I loved this story. I am sure it goes back to my younger years and spending many days on a farm in PA. I am 50 today and still dream of living in the country. I think animals are wonderful and they can teach us many lessons in life. Here you have some sacrifice and protection. I think we could all learn a little from that rooster. Thanks for a pleasant read that brought back memories. Keep on writing...Lorrie
I really love this poem, Truly a love all women dream of. I like the flow of the poem. Short yet so meaningful. I also feel it is vivid in imagery. Love brings thoughts of flowers so delicate and cherished as we live it, and when it is gone the memories still linger and the tenderness they shared lives on. Often I take poems or items I like and post them on the fridge. This one is going up today. Keep sharing would love to see more.
Overall Impressions:
I liked the imagination used in this story.
Imagery:
I think a child could easily picture what you wrote.
Flow/Form:
This had a pretty good start at flow. Some of your paragraghs need some work, to make them a little clearer. I like how it has a theme and the boys learn a lesson.
Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation:
You do have some spelling and punctuaton errors, that if you fix will surely up your rating.
Suggestions/Improvements to be Made:
Seeing this is a newly created story, I think first you just need to take time reading it over. Straiten out the spelling errors and make the paragraphs clearer.
You might want to reconsider changing the name of Woo, with Wobblers and the land of Wobbly it seems to be a lot of W's. Then again "Woo" reminds me of "Cindy Lou Who" from the grinch who stole christmas and that is a cute name. Only my thoughts it is your story and you name it whatever means the most to you.
Closing Remarks:
Good job, and welcome to Writing.com! I hope you have a great time here!
Keep sharing. Gift points for encouragement included with this review. Lorrie
I liked the imagery in this poem. I could really picture it.
It caught my eye, as just today I heard a song about a guy seeing a homeless man for the 21st time, but he walks away and pretends like he never saw him there.
At least in this poem the person acknowledged he was there and told him he needs to wash his face.
Keep on writing and welcome to WDC. Points for encouragement included.
Bravo Alex, this was very well written! I like the ending left up to the reader to decide, or wonder, or wait for more. I felt like I was on the bus with them.
I am new to writing and more for my own learning and work on correcting my grammer, but in the following sentence is it proper to use "got" vs possibly "took" or is the term "got" used properly? I pick up you are from the UK vs the US were I am from.
"This bus, no. 94, was the bus he always got to work; he had no intention of going to work today."
Should there be a comma after "again" in the next sentence?
"As the bus roared into life and began to move again John thought on what a mess his life had become in the last twenty-four hours."
I am only asking, as I would have put it there and seem to really need work at understanding punctuation much better then I thought I did.
Thanks for sharing your work, I think yours is the best I of all I read in the contest, and I am one of them,LOL. Will surely mark you as an author I will want to read more from. Lorrie
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lorriern
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 6:34am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
