
Favorite Genres
Comedy, tragedy, emotional, devotional, nature, romance and dark.
Favorite Item Types
Usually I review anything except for novels/novella, blogs and lengthy stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Images, poll, word search, crossword etc.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Thirty Minutes  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Captain Kit!

Welcome to WDC. I am glad you asked me for a review.

The title is good and catchy.
The poem is a free verse. I am happy that you have put all the 3 genres so now it's easily available to people.
.
This poem is sweet and short. I like how things are emphasised to be done in thirty minutes.
There are no grammatical errors. I enjoyed reading this piece lf work.

I hope to read more from you. If you need any help regarding this site, you can freely contact me. 😊

Happy writing!
Regards,
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2
2
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello JessTheMess Author Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!


Welcome to WDC! I am reviewing your short poem "When I Open My Eyes" Open in new Window.. I hope you find this review helpful. But remember, this is your poem.

Title:

When I Open My Eyes - It symbolizes birth of a child when he open his eyes and enters the world. It's great how you want to see the world, so beautiful.

Flow and Rhythm:


This is a monorhyme poem. I find it good but the flow isn't smooth. The sentences should be of approx same length to maintain a rhythm or pattern. You can read your poem aloud to get my point.

Review:

The poem is emotional and sensitive. It describes the beauty of nature and appreciates what the world has for us.

Your writing is good. Your thought of teaching the children great moral values is superb. Here are some of my suggestions. I believe that they will help you in your upcoming writing journey.

1. Fill all the three genres. It is easy to find someone's work with all the genres filled and it describes your poetry too.

2. Leaving space is okay but you can increase the font as many people may have eyesight issue, so they can easily read it.

3. Read aloud your poem to see if the flow is easy and smooth to be followed.

4.Try to keep the length of lines approx equal.

5.Add word count and line count at the bottom.

6. My last suggestion is- If you want to enhance you presentation, you can use colours, different fonts, bold, underline, etc.

Overall Comment:

This is a good piece of poetry. It seems like you enjoyed writing this. Thank you for sharing. I hope to read more from you.

Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,
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3
3
Review of Mother Nature  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bourne Silver IsOnALongBreak Author Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!


I am reviewing your poem "Mother Nature" Open in new Window. as you asked me to do so. This review is based on my thought and opinion but remember this is your original poem. I hope you'll find the review helpful.

Title-
It is good and appropriate. I like that you have assumed Mother Nature' to be a female and have used pronouns as 'she'.

Flow and Rhyme-
I personally like rhymed poetries more and yours is a rhymed one too. *Wink* Although, I felt that the rhyme was forced rhyme. Why? Because the syllable and length isn't almost equal and certain words which aren't needed are used just to rhyme. Keep a note of this.

Analysis-
It is a wonderful poem about mother nature. I agree with you that we are deploying it at it's maximum, 'just for fun'.
This poem speaks about a topic too genuine. You have a good style of writing. *Thumbsup*

Detailed Review and Suggestions-
I found certain mistakes. They are not so big to worry but a little change here and there would make the poem better.

1. Since we are born to on this earth

2.God gave has given us the power of brain

3.To rule over all creatures, save them grain [save them grain isn't quite appropriate here. But I understand, you wanted it to rhyme somehow.]

4. The crown was there for us to make them [who are you referring to as 'them' and 'us'? It's not very clear.] happy

5. Also the childhood song of bird of which we used to hear

6. She sees everything we do,so does she cry [A comma is needed.]

It's so good to see that you've filled all the three genres which usually people don't do. You are amazing!

Overall Comment-
It is a good poem with green coloured font enhancing it. My favourite line-

"Powerful sceptre of knowledge
we have and we acknowledge"

Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,
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4
4
Review of Married Today  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello sarahlawlor Author IconMail Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!


I am reviewing your story "Married Today" Open in new Window. as I saw this in 'read a newbie'. I found the title and the description very interesting. So, here's my review. Remember it is your original story. Take what you feel is helpful and ignore else.

Review-
It's a real dark story. Good descriptions. It wasn't boring. The flow is nice and engaging. Thatswhy I read this till the end.

I thought that the marriage was a forced marriage or a sort of dowry. But at the end...*Shock2*

The red wine reference was amazing. Mrs. McCoy shouldn't have killed his husband over a small matter though, but I liked the narration.

Suggestions-
1.Do fill all the three genres in your story as it will help other's to find your story soon.

2.Also, include the word count at the bottom.

3. A little more physical described of both the characters is needed.

Comment-
Overall, it's a good story. Well done! All the best for the Contest.

Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,
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5
5
Review of The Wrong Cairo  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo Author Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!


This review is a part of Basket I from "Exquisite Flower Basket Auction [closed]" Open in new Window., purchased by your secret valentine for you. I hope you will the review worthy.

Title-

The title seems catchy and that has brought me here.

Plot-

The setting is in Cairo, Egypt, if I am not wrong. *Think* I just looked up for the place.
A couple is having a camel ride over there. The girl was made to expect a proposal as told to her by her mother.

Suggestions-

1. You may change the first genre of the story as the contest round must have been over by now.

2.'Um, in my camel riding bits, my love.'

I didn't understood this line. Maybe it is an American phrase.

3. Every dialogue should start from a new line.

4. The characters aren't built in the story. The imaginative descriptions are missing. It's okay if the word count was limited.

Overall Review-

Congratulations for your win. *Clap* The story is a bit confusing for me. The riding movements are well written. Thanks for sharing.

Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,

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6
6
Review of Yellow  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo Author IconMail Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!


I am reviewing your poem 'Yellow' as a part of the Basket I purchased by your secret valentine for you. I hope you will find this worthy.

Title-

The title is suitable. I just got my promotion and I was soo excited to read this poem *Bigsmile*. Although, yellow is mine too, one of the least favourite colour.

Form and structure-

The form is freestyle but it is an engaging and a lovely poem.

Comments-

You have described the yellow and showed how it has the beauty in it or how the Beauties have the yellow. Oh! *Facepalm* Beauty, the Disney Princess also wears a yellow gown. *Delight*

Blue is a cool colour and congratulations for getting it now. *Party* I like that the poem is short and sweet with the clear message.

Suggestions-

1. The genres are 'Contest Entry', 'Other', 'Other'. You may change them to the suitable three genres as it will be easily navigated then and the reader's will get to know before reading it.

2. To decorate it, you can highlight the 'yellow' word with yellow colour as yellow colour fonts aren't too visible. Likewise, 'blue' can also be coloured.

Overall Review-

A good and happy poem. Thanks for sharing!

Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,

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7
7
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Schnujo's NOT Doing NaNoWriMo Author IconMail Icon!



This review is a part of the Basket I from "Exquisite Flower Basket Auction [closed]" Open in new Window., purchased by you for your secret valentine. I hope you will find the review worthy.

Title:

You title 'I wish I could take it back' is apt and relevant. Every stanza begins with it - repitition - giving it much emphasis.

Form and Structure-

Your poem is a free verse. It has 2 lines in each stanza. The flow is smooth and easy to be followed.

Comments-

The poem is circling around a relationship with a person in it having regret. The speaker is an unnamed narrator. I am glad it is not a true story.

The lines make it emotional and also teaches us to 'Think before Speak' as not to regret afterwards.

There is a gradual transition as we move from the start of the poem to the end of it. The dreams become gentle and loving which the narrator has thought.

You have beautifully closed the poem with the ending paragraph, deepening the feelings of sorrow.

Suggestions-

1. You have the first genre set as 'contest entry'. Which contest? What prompt? Nothing is mentioned and I think the contest round must have ended by now. You may change the first genre thus.

2. The poem has 51 lines which makes it long with much repitition in it. The readers will read till 20 or 30 lines with enthusiasm but then will reach the end directly. The length with repitition makes it boring later on.

Overall Review-

The poem is a good poetic piece. Many people nowadays can relate to this. Only a few admit that it is their fault that they should'nt have said that. But most people blame the other. So, the concept of admitting is nice.Thanks for sharing.

Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,

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8
8
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello M. L. Laroche Author Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. !

I am reviewing your original story, 'The Christmas Shopping' as you asked me to do so and I am glad. I won't consider the format but will only consider the story written.

This is just a review of your story that is my thought and opinion on it. Remember, this is your story and take only what you think is helpful to you.

Title:
Christmas Shopping, is a good title suitable for the story's content. It makes the reader know and ponder on what kind of event happen while this.

Style:
The style is clean and descriptive. Short descriptions for every character are given. The conservations are also easy to understand that who said to whom. Nice job!

Plot:
I like how you built the plot with only 4-5 characters. The story has been built up in a jwellery store. The two friends, Joy and Christie, seemed to share a sweet bond. It was a normal festival shopping day. They buy jewellery and watch and gifts.
You have rightly implemented the conversations in between.

At the end, we see that they meet a man, Ryan, who is good looking and has a great sense of humour. Joy thinks that she has got her Christmas gift too.

Conclusion:
I've looked for grammar but couldn't find the serious mistakes. Good job! The story kept me engaging till the end too.

Thanks for sharing this piece. I hope to see you around the side more. Keep Writing!

Reviewed by,
Vaishali
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9
9
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for this lovely shop and affordable prices! The best shop on wdc for Christmas buyings.

Happy Holidays ☃️🎄🎅⛄😊
10
10
Review of My Plea  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Dave has company Author Icon

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem My Plea Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

Title:

The title is good and attractive. The description is a continuation to it. I would like to suggest you to write something about the poem in the description so that the reader's could get an idea of what they are going to read about.

Form and Rhythm:

It is good and simple. I learned this new thing 'cornish sonnet'. Thanks to you. Well implemented poem.

Analysis:

The poem is written nicely in a good font and size. The narrator wishes to have a partner to spend his life. It is beautifully written and there were no technical or spelling errors.
Thanks for sharing !

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Keep writing!
Regards,
Lurie Park
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11
11
Review of The Stars Above  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Dave has company Author Icon

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem The Stars Above Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

Title:
The title is good and apt. The description and the title together makes the poem's opening.

Flow and Rhythm:

I liked it easy to follow and the smooth. There wasn't any forced type sort of thing.

Details:
I like the mood of the poem. The little reference of God while kneeling made this feeling more precious. I felt the words as you penned them down.

Quite short, easy and simple to follow. As far as I can see, there's no technical issue.
The last stanza is my favourite. Thank you for sharing this piece. Enjoy your anniversary! 🥳

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Keep writing!
Regards,
Lurie Park


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12
12
Review of Purple Paradise  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Shubh

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!


That's something to be called classy! A real classy poem!

A fan of your purple paradise, sir. The ending was smooth. Save for the commas here and there, everything was just nicely placed to form this amazing piece.

I had a word, sir. This looks like a forced rhyme. Bringing a suggestion-

"Treachery, my people have never known.
Everywhere and everything around,they own."

I wish to go see the purple paradise but obviously not now, sir. ;)

My favourite lines-

"If you do not get a chance to meet me and stand by my side
We are sure to meet in Purple Paradise where our kingdom resides"

I can tell you honestly, that I am a fan of rhymes and yours is the one, I truly appreciate. Probably, the best of your collection. ;) Thanks for writing this. I suggest you to give this is a try in some of the contests here - namely, Test Your Poetry and Newbie Challenge. It will be a sure success, sir.

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Keep Writing,
Regards,
Lurie.


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13
13
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Such a heart full 💜 poem. I loved the writing.


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14
14
Review of THE CHAMBER  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Robert Hayes,



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It is my pleasure to review your piece today "THE CHAMBER". I am glad that you asked me to review this beautiful piece.

Disclaimer:

I will give you my thoughts, pointers, corrections if needed, and some advice. These are
only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful, and please disregard the rest,
for I'm not an expert reviewer.

📚 ☕ 📓 ☕ 📖 ☕ 📚 ☕ 📖 ☕ 📓 ☕ 📚


Rhythm & Flow:

I found the rhythm and the flow of the poem very smooth. The rhyming is nicely written without looking like any 'forced rhyme'. That's appreciable.

Imagery & Emotions:

I found the imagery interesting and conveying. Gradually, after reading the poem we see that the unnamed narrator is sharing his feelings and emotions in a very emotional way.This forces the reader to do nothing but be empathetic with him.

Mistakes:

I did not find any major technical issue in this. Just some small things which aren't really inhibiting the poem from being good.

No stay of execution, Ive run out of time.

No stay of execution, I've run out of time.

And just a few more commas needed. I suggest you to read it once again, aloud.

My favorite lines are:

"The silence is piercing, yet another goodbye
To the chamber he goes, he tries not to cry
They strap him down, a prayer is read."

"Tomorrow an illusion
One I won’t see
Too all that I’ve wronged
Please forgive me."

Overall Review:

It is a well-written poem with good imagery used. It keeps the reader tied till the end. And I loved the ending (the last two lines). My star rating is what I can say more. Thanks for sharing.

Keep Writing!
Reviewed by,
Lurie Park

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15
15
Review of Love  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello LorenIsOneOfMyNames Author IconMail Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.!

I am reviewing your poem Love as I saw this on the newsfeed. You are really amazing and a multi-tasker *Laugh* This review is my thoughts and opinion on the poem but remember this your original poem.

TITLE
I personally feel the title is not depicting the poem or maybe I am getting it. How about giving a thought to "Butterfly" or something similar like that as the title.

FLOW AND RHYTHM
It has a neat rhythm and a smooth reading flow though it being a free verse. Well done.

SUGGESTIONS
You gave me butterflies,
born from worms,
crawling around in my core.

Butterflies that emerged,
beautiful in spite
of their unwelcomeness. [ unwelcomeness isn't a grammatical word. Maybe 'unwelcoming' will work here. *Wink* ]

And on gossamer wings
they flew out of my mouth,
with such force, [ Here should'nt be a comma but a full stop ]

Turning to ravens,
razor claws and beak,
and tore into your heart.

OVERALL REVIEW
It is a simple and short poem. It has the freshness in it. Beautifully portrayed in just 12 lines. Thanks for sharing.

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Keep Writing!
Lurie Park
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16
16
Review of A life  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sumojo Author Icon

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




I am reviewing your essay A life Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original essay.

It is a good idea to write an essay about yourself. The flow is interesting. I like knowing people and the tone is one of happiness and Cheerfulness.

I did not found any error or something inappropriate. Maybe just that you can add space between lines. Your choice. May cheerfulness always guide you in your path. Thanks for sharing this! Write on! Yayy!

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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17
17
Review of 88 Keys  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jillian Montgomery Author Icon

Greetings from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.

I am reviewing your poem 88 Keys.

It is a beautiful poem. You have good flow even without a rhyme scheme. It is a short and sweet poem. I wanted to welcome you as a newbie here. *Hug1**Smile**Hug2* If you want any help regarding the site or anything else, you can always ask me. If you love writing poems or have written any poem, you can submit it in the contest "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. Here, you may even win the contest. There are exciting prizes for top three.

In this poem, I did not found any major issue but here are some suggestions for you. Take them if you find them useful or you may even discard them because it's your poem.

1.Depending on my mood I make it sing
Depending upon my mood I make it sing

2.Different genres come out of it
Here 'genre' word isn't suitable. You can replace it with style/form/tune.

I also want to ask you the specific reason behind choosing 88 *Laugh*
Thank you for sharing this!

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Keep Writing!
Regards,
Lurie Park
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18
18
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! Author Icon

I saw your item highlighted in the newsfeed and thus I reached here. Listening to audios is far more interesting as we get to connect more. As I have told you earlier, your father's voice is mature and cheerful with a happy tone. From the conversations, I can tell that you two father-daughter duo share a very close bond. It feels so good to know this.

I am unable to understand this song but I am loving the fusion of languages. A Gujrati folk song in Bengali folk tune. That's the integrated India!!

Words like 'Shyamal', 'maara', 'megh mrudunga', etc. are known to me from which I can infer that this is a song dedicated to Shree Krishna and he has stolen our hearts.

Would you like to add the meaning or the translation of the song here? The tune is amazing which makes me to think of dandiya raas. With meaning or explanation, it will be easy to imagine the plot.

My mother was born in Gujrat and thus a Gujarati. I will play this to her cause I know she will surely like it. *Bigsmile* Thanks for sharing.

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Regards,
Lurie Park
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19
19
Review of Fishing with Dad  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello blackcatsem Author Icon

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Fishing with Dad Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

It is difficult to write comedy. You have written a short poem about a kid who loves fishing with dad.

The rhythm is good and flow is constantly moving and easy to follow. I found no technical issues. I saw that you have put all the three genres in it and that's something really good. It helps people to find your poem easily.

The font looks good and big. You can centralize this poem too and to make it more attractive, maybe give this a shape of a fish.

Overall a well written comic poem. Thanks for sharing!

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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20
20
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Winnie Kay Author Icon

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem How to tell the one you love Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

A very happy anniversary to you and your account on WDC. You poem has a catchy title which grabbed me here.

The flow of the poem is smooth and the rhythm is not broken. As a poem, it excels in style.

This is a direct poem for a girl or a female who now, doesn't feel love anymore. She thinks that in love her freedom is banned.

Love shouldn't act like a bondage to any party involved. The freedom and the thoughts must be respected. The advice is unique but true.

I did not find any flaw in it. That's great. Thanks for sharing!


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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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21
21
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Rachwrites82 Author Icon

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I am reviewing your poem Words left Unspoken Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.

The title is good and catchy. It acted as a clickbait to me.

The presentation of your work is what I liked. You centralised them and made the font bigger. The rhythm was good and easy to follow. The last line was a refrain which laid emphasis on it and I enjoyed this.

Everything went wrong with her with words left Unspoken until God entered her life. This is pure gem to read. I am amazed by the last stanza as it gives us a ray of hope and enlightenment.

You changed the last line to no words left Unspoken was such a pleasure. A perfect well written poem. Thanks for sharing. Just a suggestion that one of the genre should be religious.

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Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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22
22
Review of Snow Trek  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Mitch Author Icon

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Snow Trek Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.


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Congratulations for the anniversary.
I really like your presentation with large font and bold letters. These are easy to read.

You have used good imagery. The rhyme of aa makes this better.

"The Chevy stuck. it was no sleigh,
a huge hike and hours away."

After chevy stuck, there will be a comma or else start the new sentence by capitalising I of it.

"I crept to crest another hill
and at the top my heart stood still."
Place a comma before 'my heart'. It will be more clear.

Overall a well written poem. Kudos

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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23
23
Review of Lost  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello McKeder Author Icon

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




I am reviewing your poem Lost Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.


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Congratulations on this day!
The title is sad and attractive. Thus I chose this poem to review.

The flow was good with rhyme scheme abcb. The lines are short but crispy.

It is in first person narration who misses a person he lost. I am so sorry for the lost of your nephew.

The poem is written purely with love and sorrow. There is pain of losing someone which makes it a depressed poem.

I found no technical issues in this. It is a well written poem. Looking forward to read more from you. :)

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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24
24
Review of Lost Kisses  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Mitch Author Icon

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I am reviewing your poem Lost Kisses Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original poem.


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The title seems sutiable and defining. I like the word flow and the rhyme scheme of abab. It's about a child who thinks that he has lost kisses but then his father gives him one.

Then it has a humour component with the dog and fireplace. I didn't feel any connection in the last two stanzas but it is okay to be a humour.
No spelling mistakes! Write on as much as you can.

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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25
25
Review of The End  Open in new Window.
Review by Vaishali Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello Blue Jay K Author Icon

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I am reviewing your story The End Remember these are my views and thoughts. This is your original story.


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The story amazed me. When I saw the genre horror/scary I felt that is would be a usual story about a man returning back after death but it wasn't so. This story deeply felt. I had chills reading it.
The flow was engaging from the very start. I am not an animal lover but not a hater too. But I felt bad for Pluto. Alcohol can turn a man so cruel that he didn't see the pain of his own pets.

He thrust the knife into my eye and cut it from it’s socket! The pain I felt was indescribable.

These lines were so painful and the ending line too. I haven't read the original story but your 'cat's point of view' story is so good. It made me have to desire to read the original.

I liked the dialogues, the imagery and the way you presented them. Thanks for sharing this.

Keep writing!
Lurie Park
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