It is an interesting story, but the presentation is confusing. The opening paragraphs are narration, and then you switch to first-person, with a little bit of Matt's voice thrown in.
One of the most difficult things in writing is determining who is telling the story and then sticking with that person or narrator.
The first two paragraphs are too long. I almost did not read the story. The idea of someone borrowing a body is interesting, and I can see how it could be expanded. I could even see how you could make a series out of it. Each body she borrows could make a chapter. You would be able to develop both Julie and her boyfriend/husband.
I would not mind reading some in the future.
The ending was not what I expected.
Good story and well written.
I liked it.
You might consider shortening the paragraphs. It would read faster.
One suggestion might be to separate the last sentence of each paragraph to add emphasis.
I would start the story with the second paragraph and then explain why Ray thought something was wrong.
In the end, you need to demonstrate Mom's happiness more than just say she is happier.
Your basic Idea for fanfiction is good.
This is a poem about honesty and hypocrisy. We see what we expect to see. Each of us has a lens through which we see the world. Your poem is an unusual way to say that.
Death is always tragic. But funerals are usually fun, as people share happy memories. This was told in a way that made me think it might have actually happened.
I did have trouble following the story at the beginning. I was not sure who was telling the story. Four daughters then five daughters etc. I had to go back and read the beginning. I was able to get it after the second reading.
Your descriptions are excellent. Storms are always a bit frightening.
It reminded me of a hurricane I experienced as a child. My father woke me up in the middle of the storm to go outside. The sky was black and the stars sparkled brightly. The night was completely calm. No sound.
Then my father noticed a slight wind in the trees and told us to quickly go back in. The other half of the hurricane shortly hit in all its fury.
Your poem reminded me of that night.
Good essay. You make an excellent point. Learning has become more available because of the internet and AI chat bots. Personally I am enjoying many courses available on utube. There is so much knowledge available,we just need to want to learn. WTH AI we can learn at our own pace.
Interesting article. We Americans need to remember our heritage and our freedom which was won by so much sacrifice.
Your story brought my emotions to the forefront. That is a sign of a good essay.
The information about retiring the flag was also helpful.
The opening sentence was puzzling. It would have been clearer if you had said DEAD body.
The paragraphs were too long. Stories with long paragraphs are harder to read.
Your characterization of the detective was interesting. He constantly complained about the high brow life style, when he was just as snooty in his way.
An interesting story.
Too much irrelevant information in the beginning. No need to know it was a catholic school etc.
The dialog is also irrelevant. No need to say “hello” etc.
The end was good but the beginning was slow. You can lose your reader too easily.
Interesting wording. By the picture I believe you are talking about building. But your poem could be applied to organized religion in general. A sad commentary at
Well written poem.
Short but with a good message. We all must remember to seize the day. Too often we take the lazy way and just go with the flow,follow the crowd. When it is really up to us to make things happen.
The story was well written. It kept my interest. The story moved along quickly.
I wondered why you did not end it with who or what was at the door.
I thought it might be her husband who had forgot his keys.
However I guess your ending makes the story more spooky.
Very informative, and written in language I could understand. I am amazed at the advancements in AI. You helped me understand some of what these advancements are.
An interesting twist on an old story.I enjoyed the tale. Especially the ending.
Jimmy’s questions at the beginning sounded like something a child might ask.
I too enjoy spending time in reflection. Your words resonated with me.
The purpose of poetry is to bring about a specific emotion.
As I read your poem, I felt the peace I get when pondering the questions of life.
Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed the words and thoughts of your poem.
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