I'm a newbie at this site but one of my passions is music so when I saw you lyrics I decided to share my ideas with you. Please consider this as a friendly comment intended to help you shall you decide to edit your work.
1st) What I liked...
When I first read the lyrics I tried to read them as I'd sing them. I liked the repetitive use of the word 'You' at the beginning of verses. From a musical point of view that could work very well. I also completely got the a somehow psychedelic vibe from the lyrics like I was going through someone else's mind, someone that is on his tipping point.
2nd) What I think you could double check...
When I read the lyrics I got confused if you had missed 'and dream' on the 1st chorus or if it was intentionally left out.
On the last stanza you break the rhyme scheme used throughout the whole lyrics on the last line with the word 'sky'. Analysing it as a poem I'd say it would work, as lyrics intended be used for an actual song I have my doubts.
3rd) Final remarks...
Overall I liked your work and I think it could be a quite good song. Minor details you could double check
Cheers
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