This is such an amazing piece. Such truth is conveyed. So many people in this world have lost themselves and merely act how they are taught to act by the world, never truly expressing their individuality, never achieving their dreams, just going with the flow.Unfortunately most never find themselves again. I truly enjoyed reading this poem. Great job. Keep up the good work.
What a great piece. It had great rhythm and flow as well as touching on such a meaningful topic. I wish it were true and people could actually stand up to their abusers. Abuse, in any way, shape, or form is wrong. Though I have to say, and it may sound cruel, but I think a shot to the head would be too easy. They need to feel the pain that they inflicted each and every day. Too many people live with regret. If only I.... seems to be a very popular phrase. Anyway, great poem. I enjoyed reading it.
Wow, this a great piece of writing. It had me completely enthralled. I love the way you were able to give the insects(which I believe, though am not quite sure since you mentioned a stinger, are roaches. Please correct me if I am wrong.) such believable feelings and emotions. I haven't read anything this entertaining in such a long time. There are two things that I want to point out to you thopugh, that you might want to take a look at. One is in paragraph twelve. Where you say-
...for the mist remains longer at times than others.
It reads like you're talking about different kinds of mists. In my opinion you should change it to-
...for the mist remains longer some times- or- for the mist at times remains longer.
the other is in paragraph 19 where you say-
It is but futile, for the Stermines...
I think it would sound better as-
It is futil- or- It is but a futile attempt.
Other than those I mentioned, I think it is a great piece of work.
I really think this is a great piece.It made me regret a mistake I made in the past when I hurt someone who truly cared for me. Seriously, you describe what she wanted and how I was perfectly. One thing I want to point out is the second to last line. I think you should change there is to there's. I just think it would help it flow more smoothly. Other than that, excellent work.
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