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Public Reviews
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Review by Griffin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I never knew there were soo many rules in writing :O I will be reading this again to try and absorb it all. I can't really say on what you could improve on - expect of course on the last bit of the commas. You could add a very important bit, which is when writing you sould 'show, not tell' your reader. - I'd like to read that because I, as like many writers have trouble understanding how to go about it - maybe you should change this to a grammer read and make a new section on writing? and then maybe poetry - never actually done poetry - its really hard finding the right words. Anyway GREAT article on writing advice and I hope to see more in the future. 5/5
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Review of Blake Ordeal  Open in new Window.
Review by Griffin Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good piece of writing. I think the best bit was the last paragraph and I thought the conversation between the two was very realisic.

I think you could have defined the anger more - as it seems just a little washed over with words. "he found the destractive emotion as well" sounds as though he was looking for it - should make it so that he should be surprised to find it. Also I think you could have made the journey through the hospital a little more stomach churning - I don't think the reader really cares about where the room is or how the hospital is layed out - they want to know the emotions of the boy and how he's struggling with them. They are mainly focused on the boy and how he's acting. They should be thinking - is he going to get to the room or is he going to faint or chicken out or have a mental breakdown - thats what keeps the reader hooked.

= this is my opinion so don't change Anything if you don't want to. Other than that I thought it was very good (good tactic of not showing his father at the end :) It leaves the reader thinking - how bad is it? Or will he cope? Very good - 4.5
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