I loved your story. I can totally relate to the whole "perfect" golf swing thing as I have started to to play golf myself and become very frustrated when I can't hit the ball right. Your story made me realize that not everything will come easy. The only thing I really noticed that you needed to improve is the use of present and past tense. The story is mainly in past tense and there was a couple spots where you said like have instead of had. But other than that its good.
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