Very true.
I always try leave the door open for the person behind me. But come to think of it, if someone in front of me leaves the door open. I generally forget to check behind me. Will look out for that one.
I know what you mean by Snarky, another word to describe such a cowardly act is spineless.
That's why things go missing. Never replacing what they are using, to the way they found it. Might as well put it in their pocket and be gone with it. (Obviously not your sibling).
I am the one always lagging behind. Not out of slowness, but so as to see what's happening in front.
If I was to yell in my house. No one would listen as I now live alone.
When I did live with others, no one ever listened, so know I write.
Keep working on it.
By which I mean continue the story.
Your account mong-kok, I could relive it as if I had been there.
Your use of epiphany, and the dream at the end, gives the reader an understanding of the past.
Your style seems witty and very descriptive.
Nothing wrong with format/structure.
Only saw 2 spelling mistakes(if your interested, but you did say not finished yet)
The joke Mr Ryan tells about driving in China- Mrs Patterson had riotus laugh- doesn't quite fit.
The paragraph that starts with `Jason gave an honest smile` it later says no truer e`er been spoke.
A brilliant piece, hope to read more. 100 points for you.
Funny as hell.
There should be more.
Who would know upgrading your phone could be so intricate.
Lovely dialogue, the ex is on form. Sounds like the London hottie is as well.
Nothing wrong with grammar or format.
There is a lovely flow and ebb to story.
Any downsides, could be turned into a short story? if you have enough to entertain the reader with, seems like you do.
Considering I am heartbroken, this piece runs parallel with how I feel.
Nothing wrong with grammar or format.
Lovely swinging cadence. Great tempo.
It is an adventure, it can leave you sweet and gooey or a bitter after taste that won`t dissipate no matter the weather.
I suppose its true, better to have loved and lost(not in my case) than to never have loved at all.
A terrible chapter in history. Its always the infamous days that are stuck in our minds, like those soles trapped for hours in both towers or the hapless passengers on doomed flights.
I found your recollection informative and nostalgic.
You certainly have a style which gives the reader perspective on what you write.
Your first 2 paragraphs, although you recall the death of your grandparents, you were able to cast a little sunshine by recalling the many 1st`s we all go through.
Paragraphs 4 and 5 could be broken up a bit, makes it easier to read punctuations on certain sentences.
I`m still a novice(third day on site), I hope my comments helped.
Thanks for the 1st memories:)
Another great read.
Format and layout leaves nothing to chance.
Can see the characters relationship and journey.
Serial offenders or just dependent on narcotics.
Excellent explanation of journey, and a real sense of the time.
Dialogue between characters could have been taken from a script:)
Would have loved to had read more, which is the first point of a good read.
Keep the reader thinking `what happens next`. I will be.
charming and delightful.
Didn't think first 2 lines where relevant.
if you split each verse or two at a time into own paragraphs, format would be more digestible.
Punctuation of important verse`s or ending of some verses(with punctuation) would be beneficial to reader and of course your self. Taking words to new heights and creating more of an impact on readers.
you've really touched on the true meaning of adore and loss. On their relationship, and his loss.
you could if you wanted to extend this as I was left wanting to read more.
short and sweet.
Format was excellent,
They are definitely not useful skills, the words you use or the actions you display.
Poetry is harder to conjure than a story, I prefer to read poetry that is easy to understand-as is yours-
I cant comment on grammar etc. as I am still a novice and found nothing wrong with words you used.
You seem to have a flair for poetry with a tone angled at heartache. I will be reading more of your work to see if your journey has a happy ending.
I hope you shared this piece with the depressed boy. I`m sure if you did he will no longer be so sad.
Sometimes people just need to be awoken from their slumber, a limerick, a tale, a gesture.
Something that will make you sit up and pay attention.
Your piece would make anyone happy, which is what happiness is about.
We can only be worthy of happiness by making others happy. But in the case of the 1st boy, we do as I said before, sometimes need help.
By making him happy, you in turn would become happiness.
I thought your piece was thought provoking, maybe the paragraphs could have been broken up more, but that would only benefit those who struggle to read small print.
Look forward to reading more from you.
Riveting. Felt like I was reading an extract from a novel by Stephen King or Clive Barker.
The format was easy going and understandable.
Could be serial killers or characters with the need to feed.
Either way the extract is well thought out and there is a definite style to your writing.
I try not to comment on the grammar side as this is my first day on this site, seemed well planned and executed.
Look forward to reading more from your archives of `endless thoughts`.
BRILLIANT. going through heartache myself. So can easily relate to this poem. There was me thinking i`m the only one.
Short, direct and to the point.
Hopefully you wont be fully killed, so as you may keep on writing.
RE; I found your essay easy to read and understand. Made me want to finish reading, at the end I was half expecting another chapter.
I suppose I could relate to some aspects, (my father is still alive to this day). But he was never around, my parents divorced when I was 10 and I never recovered till I left home aged 20.
As this is my first time ever using this site, I do not find myself a worthy critique to judge your essay. I'm a novice so you may find errors etc. in my grammar and what I write about your essay may not seem relevant.
None the less, if your essay was part of a novel or short story I would be compelled to read on as I found nothing wrong with your layout/presentation or story telling prowess.
I hope you enjoyed reading my review, as I enjoyed reading your essay. It contained numerous key points, was informative and never strayed from your goal.
I also wish you could recall more because as I mentioned before it is well worth a read, being from memory (actual event), made it more easy to read and understand.
Luciuss
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