LightinMind's (luminementis) Reviews

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

I'm good at...

More interested in the content of what you write than the style. Theological, political, historical, scientific, or experiential, or indeed anything that paints a vision of the future. A good grammar checker will tell you about spelling and commas.

Favorite Genres

Not entirely sure as I like most stuff. I prefer something with a soul rather than purely secular. But I like Sci-Fi, anything Christian, and also 'What-if' type speculations with plausible plots.

Least Favorite Genres

Anything that fails to look for a way out of the darkness. You can be dark, just don't wallow in it. Generally, I try to steer clear of Fantasy, and most Dark or Horror stories just make me laugh or grimace due to their ignorance of the dark side.

Favorite Item Types

I have really liked some of the heartwarming dramas I have read here particularly personal stories. Thought-provoking poems or stories are cool also though I am no expert on poetical forms.

Least Favorite Item Types

Anything that is just an affirmation of the dark side. I hate empty words. I always look for human intelligence. I try and avoid Fantasy and Horror where there is no metaphorical resonance or connection with real-world truth.

I will not review...

I mainly review at random and just see what grabs my attention. I will usually skip stuff I do not like unless it gets me riled or if it is interesting for other reasons.

Public Reviews

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#4789039

Review of Whispers of the Woven Horizon

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, Carrying Writer

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Whispers of the Woven Horizon"

via the random 'read & review' button. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The poem is magnificent. It could be about cyborgs and a new chapter in the human experience...hard to say...hypnotic and mysterious.

Commentary

I have no idea what this poem is about but I loved the rhythm of the words, the sound of them spoken out, and the images that you wove together.

My imagination told me it was the dawn of a new age being described here. An age in which the ancient, rare and valuable life that we hold was merged into technology in such a way that the transition seemed like an improvement, natural and seemlessly woven into the life that came before it. There was an increase in sensory input and processing capabilities, questions about the value of the transition and a new search for identity in which man and machine were redefined by a being that was in continuity with both and yet something new.

But maybe you were talking about something else entirely.

This opaqueness goes with the title and because it is so beautifully written seems forgiveable while leaving a slight tint of irritation also.

Thanks for the mysterious poem.

Mechanical issues

Loved the rhythm and the rhyme here.

Thanks for sharing.

FORUM

(13+)
A writing contest exploring life, the universe, and God. Christian moderation-all welcome.
#2327636 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4789037

Review of Duality of Me

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, BrokenRing

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Duality of Me"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The author described two characters, two persons in the singular him...

Commentary

I checked out your portfolio and noticed you were a forty-four-year-old man but with a young man staring at the sky as your portfolio picture. It is interesting how our self-perception is often very different from what others see of ourselves. In my soul I too feel like a man far younger than my physical age and as yet untainted by the life experiences that tempered me and refined me into the person I am today. Your name Brokenring also speaks of trials that could have included a broken marriage for example.

The poet and the addict are an interesting contrast. The poet seems to be the conscious self striving to write down what is noble, pure, true and excellent. The addict is more like the unconscious sweeping the self down a subconscious river whose currents are too strong to resist. One can smile a manic smile even on such a rollercoaster ride to doom even though the track ahead seems to be broken and your inner poet is screaming at you to jump off now.

Yes, the white knight should get the girl, kill the dragon and chop off the bad man's head. When did we forget these lessons and when did a brutal world educate us otherwise? Yet I replayed the video of my life and I had myself playing all the parts. The drama could be overwhelming so it needs to be organized into a proper story.

This is too short but I like the provocative tension between the two characters - Dionysian and Apolline, wild and sublime, conscious and unconscious, good and bad.

Mechanical issues

Too short - write more.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4789029

Review of Siren

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, yojina

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Siren"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The Siren call led the poet into warm waves with the promise of love...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

I read this poem with the impression of the father of a teenage daughter thinking the guy is a bad boy stay away from him. Not that teenage girls ever listen to their fathers nor even allow them to swim out into the waves and rescue them, we all have to make our own mistakes and learn from them. Of course, there are no gendered pronouns here so the poem seemed a little abstract to me.

The basic point here is that you should not have fallen for the sales pitch from the monster of the seas. It was only when you were buried in the waves as night fell that you realized that. This of course begs the question of how you wrote the poem, under water while drowning. Still considerate of you to leave a parting message and warning.

The obsession with death and tragedy seems to me to be a symptom of a society too wrapped up in itself and lacking true concern for God and others. Ironically the attempt to love ends in failure so the message it implies is do not love at all. Here the lover is an actual bona fide monster thus underlining the message. Yet the capacity for love remains, though unrequited perhaps in this drowning beloved. Hopefully, the poet here remains undaunted by the various imaginary disasters that could befall them on their way to the City of God where all is love, light, and joy. The sirens after all are just a Greek myth told by a culture debunked by science and true religion over the millennia.

Mechanical issues

Well-constructed Freeverse.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4789026

Review of Trust Resonates In Light.

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, dyxe0ri

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Trust Resonates In Light."

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The lover left and broke the beloved's trust in them forever...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You sound feminine but despite having searched your portfolio I could not confirm that. My assumption on reading your poem was that you were a teenage female left by a boyfriend or maybe a father but actually, it is mainly the women who choose to leave statistically so I might be wrong. Maybe in fact that does not matter at all since the poem is about trust and broken connections that the author fears can never be restored. I needed a context to make it real though as it was a little generic and abstract to me in its current format.

There is a scary finality about the declaration that you will never trust this person again. Forever is of course a very long time and a lot can happen in between times.

The poem was a little dark for my taste, a little too wrapped in the feelings of abandonment and betrayal and the general sadness of that. It reminded me of a book by St Augustine called The City of God. It is a tale of two cities. One the city of Self and the other the city of God. In modern terms the religion of the city of Self is psychology and it is characterized by a preoccupation with self. The place lacks vision, the vision that transcends the self and draws people out. It is a place of dark and shadow with monsters lurking in hidden spaces, the people who live there are drowning in the mental health issues they spend all day describing in themselves. The other is a place filled with love, light and joy with the people preoccupied with each other and with God. The message is clear, do not journey too far within yourself as there be dragons there, dragons that can easily be killed when one turns one's soul into the light.

I liked the way you explored different kinds of light in the poem, lights that could be switched off and back on lights that could not. The lights of the plane like stars could not simply be switched off by the fiend of your piece. Though of course each one of those plane lights was just another airplane flying by, it was a step to see them as a symbol of constancy when examined too closely.

Overall I liked the poem, but cheer up! Life is not so bad and this too shall pass.

Mechanical issues

This was Freeverse without rhyme, tone or rhythm.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4787980

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "--Am I A Miracle Or An Accident?--"

Review by LightinMind

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello ruwth

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

FORUM

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(13+)
A writing contest exploring life, the universe, and God. Christian moderation-all welcome.
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "ruwth is writing..."

"--Am I A Miracle Or An Accident?--"

Did you answer the question?

You believe that you are a miracle and that God guided the process by which you came to be.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

You referenced Og Mandino's Greatest Miracle in the World and various bible verses were implicit in your words. These were integrated into an argument with a clear voice.

How consistent was your argument?

Your response was a little short. In looking for your origins you thought about your parents and the fertilization of the egg that grew into you. You saw this as a material process and the only miracle referred to is the victory of the sperm, in a crowd of competitors, that God guided to the finish line first. This then also included a review of how the generations that preceded you met and you asked how God might have guided that process. So you did not seem so clear that the material path you defined could be thought of as a miracle or a natural process and this pushed you into a discussion of free will versus determinism. You resolved this by suggesting that God both planned and actively guided the process.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

When I posed this question I was thinking more on the macro level but actually, your focus on conception and genealogy was an obvious response to it. On this level it seems an entirely natural process at first glance with people meeting, falling in love, birthing children, and voila we have a ruwth. Even if we consider the injection of your soul at the moment of conception to have been a Divine intervention in a sense that is a natural process also (although on a higher level than materialists may understand) since every child is born with a soul.

Maybe I should have asked people to define miracles. Most regard anything supernatural as miraculous, anything that breaks observable natural laws. Ultimately all creation is a miracle created from nothing by God. Your design is superb but is it a miracle in the same sense that the immaculate conception and virgin birth were miracles? How God guided a particular sperm or person are mysterious and unknowable.

I believe that the miracle of your life is that you can know God for eternity, that you can create and love and think in ways that no animal can. You can reach beyond the mundane and to the Divine and that makes your life miraculous. It is the fact of your salvation and the glorious future you will enjoy with God. So also I believe that you as with most Christians can point to specific moments in your life when God intervened and radically different outcomes resulted.

Mechanical issues

The egg did not likely have any competition [,] but the sperm did.

Did He choose the sperm that would win that race [,] or was the victor just lucky

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

"My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4787979

Review of WHO AM I?

Review by LightinMind

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hello MooneyeMadison

. Thank you for entering this month's contest.

FORUM

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(13+)
A writing contest exploring life, the universe, and God. Christian moderation-all welcome.
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "WHO AM I?"

Did you answer the question?

The basic question I was asking was were you a miracle or an accident, a product of material forces compelled by chance, or one of supernatural design? You focused your answer on the question of personal identity and purpose set in the context of a transcendent Creator intimately involved with the created order and Aristotelian perspective that read design and order in all things. So I think you did indeed answer the question in your unique way.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

You quoted from the bible and Aristotle in a way that integrated with your argument and expressed an understanding of what was being quoted. However, you did not seem to realize that these two models of understanding are contradictory. Your voice was trapped between these two perspectives and maybe pantheism also and I struggled to hear it.

How consistent was your argument?

You seemed to start your argument as an Intelligent Design creationist and end it as an Aristotelian or maybe a pantheist.

Aristotle believed the world is eternal and not created and that God did not set a beginning, indeed God is rather redundant in his natural philosophy and it was Plato that developed the notion of a personal and transcendent God for the Greeks. The Jews of course were already articulating that a thousand years before Aristotle was even born.

The Christian view is that only the transcendent God is eternal and that the universe has a beginning and an end. In that sense, we are special acts of creation, and the life that God has breathed into us distinguishes us from animals and mere participation in the materialistic drama of the natural order.

Your argument seemed squeezed between Aristotle and Christianity and you appeared to be still in the process of working both through rather than having picked a side. Since it took more than a thousand years for the church as a whole to work through the enduring power of Aristotle's model of understanding this is perhaps understandable. You integrated the two by suggesting that both considered there to be a purposeful design to the universe rather than it being merely random. But Aristotelian categorization of the natural order did not necessarily attribute that order and symmetry to God's creativity and continued sustaining of creation but rather regarded it as an intrinsic property of an eternal universe of which God was the Unmoved Mover.

Aristotle categorized the natural order in terms of inherent principles of motion, change, and purpose looking for causes. God is the ultimate cause, the unmoved Mover. But this notion of God is not of a personal and transcendent Creator. His God does not interfere and is more an abstract philosophical answer to conundrums raised by his real focus on the natural order.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

You seemed to end your account by suggesting an almost pantheistic unity and oneness to being. You could have simply meant that there was a butterfly effect to every act of good or evil that vibrated throughout creation. However, the implication of your words suggested pantheism instead, this would then be a third position implicit in the text as Aristotle was not a pantheist as articulated above - as the universe and God were not identical to him.

I am not one with you though we may share a common bond in Christ. Nor am I one with the universe. Like all creatures I can see materialistic processes at work in my being yet I can also see supernatural ones born of my Creator. We are made in God's image out of the material of His creation. We are both a part of the universe and yet also reaching and aspiring to that higher unity that is a product of God's breath in us and His design of us in His image. We are a miracle beyond the understanding of those who reduce reality to merely natural forces and yet so also our lives are situated in physical bodies and in a natural order governed by clear and observable scientific laws. If God did not transcend the universe and if He lacked the personal care to reveal Himself to us the universe would be a very different place.

Aristotle's weakness is that he does not understand creation, the nature of God, or the true purpose of human beings as being to love and serve God. God created ex nihilo and existed before creation began. God is not some kind of abstract principle but rather warm and personal. Jesus incarnated and dwelt with us. His Spirit indwells the church today. Our purpose is not a product of natural causes but is found in a relationship with God that transcends time, space and energy-mass. It is God-focused not human-focused. Aristotle also had no conception of how sin and evil had corrupted things and broken the world and the need for redemption that entailed. He lacked theological depth and while his thoughts resonate with an atheistic naturalistic paradigm subscribed to by many today he is not being real about the nature of God, creation or indeed humanity.

On the one hand, we are material beings hurtling through the cosmos at thousands of miles an hour, our bodies a tumultuous storm of continual changes. On the other, we are beings centered in a relationship with God that is eternal and cannot be broken.
We are miracles placed inside creation that can reach outside it to eternity, souls with bodies and bodies with souls. We can be at peace and smiling while we take the rollercoaster of life.

Mechanical issues

There are a large number of mechanical issues, which implies that you did not just cut and paste this from an AI and that it was original work, but these need working on. This is where you lost stars.

While, intrinsically vast, complex, and purposeful, this Intelligence [intelligence] is merely a facet of the Supreme Creator - No comma after while and lose the capitalization of intelligence.

How could one possibly begin to understand such a, seemingly, unconceivable Source [inconceivable source] of Divinity?

Surely, we can not [cannot] claim to understand the beginng [beginning],

religiously, philosophically, ect..) - etc...

governed by this fundamental principal [principle].

If every subatomic particle of our being has a purpose [,] how could one possibly rationalize that our lives, as a whole, do not?

I am an energetic, spiritual, being,

The vibrational patterns, or frequencies [,] that we emit into the universe will either help or hinder, not only our self [ourselves], but the collective consciousness as a whole.

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

"My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4785084

Review of Playing With Hot Dogs

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, Sum1's In Ft Lauderdale

. This is a Nutty November Review Raid from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Playing With Hot Dogs"

via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

It's 1979 and a naval veteran is on deployment in the West Pacific. Long deployments can be boring or stressful. But the crew finds ways to pass the time...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Oh no, I read to the punch line. Now I have to get this image out of my head. Poor guy, he is probably traumatized for life.

You set the scene well and got me into the story to the point I was sitting in the crew's mess watching the guy come in and then working out what had just happened with the rest of the crew. Then I kind of wished I was not such a gossip and had just stayed blissfully ignorant of the prank.

Mechanical issues

No obvious errors found.

Thanks for sharing.

shared image for the November Review Raid

FORUM

(13+)
A writing contest exploring life, the universe, and God. Christian moderation-all welcome.
#2327636 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4785081

Review of Madame Michelle de la Lyonesse Dupont

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hello, Beholden

. This is a Nutty November Review Raid from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Madame Michelle de la Lyonesse Dupont"

via the Super Reviewer Group List. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Madame Michelle de la Lyonesse Dupont is the well-named seventh wife of the lesser-titled Jean or did he give her the surname when he married her? She might be feeling a little insecure about her six predecessors. Jean is intercepted on his way to the bathroom by the younger Madam Ghost of Times long passed to tempt him to an alternate future...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Seven wives! This aristocrat must have money to burn on all those divorces or was he a sort of Henry the Eighth Type figure? Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.

Either way, he is not the kind of man I want my daughter to marry. Why do the bad boys always get the girls, how could they be so stupid?

So apparently ghosts are in the business of marriage testing, would he leave his wife for her younger self is the ultimate test, as attraction is already guaranteed. He passes the test and the ghost proclaims him a hero for resisting the temptation but the clean-up operation on the bathroom floor might tell a different story as to the true reason he was able to resist.

This had me laughing and grimacing at the same time.

Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.

Thanks for sharing.

shared image for the November Review Raid

FORUM

(13+)
A writing contest exploring life, the universe, and God. Christian moderation-all welcome.
#2327636 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4784166

Review of Emily, her Elves, and the Bank

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hello, Jakrebs

. This is a review of "Emily, her Elves, and the Bank"

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Somewhere in a bank near you, there is a brown-haired wonder of a woman called Emily. In the presence of her goodness and the freshness of her laughter boy and girl elves have made a home in the ceiling above the cubicle where she works. She has inspired a military mission by boy elves, out of Bank HQ, to perform special ops every night, fixing a broken world with acts of anonymous kindness. The girl elves work with their boys to keep them away from prying eyes and to keep them safe.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

So this is either all about the girl and the elves that feed off her presence, or about a crush you have on a brunette bank clerk, a Mistress of Multitasking. Either way, Emily has inspired an amusing piece here by simply being herself, being good, and bringing a little joy to the lives that touch her own.

Though she might not be aware of the elven army and its supporting ladies nor indeed the affection she inspires in visitors to the bank. You describe two kingdoms hidden from human view - an army of elves intent on acts of fixing kindness and gangs of imps that ruin and destroy and are out for themselves. The elves are beloved and lovers and they love to give. The imps posture, bully and ruin and only know how to fight. Though not apparently against the elven ladies who fight for higher motives than Imps could ever grasp. If the elves live in the heavenly ceiling floating above the blessed bank brunette then maybe you imagine the imps as emerging from the hellish staff toilet or the gutter outside sometime after dark, smelling of filth.

The overflow of elvish goodness and kindness all starts with the presence and spirit of this one special lady. One wonders if you have ever spoken to her but somehow I wonder if it might be a disappointment to do so as the stories of dark and light already woven around her pure life make her far more interesting than a real person ever could be.

My views on elves have been colored by the Lord of the Rings and especially Legolas the super warrior who dances nimbly between orcs, trolls, and Mammoth-sized monsters, his sword and arrows a blur of lightning movement as he wipes out evil. But you make them small enough to be attacked by rats and for a gang of them to live in the ceiling with a host of beautiful she elves who preen like beauty queens, but who are maybe like Tauriel, the she-elf warrior in The Hobbit, underneath. Even if they are magical they all seem more like the fairies in Peter Pan to me.

This elvish 'Salvation Army' of street-wise charity workers in military gear are the good boys who should always avoid a fight because their enemies do not fight by Queensbury rules. The girls seem to know that but they will go further than their men ever would to protect the ones they love and even the Imps are scared of their MMA talents and hidden ex-CIA assassin skill sets.

This was your fantasy about a woman that seems almost too good to be true but you end by inviting the reader to say hello and to be sure not to miss her. This is strange since you are clearly under the woman's spell, though unsure as to whether to treat her like a daughter or a romantic beloved. The confusion appears to be the result of a lack of any real connection to her.

Is it naive to pretend that I am sure I could handle her magic and keep my perspective, or does that sound like someone who thinks they could take Fetanol without becoming an addict?

Mechanical issues

It was not a poem, more prose but the line gaps gave pauses and separators to thoughts and so it worked as it is.

Was not sure about the capitalization of Boy, Girl, and Elves

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4784056

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ The Apostle John Reminisces ~ "

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

Hello, ruwth

. This is a review of "ruwth is writing..."

"~ The Apostle John Reminisces ~ "

by invitation from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The prayer life of John just before writing his gospel and so also the book of Revelation as he reflects on his life with Christ. Miracles and signs are spoken of in the context of a personal relationship with Christ. John misses Jesus and longs for his return. He knows that he will not live forever in this life and so he asks for guidance and blessing for his writing project.

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Like you, I believe that John wrote John and Revelation and his epistles and that his two major works came toward the end of his life. You ground your story in the scriptural portrayal of John. John described himself as the one that Jesus loved. He never used the pronoun I in his writings about Jesus. The focus was only on Christ. Doing a summary of his works in a prayer seems appropriate as that was the focus of his life. The 'I remember', and 'I wish' style wording is probably not the way that John would have spoken though it makes him more accessible to a modern audience.

Your words lack physical context and incarnation. They seem a little abstracted from the historical context and circumstances of John's life. Two other attempts to do what you did here can be found in Tim LaHaye and Jerry B. Jenkins - 'John's Story' and a lesser well-known book by Mark Summers, 'The Last Apostle.' Both can be found on Amazon. Both make personal stories out of the apostle's life and try to be true to the strongest traditions of the church and the scriptural testimony about John.

So for example church tradition suggests that Salome, John and James's mother, was the sister of Mary mother of Jesus. So they were cousins to Christ. They grew up together and yet John never speaks of that, the time that he focuses attention on in his writings, the time that is most important to his subsequent ministry is those three years when he was on a mission with Jesus with the other disciples. But as someone who grew up with Mary and Jesus and who looked after Mary until she died in Jerusalem, this was a man who knew all Jesus's stories and yet whose human experience never clouded his mind as to who Jesus was, the Logos made flesh.

John wrote his gospel in Ephesus where he spent his last days and the accounts of 1, 2 Timothy and Paul's earlier letter to the Ephesians therefore give some historical context to his ministry. This was John's center of operation in the last days of his ministry. From there he went out and ministered to the seven churches described in Revelation and many others also. There are interesting traditions relating to his interactions with a heretic called Cerinthius against whom he may have written his gospel in part to refute and in part to testify. Another tradition speaks of a gang leader whom he also rescued from his life of sin among others. Also preaching from a pot of boiling oil near the Colosseum and living to tell the tale. The two books I mentioned above try and explore that historical context giving a bit more of a backstory to the characters with whom John interacted. Being longer accounts they have more opportunity to explore John's character as a son of thunder made good, an overly ambitious apostle who wanted the throne next to Jesus who lived to gain a sober-minded view of the follies of his youth.

I value what you have written as a devotional attempt to summarize the life of the apostle and his teachings. As the only apostle to die in his bed of old age, he was the one with the most mature reflections on the nature and ministry of Christ. I find him completely next level compared to the synoptic gospels and he is ministering to Greeks, who loved their intellectualizing and their stories but John outperforms them all in a way that breaks all heresies and false religions with the power and reality of authentic testimony about the one he loved above all else. To reflect on his teaching in this way can only serve to deepen one's faith in and devotion to Jesus. The yearning to be Jesus having known him so well and then spending almost two extra lifetimes apart from him was utterly unique to John.

When you consider that the first thousand years of Christianity were very much focused on the region that John ministered to the evidence of his fruit and impact is all the more clear.

Thanks for sharing this.

Mechanical issues

I focused on the content.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

STATIC

(E)
How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4783423

Review of ruwth is writing...

Review by LightinMind

Rated: 18+

| (3.5)

Hello ruwth

. Thank you for entering this month's contest. I was hoping for more atheists and Muslims, especially, to take the challenge but they appear to have chickened out this month. Next month's question is more focused on mobilizing those who think they have honest reasons to doubt God.

FORUM

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

(13+)
A writing contest exploring life, the universe, and God. Christian moderation-all welcome.
#2327636 by LightinMind

As the official Judge of this contest, I have the following comments to offer for "ruwth is writing..."

"~ God Is... ~"

Did you answer the question?

You answered the question as someone who believes in what the Bible says about the Christian God and has chosen to obey His commands despite all the challenges of this life. You suggested that it was unimaginable to talk about what it would be like not to have God in your life and especially given the things you have lived through.

Use of quotes, proof-texting or AI - could I hear your voice?

I could feel something of the pains you have endured for your faith in your written voice. There was a yearning for God also in the way that you write. You used scripture in a way that was integrated with what you had to say.

How consistent was your argument?

You said that God had proven faithful to you and was your bright light through some hard times. You made this sound like a matter of choice and that as we make these choices the value of belief becomes evident in our lives. God is presented as the Great Comforter of a person who is no stranger to suffering. He gives peace in the darkest of times.

My thoughts on the substance of what you said

Your entry was very short, did not address the dark side of unbelief, and seemed to focus on suffering as the main reason to believe in God to the point of neglecting the larger view of what a relationship with God can bring. We are to a considerable extent shaped by the experience of our spiritual journeys and can sometimes forget that our path is shared with others. It is not just our choices that matter but also how we help others along the way. A belief in the Christian God of love links our stories with a grander narrative than just our own story and brings us into an eternal relationship with the eternal, infinite, almighty Creator, Redeemer and Judge of all that is. We are part of a church visible and invisible that has impacted every aspect of human life adding purpose, hope, meaning, objectivity to the moral order, accountability and justice, value and dignity, and a grounding to reality. As with the other entry this month there was a Pelagian focus on the power and value of individual choice. It is God who saves us and we respond to the gift of His salvation by choosing to allow Him to work within us. Our choices neither make Him real nor change the reality of who He is. God is and we either believe or do not believe in all that that means.

Mechanical issues

The Bible also says [,] "God

I can{x} {/x}not imagine

Thanks again for entering.
LightinMind

"My Philosophy of Rating and Reviewing"

#4780384

Review of Who Wrote the Epistle to the Hebrews?

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I found "Who Wrote the Epistle to the Hebrews?"

while browsing another topic. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Who wrote the Epistle to the Hebrews? Tradition says Paul but unlike his other books he never signed it so some say it is unknown. The author reviews the evidence and reaches her conclusion.

Commentary

This is my reading of what you wrote, as it read to me, feel free to disagree with me.

You list the evidence for Pauline authorship as:
1) There is a strong tradition on this.
2) The reference to Timothy in 13:23
3) The language is in Paul's style and differences can be attributed to the fact he was adjusting to a Hebrew audience.

You could have included the classic "Grace be with you" closing greeting that Paul used also.

That the temple must have still existed when the letter was written makes it possible that Paul or someone else of his generation wrote this.

Your list of dissenting scholars does not include much real contrary evidence. So you do not review the evidence against Paul's authorship beyond saying that Paul does not say he is the author, and a different salutatory formula is used here.

I think we simply cannot know. You are asserting rather than demonstrating in your argument. I am happy to accept Pauline authorship of a letter he claims as his but not this one and using his Jewish audience to explain this does not satisfy his break with his normal style.

Peter was a fisherman and the text of Hebrews is far too sophisticated to have been written by him even with Mark's help.

It could be in Paul's style because it was a disciple that he trained.

Timothy had more friends than just Paul, he was indeed the leader of the church in Ephesus for a while. So this could have been written by someone else intimate with both. Or it could have been added on by Paul to a letter written by one of his disciples. By doing so he endorses the authority of the text and uses it without having written it. Either way this reference does not prove Paul wrote this.

Eusebius suggested that Paul wrote it in Hebrew and then Luke translated it into Greek. Others suggest Clement, the third pope, did the translation. Now we only have the Greek texts for this. The Greek is qualitatively superior to Paul's normal direct style.

It is clear that this text is written by a direct witness to the apostle's teachings and it is one of the most profound and inspiring texts in scripture. My theory is that it was written by a woman tutored by Paul but one who was unable to claim authorship because of her gender, which would have undermined its authority in that age. She may have changed the participles used to reflect her male-dominated world and removed a consideration of the author's gender from the receipt of the substance of the text.

Mechanical issues

Focused on the substance, but nothing stood out here.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

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14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4777750

Review of Desecration

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Hello, Sumojo

. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

"Desecration "

was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A captivating tale of a reporter going to Bloomfield, a small town to report on an act of desecration. A grave has been broken open, but whose grave and why?...

Commentary

This was well written and you drew me into the story as I followed Emily around. You wrote a sad tale about a disfigured soldier rejected by his wife and then taking his own life and blended it with another local tragedy of four teenagers killed in a recent car crash. You wove in a Stephen King novel. The one with Annie Wilkes a mentally unstable serial killer who imprisons the victim of a car crash. I liked the way the soldier ghost appears to wonder how Emily will handle his disfigurement before repeating the folly of a century before.

It is the little details that make a story like this work. The fact she should not have drunk that coffee and then could not sleep for example. How a small town, probably catholic handles a suicide at different times.

The plot is both predictable and unpredictable which keeps the reader on his way to that supernatural encounter but which makes its character a surprise nonetheless when it comes.

I hope your stereotypical view of teenagers drinking, taking drugs, and then doing dares is an Australian thing. My teenagers would not behave like that, would they?

I wonder if a reporter would have gotten the two nights' expenses on a story like this which did not even include a murder or large enough sum of money.

Normally I stay away from the horror genre but you made this one sound real and it flowed well and even got me sympathetic to the ghost.

Mechanical issues

Focused on the content

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4777739

Review of Commuter

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, Lobelia is truly blessed

. This is a Raid Review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

"Commuter"

was selected by personal choice for this time around. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The author takes a familiar path home but is surprised nonetheless by a uniquely beautiful scene. A golden setting sun combined with a rainbow radiant cloud provokes thoughts and visions.

Commentary

The colors that the Lord paints his sky with are ever-changing. There is always occasion for wonder. This poem provoked a memory of driving home while on a project in England a few years back. There was a ferocious storm raging on one side of the motorway with dark clouds and thunder and lightning. On the other side, it was glorious sunshine and there was a rainbow arch over the road. I think I must have been traveling the same speed as the storm and so the unforgettable experience lasted for a full hour. I chased the rainbow all the way home.

I liked this phrase:
rainbow-radiant cloud

Mechanical issues

You rhymed the second and last lines consistently. Variable syllable count and lack of tonal harmony - but this was a free verse.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

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14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4774206

Review of Sky watching

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, pinkMauve

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Sky watching"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A woman walks through day and night watching seagulls dance in the sky above and then stars sparkling together like old friends. She thought of him, of the separating and the togetherness, his eyes sparkling as they told a bad joke or gazing upward into the cosmos. But can such things last...

Commentary

As a simple expression of yearning and fearfulness, I loved this. You took two things, stars and seagulls, that were a part of your journey and linked them with your feelings about this man. They revealed uncertainty and connection, joy, and interest but also fear and a feeling that maybe this will not last.

Stars may take billions of years to burn out but maybe love measures all things against eternity.

As you say you are not a star nor a seagull but that does not mean they cannot whisper to you and through you to us.

Mechanical issues

You used British English.

The stars sparkle in the night [,] but they are just gas. - maybe a comma here.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4774203

Review of On Reviewing Etiquette

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hello, Valori76

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "On Reviewing Etiquette"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

This is about reviewing other people's poetry. Where's the line between allowing the soulful expression of someone's unique feelings on the world and the demand that poetry conform to certain rules e.g. relating to flow and structure?

Commentary

Interesting piece and I tend to prefer Freeverse also. Content is more important than style to me but style helps the magic reach the rest of us. Critiques of style are something like advising people on their wedding plans or on how to raise their unborn child, at the end of the day it is their wedding and their child. But maybe they will remember a single sentence of what you said and put it to good effect.

Consider this quote from Atticus for example:

Love is diving headfirst into someone else's confusion and finding that it all makes sense

There is no rhyme or rhythm but I love it and it is powerful. If I leave even a few snippets of wisdom, like this, in the poems I write, I will die a happy man.

Mechanical issues

Focused on the content, wanting to hear your soul speak

But generally, numbers under twenty are written out.

Thanks for sharing.

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4774200

Review of The Elemental Chronicles

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (2.5)

Hello, Davejesi

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "The Elemental Chronicles"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A creation myth provides the background for a cosmic battle between dark and light. The battle seemed won with the triumph of the Elemental Kingdom, but now this has fallen and someone has summoned the powers of the dark Lord Noxithar to destroy all that Illuminous has created. Can Blaze Flamestrike save the day in fulfillment of prophecy?...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You borrow from various religions here including Zoroastrianism juxtaposing light and darkness. That religion also posits a savior figure who comes and rescues the day at the end of time. Your Christian heresy is the dualistic Manichaeism. Various Hindu epics also explore this battle between good and evil and Chinese Taoism balances light and dark, yin and yang also. So there is nothing new under the sun whatever names we dress our new presentations in.

I got a little confused by your account, I would assume Illuminous created the world but the implication in paragraph 2 is that Noxithar did.

Your five basic elements contrast with Greek and Asian mythologies which use space or aether instead of lightning.

If some of the elementals died then how can the five reunite to defeat evil?

This reads a little like a Star Wars epic and I imagine Blaze carries a lightsaber.

Mechanical issues

This is a draft of a more ambitious plan but it needs a lot of work and is a little confusing at the moment.

Generally, numbers under twenty should be written out.

You use an omniscient narrator to tell us about the universe and the conflicts contained in it. But this does not make the characters come alive in the way that a show rather than tell format would do. Maybe you could rewrite from the perspective of Blaze thinking through the stories he has been told and interacting with some of the evil forces arrayed against him.

Thanks for sharing.

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4773844

Review of The Abyss and the Anchor"

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, True Echo

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "The Abyss and the Anchor""

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Trapped inside a dark bubble of his own creation the poet is aware that he is living inside a fabricated delusion and is looking for a way out...

Commentary

We are altoften the architects of our demise, self-sabotaging the possibility of life, love and truth in our experience. This poem explores that self created darkness, pushes at its boundaries looking for the light that might betray exits from dark caverns of despair, self-doubt and self-pity. Sometimes our thinking process itself is the problem and we need to get out of our own heads and back on to the path by which we can restore what was lost. Maybe now is not the time to reason why but rather just to choose a positive path and walk it into the sunlight of actions. Let thought follow will into the daylight of a new dawn. Even in the darkest night there's always hope to reignite.

Mechanical issues

Some of the phrasing seemed a little old fashioned e.g. fray

Thanks for sharing.

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4773502

Review of Spices, Jerk, and Chili

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, SantaBee

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Spices, Jerk, and Chili "

via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Derice and Junior are inseparable and enthused about California. Derice meets Barbie and his cousin worries he might no longer have time for him. They start a food business with a food truck and Jamaican Jerk is a hit. Junior meets Suzie and then there is a food competition...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Junior is the younger cousin in the shadow of the older Derice. It is Derice who gets a girlfriend first and it is his product that the business sells. He is thinking about marriage and is ambitious to succeed. Suzie seems to be the background star here awakening a potential in Junior that he was not aware of himself.

I love the ending which rebalances the scales and brings Junior out of the shadows. That they remain friends even after the role reversal is testimony to the positive relationship and their shared endeavor in the business. Indeed both the women and the men are friends before and after. It is a peaceful revolution of circumstances which is generally the best kind to have.

Thanks for an uplifting read.

Mechanical issues

Nothing major to say here.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4773499

Review of Twilight of the Gods

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, Beholden

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Twilight of the Gods"

via the entry list for the WDC contest. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

As the aristocracy fades and the wild encroaches upon their estates the sounds of revolution can be heard in the cities. The mob approaches and one man, the groundsman, John, stands ready to face them. But what could he say to stop the violent march of history...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

Congratulations on your success with this story. I loved the very human way that you made the clash of the old and the new come alive. The story reminded me of the last days of the French aristocracy before the angry mob guillotined them except these aristocrats, at least the wife, were not the useless hangers-on of Versailles after the sun king. Then I thought this might have been a scene set in Britain except the civil war was pre-"telly" and did not include a massacre of aristocrats. The name Gunga Din dates the story after the nineteenth century, the chosen names of the Duke and Duchess make it sound British rather than Russian where the aristocracy was decimated.

Despite the feeling of historical rootlessness I finally concluded it did not matter. The main point was about the character of John and his faithful service to a family that had done much good down the generations. It reminded me of the organic gentleness of historical change that has characterized the British experience since the Civil War. We still have kings and aristocrats and they are no longer as central to our lives as they were, but there is no need to chop off their heads and to burn their houses down as we have simply grown alongside them and so the land is not stained in blood. It is people like John that have managed that transition.

Good story and a rebuke to the history of more revolutionary countries like Russia and France that still live with the wounds and instability of their abrupt and violent changes.

Mechanical issues

Thanks for making such an assessment unnecessary, a well-written piece.

Thanks for sharing.

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4773495

Review of Why?

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, Fyn-elf

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Why?"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

The poem describes the joy of writing, comparing it to special moments like Christmas morning, a newborn child in an adoring mother's arms, and a child's first visit to a beach. The pains that went into the creation of a printed book are nothing compared to the feeling of creation, growth, and the pleasure of opening eyes to a world more marvelous than could have been grasped had we not written.

Commentary

I have written a great many books now, which are legacy for my children and have helped with my preaching role, though the whole publishing and marketing effort that follows that act of creation seems a little anti-climatic and I am slower on that front. Your poem is a reminder of the simple joy of creation and how our eyes and those of others have been opened to a wider world by the act of writing.

I did a study on Job recently in the bible for a sermon. God's answer to Job, and all the pains inflicted on him, has often puzzled me in the last few chapters of that book. God reminded Job of the complexity and wonder of His created works. Only the blind could question God's competency in running the universe when every step through this life, even the most painful ones, was through such wonders. Is the writer's task to open eyes to reasons for joy and wonder, reasons that would never have been glimpsed without the pains experienced on the writer's journey?

Thanks for your poem which was positive and uplifting.

Mechanical issues

Freeverse.

Thanks for sharing.

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4773492

Review of It Wasn't My Fault

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, Jameson Rehm

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "It Wasn't My Fault"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

It wasn't Russel Dawkin's fault or was it?...

Commentary: Content, Characters and Plot

You write this in the first person conscious that your mother might be reading along. Or is that just a way to try and convince your reader that you too are a human being? The memory of meeting Karen, eight years your junior, and the move to take pizza together after a few drinks are all remembered. But you did not even ask her name until in a shared cab together. Everything is still normal and human, having pizza with friends with the possibility of moving back to her place. Then there is a moment of unexplained blankness when she goes down an alleyway and never returns. A brutal murder is referred to but not the motive and the perpetrator is kept mysterious. We are missing the weapon though it sounds like something sharp as the body was cleaved into five pieces. The denial is repeated and the details are blanked out. It wasn't your fault because it could not have been your fault. But the police will still ask their questions and what other explanation could there be when the alley was empty of all but the two of you?

I liked this even if the subject matter was a little dark. That you leave the true verdict as to what happened hanging is a provocative and interesting ending.

Mechanical issues

I guess it depends one on which side you look at the situation from

my names Russell Dawkins - possessive - did your mom not know this?

I guess I tell you all this because [,] well, I’m writing... - comma

quillbot.com or Grammarly can help identify missing commas, inappropriate tenses, unnecessary words, failure to close brackets, and spelling mistakes e.g. Iphone is iPhone. Possessive requires apostrophe

Thanks for sharing.

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4772872

Review of The Writer's Stairway

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hello, Jaye P. Marshall

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "The Writer's Stairway"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

Dick has always written and always aspired to be a great writer, but up until now success has eluded him. Why is that?

Commentary

Writing about writing on a writer's site you share some interesting insights with writers.

This piece triggered a few memories of how it all began in my case. I remember being published in a local newspaper several times at around ten years of age for short stories and poems.

Your piece described the agony of rejection, which is the staple diet of most writers. We learn from the feedback we get and try and improve our art. But I wonder if just wanting to be a writer for its own sake is as important a goal as having something you want your readers to hear.

The publication process is antiquated and needs an overall. It misses too much talent and is controlled by a small pool of often arrogant and misguided agents and publishers who are desperately competing with each other in a tough marketplace. They are trying to read what works but what works is not always something that they can grasp. Often they promote the wrong people and miss the right ones. On the other hand these days there is always Amazon which is relatively painless so long as you do not mind doing your own publicity and marketing.

Making your audience feel is the all-important connection with the reader People read emotions in novels and enjoy the rollercoaster ride the author takes them on. I wrote something recently that got me a whole load of positive comments, but I later realized only from men. Then my daughter read it and took the whole piece apart and now I feel compelled to rewrite whole sections of my original work. Our readers are part of the reason we write and our engagement with them means the writer's task is never done.

Mechanical issues

After 77 reviews this piece has little/nothing to be corrected so I focused on the content.

Thanks for sharing.

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4772862

Review of Funny World

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello, Winchester Jones

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Funny World"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A man on the San Francisco Golden Gate Bridge is contemplating ending it all following the death of his daughter. But then a dog chases a cat into his arms...

Commentary

The description made me think this was going to be a funny story but the first paragraph corrected that impression immediately. You wrote in the first person as if recounting your own experience and described the death of a daughter which would be harrowing for anyone. So suddenly the theme was deadly serious and it was clear you were considering jumping, which from that height would have been deadly.

But then along comes the cat and dog. Being a cat person I could relate to the cat, its fear and its faith that somehow you would provide protection drove it into your arms.

It was very interesting to hear that almost no one ever jumps on the dark side of the bridge facing away from the lights.

Anyway, I liked the ending and the name you gave to the cat. There is always hope.

Mechanical issues

Focused on the content.

Thanks for sharing.

** Image ID #1900402 Unavailable **

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How do I assess people's work when reviewing?
#2259390 by LightinMind

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4772861

Review of Saving the World

Review by LightinMind

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hello, ShmrGray

. This is a review from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

I received "Saving the World"

via an official email with a recommended item list and yours looked interesting. I have the following comments to offer.

Reader Experience

A broody teenager, an ogre who bakes ( but don't ask what is in his pies), a fish in boots with no eyes, and John and Lydia are hoping to save the world. They have a few hurdles to overcome...

Commentary

This was a funny collection of one-liners from disparate characters who might never find a way to come together as a team. The threat to the world is unspecified but it does not matter as the plan requires a car engine that has been stolen.

Favorite lines included:

"I ain't touching the damn sewers in these boots!" This was screamed by a blind fish with giant eyes.

Also, "Sheesh, calm down, lady," the teenager muttered, rolling his eyes.

How the characters communicate and in what language is unspecified but the conversation is circular and it seems the A-Team lacks a van.

Very funny thanks.

Mechanical issues

It was not clear who was speaking a lot of the time. For example "I hate you" sounds like a teenager talking. However, given the emotional nature of the fish, the frustration in Lydia and the fact that John might be seeing his plan fall apart right now, it could have been someone else.

Thanks for sharing.

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#2259390 by LightinMind