Lilli is QUILLING!'s (lilli_in_fl) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

2,126 Public Reviews Given

2,138 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I enjoy giving reviews. When I leave feedback it's after I've read it twice, once as a reader...looking at story content and letting my imagination get wrapped up in the tale. The second time I read a piece I check for misspelled words, some basic grammar (I'm no expert), and any unresolved questions I may have about the "who, what, where, why". I'm not an editor, I review as a "reader". I want to be entertained. So if you want to know how a reader views your piece, I'm the girl for the job. "Reviews: Receiving and Giving"

by Lilli is QUILLING!

I'm good at...

...telling you how a poem or story makes me feel and if I love it, I'm not afraid to gush over it. I've been known to fall in love with characters, cry, and laugh along with the writer. While we may not always agree, I provide technical (grammar, punctuation) feedback as well.

Least Favorite Genres

Science Fiction, Fantasy

Least Favorite Item Types

Campfires and Interactives

I will not review...

Not sure...I haven't turned a piece away yet. If someone asks me to read their work, I am humbled by their request and honored that they'd want my opinion.

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4788910

Review of An Old Party Every Year

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

October Prompt:

Hello PureSciFiPlus ,

Overall Impression:
An interesting story about a group of kids going on an adventure, seeking answers, with a real threat of danger.

Good use of the image prompt!

Title / Description / Hook:
The title and description line are good and give nothing of what's to come away.

I was hooked when I read that Brandon and Olivia were on a mission to discover what happened to their mom.

Characters & Dialogue:

Good characters and dialogue. Easy to follow along, moved the story forward, and was realistic.

Grammar and Mechanics:
In this section, I list areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing; such as punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

They use binoculars to see this old house that suddenly appears there.
Consider this:
They use binoculars to see the old house.
This paragraph began with stating the house 'suddenly' appeared, therefore repeating that here seems unnecessary.

"...All I can remember is that I was just starting to enjoy Halloween but after she disappeared so did Halloween for us.”
Commas are needed after the words Halloween and disappeared.

There are a few comma issues here and there, and a few sentences could be rewritten for clarity.

Closing thoughts:

Overall, a good story, entertaining and engaging. Thank you for your entry!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4788780

Review of Voices

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

October Prompt:

Hello THANKFUL SONALI Love my family ,

Overall Impression:
I enjoyed this story and saw a lot of you within the lines of this entertaining tale.

Title / Description / Hook:
Great use of the image prompt, and I like your chosen title. The description line plays off the title nicely and hints at a sad story, but that was not to be the case.

The part that really hooked me was the mention of buying a haunted house for the company. I actually laughed when I read the part about ghosts not needing to use the washing machine!

Characters & Dialogue:

Of course, I liked the character because so much of her reminded me of you!

The dialogue with the son of the previous owner was funny and believable. It seems the two characters have struck up a deal and are developing a budding friendship.

Closing thoughts:

A fun and entertaining tale!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4788770

Review of The House in the Forest

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

October Prompt:

Hello LightinMind ,

Overall Impression:
This is an exciting story! While science fiction is not my 'go-to' genre, this one was a great read with many enjoyable moments.

Title / Description / Hook:

Good title choice and the description line hints at the storyline without giving anything away.

Characters & Dialogue:

I liked that the main characters were husband and wife on this adventure together.

James and Sandra found themselves in an interesting predicament once they were on the Wolfe property. After quite some time, they became curious about the stealth shield and, apparently, got themselves into even more trouble.

Grammar and Mechanics:
In this section, I list areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing; such as punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

Yet somehow James and Sandra kept on moving, dodging and diving with only minor scratches.
A comma is needed after the word somehow in this sentence. And consider removing the word on.

There are a few commas needed after introductory phrases throughout the story.

Many very long sentences might read better if they were rewritten and broken into separate sentences.

Closing thoughts:

Readers are left to speculate what becomes of James and Sandra at the end. A good story, captivating even. Keep writing.

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4788744

Review of The Maniac Across The Lake

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

October Prompt:

Hello Espero ,

Overall Impression:

This story is filled with emotion and tells a tale of what can become of hate and jealousy. At first, I wasn't sure how breaking the story into past and present would play out, but you handled that well. It was easy to follow along.

Title / Description / Hook:

The title and description line are good. They hint at 'something' but give nothing away. I think the part that hooked me came early on when Edward was described in his kitchen, and with the mention of revenge.

Characters & Dialogue:

The characters and dialogue were done well. Both are believable and realistic. I'm sure I gasped when I read about Genevieve and Edward falling to their deaths. How utterly tragic and sad.

Oh, the patience of Malcolm to wait for 35 years to take revenge and avenge the deaths. Wow.

Grammar and Mechanics:
In this section, I list areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing; such as punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

it's base nothing more...
should be its, no apostrophe.

Ever since their mother had passed away, a year prior, his brother Malcolm,...
Remove the commas after the words away and Malcolm in this sentence.

hors doeuvres
hors d'oeuvres

Overall, there are misplaced commas and commas missing in other places. Rather than using so many commas, consider shortening some of the very long sentences. This will significantly help the reader in many ways.

Closing thoughts:

A very good story with great details and descriptions. Keep writing!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4788187

Review of The Dark Lake

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

October Prompt:

Hello Weirdone-Back in the games ,

Overall Impression:
Ah, a "mean girls" story, but in this case, the mean ones go down with the ship! I enjoyed reading this story and didn't see the ending coming. A monster of some sort in this creepy, dark lake was an entertaining twist.

Title / Description / Hook:
I think the title you chose was perfect for the story. Your tagline lets the reader know it's a horror story but gives nothing away, which is perfect.

This is the point where I got hooked on this story:

Am I afraid of the house?

Well, I might be the wrong person to ask.

Characters & Dialogue:
I enjoyed the characters, and the dialogue is well-written and realistic.

Grammar and Mechanics:
In this section, I list areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing, such as punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

I don't recall seeing any spelling errors, but I did notice many places where commas should be placed. I'll give you a couple of examples here:

On that island which is just big enough for it and nothing else.
A comma is needed after the word island.

When Karen walked through the halls everyone paid attention.
Insert a comma after the word halls.

And she gave me a malevolent smile which convinced me that she already knew the answer to that somehow.

Consider this rewording:
She gave me a malevolent smile, which convinced me she somehow knew the answer.

Closing thoughts:
An enjoyable read and you made great use of the prompt image!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4788184

Review of Soul Thief

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

October Prompt:

Hello Amethyst Snow Angel ,

Overall Impression:

Title / Description / Hook:
The title and description line work well together and easily entices readers.

I was hooked early on when Harold offered to 'help' Dan's mom with magic.

Characters & Dialogue:
I liked the characters very much. The dialogue is good and believable, helping to move the story forward.

I felt so bad for Dan when his mom took a bad turn. How convenient that Harold just happened to be there ready to 'help'. I'm pretty sure I was holding my breath during that scene, lol.

Grammar and Mechanics:
In this section, I list areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing; such as punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

Thirteen-year-old Dan shuffled along lugging his bookbag, feet kicking up clouds of dust at each step.
Consider placing a comma after the word along.

Worry about what awaited him when he got home from school gnawed at his stomach.
Consider changing the very 'worry' to 'worrying'.

At last the bristly path opened.
A comma is needed after the word last.

...vague illusion on the water’s surface...
waters, not water's

There are a few other areas that need commas or slight rewording. I didn't last everything but instead opted to give examples.

Closing thoughts:

You did a great job with the story and tying up loose ends. The scene when all the souls were released was interesting! I'm glad Dan's mom was spared and seemingly doesn't remember a thing.

I wonder if Dan and Harold will be more friendly going forward. These characters and the town they inhabit might make for a good series of stories.

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

7

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4788181

Review of Win Some, Lose Some

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

"Short Shots: Official WDC Contest"
Official Judge's Review

October Prompt:

Hello Sumojo ,

Overall Impression:
This is a really good story. I didn't see the tragic ending coming and felt so bad for the family. You did a great job using the image prompt for inspiration.

Title / Description / Hook:
Great title and the description line; though it hinted misfortune was afoot, it gave nothing away!

Characters & Dialogue:
The characters are strong and believable. The dialogue is well done and helps to move the story along. Well done with both.

One of my favorite lines was when the boys commented on how they has missed their mother's cooking.

Grammar and Mechanics:
In this section, I list areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing; such as punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

The bird sounds were different to the familiar ones she’d heard all her life in Dublin.
A slight rewording may work better:
The bird sounds differed from the familiar ones she’d heard all her life in Dublin.

‘The twins will be here in the morning,...
Change the comma here to a period.

‘Well, for sure they’re gonna love the fishin,’ there ...
Same here - change the comma to a period and then capitalize the t in there.

Later that evening the family were playing cards in the spacious living room.
A comma is needed after the word evening.

There are other places where punctuation may need to be modified. I've shared a few examples to give you ideas of what to look for.

Closing thoughts:

A very good story with a sad ending. It's well worth the read. Nicely done.

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards, Lilli

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4775475

Review of Miss Froggy

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Greetings,

I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest-CLOSED till May" by Cubby~Packing .

First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Visually appealing

Easy to understand

Followed the prompt & rules

Overall Impression:
The title and description line are great and fit the poem very well. This poem is easy to read and well-written which would make it a joy to readers of all ages.

Technicalities:
Spelling and rhymes are on point. The grammar and punctuation look good, too. Well done!

Favorites:
I enjoyed that the poem covered how Miss Froggy prepares for hibernation and that with the spring she welcomes tadpoles. The poem even went on to tell us how the tadpoles grow up and then go off onto their own. Thanks for adding the link at the end regarding the life cycle of frogs.

Final thoughts:
Whenever I review items geared toward children, I try to visualize the story in my mind. It was easy to do so with this poem which leads me to conclude it would make a lovely illustrated children's book.

Keep writing!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

9

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4775471

Review of Sitting Pretty in the Sun

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Greetings, Lizzie Winter's Fairy ,

I am reviewing this today as a judge for the "Writing 4 Kids Contest-CLOSED till May" by Cubby~Packing .

First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

Visually appealing

Easy to understand

Followed the prompt & rules

Overall Impression:

Technicalities:
Spelling is good and I liked the use of the repeated line, 'sitting pretty in the sun'.

Your rhyming scheme was pretty good except for the second quatrain: friend and began do not rhyme. Otherwise, things look good.

Favorites:
I really likes the last quatrain of the poem. It's a perfect ending for a child poem.

Final thoughts:
Because this contest asked to make the poem visually appealing, I would suggest centering the poem, making the font larger, and even adding some color to the font.

You have a great poem here! Keep writing!!!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759345

Review of Bunker Kitty

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello there, Inkly Ascension ,

I am one of the judges and here to review your story you submitted to "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest"

by 🐕GeminiGem🎁

.

The title you chose for your story is perfect and you made great use of the tagline. You gave the reader a hint of what was to come - just enough to pique interest.

The story starts interesting and I felt bad for James being alone in the bunker. His wife was certainly intelligent in creating a safe space for them during a great tragedy.

As I read through the story, I did not see a real 'hook' which is a statement that a grabs the reader's attention so that they want to read on. I kept ready because it felt like a human-interest story.

Suggestions:
Here are some grammar, spelling, and technical issues I spotted, and am sharing them with the hopes you find them helpful.

As did the little closet...
A comma is needed after the word closet in the above sentence found at the end of the second paragraph.

His wife, the scientist, using the nuclear apocalypse as a means to test her theories of below-ground living.
To simplify reading, I think you can remove the underlined part without affecting the meaning in any way.

There are a few areas where commas are needed and others where they are not.

Spelling looks good. No errors were found.

Closing Comments:

While I did enjoy reading this, I am left with so many questions. I realize that the word count imposed by the contest would have prohibited expanding certain areas.

I understand that the wife died and I am assuming it while they were in the bunker. So, what did James do with the body?

Was there really a nuclear episode or is it possible that the wife was a little nuts?

I liked the ending of the story and feel like this kitty saved James' life.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

11

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4759337

Review of Across the County Line

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello there, Amethyst Snow Angel ,

I am one of the judges for "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest"

by 🐕GeminiGem🎁

.

This was a fun story to read! I like the characters and the fact that they are spunky senior ladies. The friendship and conversations between June and Elsie are a great hook. The characters are engaging and keep the reader interested.

Suggestions:
Here are some things I spotted and thought I'd share in hopes you find them helpful.

I drove South along a two-lane road.
Using south as a compass direction does not need to be capitalized.

One tacky enameled trinket box caught my eye,...
Insert a comma after the word tacky to separate the two adjectives.

“Look, I found it!” Waving it in the air.
Waving does not need to be capitalized in this section.

“Please just put the treasure hunt out...
Insert a comma after the word please, an introductory phrase.

“Plus he needs an employee,”...
A comma is needed after the word plus, an introductory phrase.

Closing Comments:

The extra kick to this story was that the friends were crime solvers! I loved that and that they won the contest!

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

12

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4750241

Review of Coffee Transformation

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

Rated: E

| (5.0)

WOW!!!! I love this so much!!!!

13

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4742836

Review of Normal. Happy. Healthy

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello Temperance Stone ,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

First Impression:

The story is laid out nicely which makes it easy to read. It's great that you injected linespace between paragraphs as it makes it easy on the eyes.

The title became clear after reading the story and is appropriate.

The description line is an opportunity for the author to explain the title or provide readers with an interesting tidbit to lure them in and want to read and know more. The information you now have might could be place at the end of the story as an 'author's note'.

Thoughts:

There is no dialogue in the story. Dialogue can really help move a story forward and give more character insight to the reader.

I noticed an area or two that might have been inner-thought and should be italicized.

It would be nice to know the main character's name which does not appear in the story.

Favorite Part(s):

I like the way the character found an interesting way to spice up her life. Shoes can make such a difference! There was no mention of whether or not the bright pink heels matched her outfit, but I loved that were pink and cheerful.

Suggestions:

...she was a 25 year old...
Should be written as 25-year-old

They were a good bunch of girls, if a bit rambunctious.
Consider rearranging the words to something like this:
They were a rowdy group, but a good bunch of girls.

During her junior year
This is an introductory phrase and requires a comma after the word year.

Over the summers
This is a prepositional phrase and requires a comma after the word summer.

...boring boring boring.
Please insert commas after the first and second 'boring'.

Several areas need commas. I won't list them all here but instead, I opted to give you examples to help you identify where.

"Critter shack" sounds like the name of a business, therefore shack should be capitalized, as well.

I did not see any spelling errors. Great job there!

Another thing to watch out for is maintaining one POV throughout this short story.

Overall, a good story and a nice beginning to a love/romance story.

Keep writing!!!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

14

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741790

Review of forever lost

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.0)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello sassysue ,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

First Impression:

The title and accompanying description line grabbed my attention first.
After that I noticed the lack of formatting and capitalization in this piece. Without proper formatting and basic mechanics, many people won't stop long enough to read this, unfortunately.

Thoughts:

I think you have an interesting concept here and it is definitely worth spending some in editing. There is some mystery and a hint of paranormal stuff going on and I'd be interested to see what happens beyond this first chapter.

Suggestions:

As mentioned above, the first letter of your sentences needs capitalization. There is also a lack of punctuation that should be addressed.

Additionally, inserting a black space between paragraphs will aid in the presentation and make it easier for readers to read.

A couple of other things to consider is the word count for a chapter; generally a chapter is between 1000 - 5000 words.

A good habit to get into is to add your word count at the top or bottom of the piece. Most contest require this, so creating the habit early on may save you the headache of being disqualified by not entering it.

Once again, this is interesting and you should keep writing!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

15

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741768

Review of Please don't cry

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello elisabeth ,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

First Impression:

The thing that grabbed me was the title and description line! Just with two aspects I was expecting something along the lines of romance and loss. But I didn't expect this. Your poem is deep, emotional, and sad - but sweet.

Favorite Part(s):

What I truly enjoyed with this piece was that the perspective was unexpected. I don't believe I ever read something like this, other than The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. However, that book was not entirely told by the deceased like your poem is.

Suggestions:

Just a couple of suggestions, nothing major.

Peonies do not need to be capitalized.

I do the same, curious as to what has captured his attention.
Conisder this edit: curious what has...

...grey clouds have begun to creep across the sky...
Replace the underlined part with: crept

...I can see welling up in his eyes nonetheless.
Consider adding a comma before nonetheless.

It might be a good idea to get in the habit of adding the line count for poetry, and word count for stories in each piece. Many contests require this, so it's a good habit to start early on.

Everything else looks great. Well done.

Keep writing! You are clearly creative.

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

16

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741569

Review of For Want of a Spring

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello Detective ,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

This is the third of three reviews from the package you won at "Mad Hatter's Tea Party " .

First Impression:

When I read the title, I was thinking of Spring the season, and was taken by surprise to find it was about actual springs! Despite the description line offering a hint that the author wasn't referring to the season; I didn't catch it. The reason I didn't 'get it' is because I live in S. Florida and the only Spring we have is on the calendar, lol.

Thoughts:

This is a fun, clever, and even slightly funny little poem you have given us here!

Favorite Part(s):

I rather liked all the examples you gave where springs come into play. Many of which we may not realize a spring is involved.

Suggestions:
Everything looks great; spelling and everything else. I really enjoyed this poem of yours!

Keep writing!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

17

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741565

Review of Errands

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello Detective ,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

This is review two of three from the package you won at "Mad Hatter's Tea Party " .

First Impression:

I had a feeling this poem would be relatable because we've all got errands to run, don't we?

Favorite Part(s):

This, no doubt, was my favorite part:

That bitter pill came
When the phone rang
To add more errands to the list
Even though the caller could
Easily do those new errands

Why? Because it happens to me ALL the time! LOL.

Suggestions:

And then all the errands are done
Consider this modification: And then, when all the errands are done

Everything looks great. Spelling, etc; I noticed no issues.

One tip I can offer is to always include your line count with poetry and word count with stories. It's a good habit to get into because some contests and activities require it. It would be a shame to get disqualified for not having that.

Something to help you readers is to include the contest link a piece is written for, along with the prompt. Clearly, I can see this was for a contest because you have certain words bolded. When we enter the contest info, reviewers can give feedback on how well we used the prompt. And, for the record, I like the way you used these prompt words!

Keep writing!!!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741554

Review of Walls Could Talk

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello Detective ,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

First Impression:

Congratulations on winning my package which was offered at "Mad Hatter's Tea Party " ! This is the first of your three reviews.

Well, the first that grabbed me was the description line! You had me hooked on a haunted manor! This is a perfect example of how important proper use of the description line is! Good job!!!

I love a good scary story/poem and this fits the bill.

Thoughts:

I enjoy this poem, every word!!!

Favorite Part(s):

Oh, goodness!!! It's way too difficult to choose just one favorite part! But what I can tell you is that the first three stanzas really kept me glued to the piece. Rich and wonderful descriptions.

Suggestions:
I have a few suggestions to offer:

As rain beats a drum beat on dark tiled roofs,
Consider removing the word beat that appears after drum.

If walls could talk what stories would they tell?
A comma needs to be placed after the word talk.

Around and around they whirl across the floor,
A comma is needed after the second occasion of around.

As Old Man Winter storms outside bringing cold and snow.
Consider these options for rewording:
1. Old Man Winter storms outside, bringing cold and snow.
2. As Old Man Winter storms outside, he brings cold and snow.

Of memories good and bad.
Insert a comma after memories.

If walls could talk what stories would they tell?
A comma after talk is needed.
And again here {a couple of lines down), after talk: If walls could talk...

Where sobs and wails of grief are carried upon the winter wind.
Suggestions for slight rewording:

1. Where the winter wind carries sobs and wails of grief.
2. The winter wind carries sobs and wails of grief.

Do murder and madness still remain within it’s stately corridors and rooms?
Consider removing the word still, and it's should be its - no apostrophe.

The first line of the sixth octet needs a question mark.

With it’s macabre and manic history and tales of old.
it's should be its

Keep writing the spooky stuff!!

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741192

Review of The Children of the Euphrates

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello Scott Wilfred Hemsway ,

The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not necessarily reflect the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

First Impression:

Your choice of title was great and directly related to the content. The description line, or tagline, allows the writer to clarify the title or provide a tidbit to lure in readers. You did that for me. I wanted to know what the secret was!

Thoughts:

The opening paragraph gave me the feeling that the characters were outcasts of town, living along the Euphrates. After reading that, I expected a story to unfold that included some of those people. What I found instead were short bios on many different characters, but no real storyline was detected.

By the time I reached the end of this piece, I was left with a few questions.

If the Hemsway's brother was dead, how did he run away and need re-burying?

What was the widow's secret?

Was this a magical community or an insane asylum?

Favorite Part(s):

You gave us some interesting descriptions in this piece; of both the characters and places. I was intrigued by many of them. You, no doubt, have some good writing skills and I think this piece could be a great jumping spot to lead you into stories about these interesting characters.

Suggestions:

With such a short piece, I'm not sure it was necessary to give first, middle, and last names to every character. All that really did was pad the word count and bring nothing to this short piece.

Zuccheto - no need for capitalization and should be spelled zucchetto.

Priest Kaida Hiroto cloaked himself in his usual mourning garments, the neat amice and black Zuccheto placed neatly on his balding head washed down by a quick swig of wine.
A comma is needed after the word head in this sentence.

Additionally, I had a question about this. Kaida Hiroto is a Japanese name, so I would not expect him to wear a zucchetto which Roman Catholics primarily wear. With less than one-half of a percent of the Japanese population being Catholic, this is unusual. The mention of his bald head leans one more toward Buddhism. If he is Buddhist, he would wear a wimple or zukin in Japanese.

There are a few areas where commas are needed. Aside from the one misspelled word, you did great in that respect.

You've got quite an imagination and I look forward to reading more of your work! So, keep writing.

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

20

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741150

Review of Dreamer

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

This is a "Game of Thrones" review in association with the
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello Dave Ryan ,

First Impression:

Wow. This story of yours brought back some memories for me as I remembered my mother in hospice care. Jacky though was having many more lucid moments than my mother had.

This is a sad story, but I'm sure it's one that many readers will relate to on some level. We don't get to this age without having lost loved ones somewhere along the line.

I think you did a wonderful job with the prompt from the official contest. You incorporated it well by weaving it into the story and making it relevant. Good job!

The title of this story grabbed my attention and quickly led me to the description line. The tagline (or description line) allows the author to clarify the title and lure readers in. You managed to do that. The mention of Robert visiting his brother in hospice could also act as an 'unofficial' trigger warning which is nice when dealing with sensitive topics.

Thoughts:

An ellipsis is a punctuation mark that shows an omission of words, represents a pause, or suggests something left unsaid. While we all know this and believe me, this was one of my favorite forms of punctuation. Through time and error, I found other ways to fill those pauses.

It's clear to me that your use of the ellipsis in the story was to create pause and to add dramatic effect. Sometimes though, when we use them too often they can be a stumbling block to a reader. Rather than using an ellipsis to convey the feelings of a character, try showing us how the character is feeling.

An excellent resource to aid in this is a book called The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer's Guide to Character Expression (Second Edition) by Becca Puglisi and Angela. This book is wonderful at helping writers learn how to show (not tell) emotions and expressions from their characters.

Favorite Part(s):

While the topic of their conversation was less than cheerful, it was nice to see Robert and Jack share a lucid conversation which allowed Jack to state his wishes.

Robert vows to help ease his brother's suffering as hard as the decision may be and he knows his mother will be beside herself with rage when the time comes.

Suggestions:

This is the hard part where I make suggestions regarding grammar and punctuation. I won't go line-by-line, only showing a few examples and then you can look for other areas that may need the same edits. But, I do hope that it's useful for you.

No end punctuation here:
"...So now you put your head in your hands, oh no”

Consider a comma after the word line here:
By that final line he had been nearly screaming,...

A comma is needed after the word inoperable; this would join the two independent clauses:
The tumour was inoperable and it was growing...

Of course should have commas before and after:
The thought had of course crossed his mind

rainclouds is two words, rain clouds

As you may have noticed, the thing I noticed the most was comma issues. Don't fret though, commas are going to kill us all one day, I'm sure of it!

All in all, this is a great and touching story.

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

21

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4741101

Review of Green Dragon

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello Amethyst Snow Angel ,

First Impression:

The title, Green Dragon, caught my attention and I found it intriguing. Coupling that with the description line, which was cleverly employed, I was hooked, lol. As a retiree myself, I am anything but bored, but was curious how things would play out in your story.

Thoughts:

As a Floridian, it was nice to see some familiar places in the story.

Favorite Part(s):

My favorite part of this story was that Liz was underestimated because of her age. This happens so often, sadly. But, she was more clever than they gave her credit for, and she carried out the test to perfection and became a valued asset to her employer.

Suggestions:

If I were still a Chicago police officer...”
Consider placing a comma after this introductory phrase.

She ran a hand through her short sandy hair, ...
Consider rewording this sentence. Here is a suggestion:

Running a hand through her short sandy hair, she decided she was too disheveled for a video call and swiped the green button on her phone.

“If you joined a club..."
A comma is needed after the word club.
(There are other areas in the story, like the two examples I've listed, which need commas.)

urgent top-secret documents
Missing a comma between the two adjectives here.

She scanned the seats around her, analyzing each person.
Consider this rewording:
She scanned the surrounding seats, analyzing each person.

There are sections in this story that appear to Liz either talking to herself out loud or in internal thought. It is recommended that internal thought should be italicized. If the character is speaking to herself out loud, consider adding dialogue tags to make it clear to the reader. I did notice that in parts of the story you did italicize the text - great job!

When I read this part, 🎶Yeah I look for drama—yeah I’m chasing karma—seen some things that other people can’t see🎶, I wondered where the sound was coming from before realizing it was her ringtone! That was cute and clever.

Thank you for sharing your work.
Kindest Regards,
Lilli, House Martell

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

22

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4738504

Review of Surprise!

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello JACE

,

As a co-participant in "I Write: Enter the Second Decade"

, it is my pleasure to review your entry.

General Comments:

I love how you opened the piece; I still smile when I think of my 40th birthday party. It lets the reader know that something fun and pleasant is ahead. It certainly made me want to read more.

Like you, my husband and I don't make a fuss over our own birthdays; but we do with our son, his wife, and the kids.

It was very clever of Laura to get your buddy Paul to invite you golfing and then make a pretend fuss about it so as not to give you any ideas about her plans.

The game with the wheelchair was cute and I'm sure it was difficult maneuvering around to collect your cards.

Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
Here are a few things I spotted and thought to mention. Use what you deem useful and ignore the rest.

No spelling errors were noted.

On my special day I was usually accorded my favorite meal...

'On my special day should' be followed by a comma because it is an introductory phrase.

Reminding me that a bad day of golf beats a good day at work, Paul convinced me I needed some fun time. I agreed to meet Saturday morning.

Consider this: Paul reminded me that a bad day golfing is better than a good day at work and needed some fun, so we agreed to meet on Saturday morning.

Or, so I thought.
The comma here is not needed.

I was not tired walking to the door.
I was not tired of walking as I approached the door.

Closing Comments:

A lovely story and I appreciate you sharing this special memory with your readers.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

23

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4735570

Review of Empty Picture Frame

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

Hello CathrinStuart

,

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:

You grabbed me was the title, quickly followed by the description line; which you used to reel me in further.

This is a deeply emotional poem and the heartbreak is palpable. It feels biographical, if so, I am sorry for the loss/breakup.

Form, Format, Rhyme, and Meter (as applicable):

I noticed a rhyme scheme here and I must commend you on that. It's difficult for me to write with deep emotion if I have to think about rhyming - so good job.

Here's a site I sometimes use to help me find rhymes: Rhyme Zone

.

Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
In this section, I list areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing; such as punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

I did not see any spelling errors - great job.

I noticed the only comma you used was in the last line. The rest of the poem could benefit from punctuation to ease reading as they create breaks.

Closing Comments:

This is a solid piece that can only be enhanced with minor editing. I enjoyed reading this!

Thank you for posting this piece on the newsfeed because I might have missed it otherwise. Keep writing and sharing!

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

24

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4734157

Review of And I Did It.

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hello The Sun SmilesOn Small Valley ,

In celebration of your WdC Anniversary, I am here to read and review! The folder labeled "55-word stories" caught my eye and piqued my attention. It's not easy to write a complete scene/story in only 55 words!

Just like the title of this story, you did it!!!

This story is especially relatable since I live in Florida and mosquitoes are quite a pest. The manner in which you wrote this made it so easy to 'see' the scene in my mind. Probably because I've executed the same moves that you described, lol.

Suggestions:

Everything looks great and I have no suggestions to offer.

Closing Comments:

After reading this quick tale that made me laugh, I look forward to reading more of your work!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

25

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4734155

Review of Homecoming

Review by Lilli is QUILLING!

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

Hello Jeff !

In celebration of your WdC Anniversary, I am popping in to do a review. I clicked on your folder for 2024 writings and the title of this piece grabbed my attention. Who doesn't love a good homecoming story, right?

Oh, and then I read the description line and wondered how things would fall into place.

I think the major parts of this story are relatable to many people. Especially as young adults, we see a friend in a relationship with someone who becomes a part of the inner circle and we may wish it was us in that romance. Just as the prompt stated, there is an unspoken code.

Suggestions:

I didn't closely look at grammar or mechanics and nothing caught my eye either, so I comments more than suggestions, really.

Drew didn't give a second thought to the ramifications of his actions. He was entirely focused on Kat's availability and the fact they were home alone. Fifteen years is a long time to wait to be with your 'crush', so Drew was sure not to waste another moment.

How Sam will react to the news of Drew and Kat hooking up (and becoming a couple) is the only thing I am left wondering. Based on the distance he moved from his daughter, and only seeing her one weekend a month, he probably won't care.

Closing Comments:

Anyway, I enjoyed this quick read and you did a great job overall. A little steamy, but tasteful. Well done!

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .