This is really nice piece of writing. The only negative thing I have to say is that the 5th paragraph feels a little out of place. To me it seems like I'm suddenly beginning to read a biography; I'd rather read a "show, not tell" kind of story. Maybe saying who she is through her thoughts instead.
You did a great job! I liked how you used shorter sentences instead of streaming them all together.
Hi Brooke,
This piece of writing is very compelling and thought provoking. It's as if I can feel her sadness and the burdens she carries with her daily. The sentences flow nicely, which reminds me of tears. In conclusion, you did a great job. Keep the good work up!
~Livv
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