Hello! I really enjoyed this excerpt! The idea is really interesting. Are they dragons? Are they shifters? Or do they just worship dragons? I couldn't really tell. I'm interested though. Where in the overall story arc does this take place? I could see it as a beginning or as a midpoint in a series (like the end of a second book in a trilogy). A daughter who isn't sure that she is ready to take on a mantle of responsibility but who must face these fears and overcome them in order to provide for the people who depend on her. Love that. And I love dragons, so I'd love to read more!!
How does the system of authority work in this society? And what are the gender role stereotypes in this community? There was a king, but they worship a goddess. Is it normal that the ruler is a man? Or is it usually a woman?
The only constructive criticisms I have are these:
1. Check on the spelling and grammar. There were a couple of small things, but they didn't impair reading. Just when it says "sooth my sisters pain." Sooth means truth. Soothe means comfort. And then you need an apostrophe in sister's.
Thanks for sharing your work! It was a pleasure to read!
I love this! It has the feel of a graphic novel almost because of how quickly it moves and how concise the writing is. Also, I really appreciate your clean grammar and sentence structure. You are truly a writer.
I'm excited to know more about the adventures of this ninja! Who is this person? I'm intrigued.
What I liked:
1. This character has a pretty good voice. I like the vernacular, the thinking - it feels pretty natural.
2. I'm intrigued by the murder. I want to know who did it too! In 250 words, great job!
Constructive criticism:
1. What's the purpose of this chapter as a component of your novel? Just after crawling out of a river seems like an odd time to feel like beginning story time.
2. Is your story about the murder of Serra's parents? What are the connections between this stuff and what your story is about?
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ljquillyn
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:25pm on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
