I like it! Good dialog, enough description without too much detail (I would have added the smell of the books, but I just love the smell of books :)). The grad student was also a nice touch. Having an observer POV always seems to make a scene more real. I look forward to reading more!
I was 17 the first time I sat and watched the 21 steps. Even after more than 40 years and a career in the military, I still come back to the tomb of the unknowns when I need to remind myself of the deeds that matter in our world. 24/7/365 they walk the 21 steps never leaving our heroes unguarded. Well done.
Excellent work! Short poems are difficult and short poems with a true message are rare! Although many remember our troops, few understand the bond between a soldier and their non-human partners. You clearly understand and framed the emotion perfectly!
Your imagery is excellent. My father-in-law was a medic in Korea and told me of the Battle of Chosin Reservoir. Your words snapped me back to those few stories told shortly before he died. Many do not like war poetry or prose because it is often uncomfortable, but words and images like these are needed so that the protected understand the horror of war. BZ (well done).
This is a great story. All too often we marvel at those who make the news and forget those who did just as much without recognition. As you note, even that old yellow Stearman from N.A.S. Minneapolis would have never survived had it not been flown by a future president. Some of us read history and some of us make history; your father was clearly one of the makers. Thank you for reminding us of the rest of the story.
Thanks for a very helpful guide. I will use this to standardize my reviews starting with this one! This guide is very complete and addresses several situations reviewers may encounter. It also speaks to the reviewer mindset Vs. the reader mindset. Two things that detracted from this work were periods and commas placed outside of quotes and the use of quotes to add emphasis where italics or underlines would be more appropriate. Great stuff and a valuable addition to the community!
Nicely done! I like both your story and your style. your descriptions are also just right; enough to set the scene and give the reader sensory inputs without over describing. I also like the way you balance narrative with dialog. This has the makings of a good children's book as it has both story and a lesson.
Excellent writing! I seldom see this level of talent for dialog, not to mention an engaging story. I hope you continue with this as it has the potential to be an exceptional and engaging story with a number of possibilities for plot twists. Well done!
A very enjoyable and well written story. I was a bit disappointed not to find out what the deal was with the grave digger's strange routine. I also missed the joke (The local joke was that Mickey never left anyone down and today was no exception). Overall, a good story well told.
This is a very interesting and thoughtful use of words with visual impact. I found myself reading it through and then going back and reading all the fist lines, then all the second lines, etc. Questions, self doubt, confusion, a desire to understand. A unique form of expression that I have not previously encountered. Refreshing and engaging. I'd like to see more.
Smells have the ability to transport us and you use that well. You also skillfully incorporate opposing sensations (warm memories/freezing floor) to wake us to the environment as we wake to the morning being described. Nicely done.
Although I respect all religions, please keep in mind that your god is not the only god and your god's rules are not the only rules. In fact, adherents the Christian Bible are in the minority on this planet. You are entitled to your opinion, but that opinion does not equal spiritual authority.
This short snippet was fun and unusual. You have a better than average grasp of dialogue but could still edit down the exchange to improve the flow. Small edits like changing "Sebastian, the lab assistant, was peering into the maze, waiting to watch and take notes once the rats began their run." to "Sebastian, the lab assistant, was peering into the maze, waiting to take notes once the rats began their run." will pay large dividends. Well done!
You captured a feeling that I have had but have not been unable to put to words. The hill...the fire...the stars, yes, I've been there. Very well done!
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