Overall, a riveting reoccurring nightmare, which reflects why we relive terrors and take bliss for granted.
The blood "glistens" keeps the memory fresh, and only many positive experiences will allow this fear to be put in a box, high in the closet of the past.
Well done.
The visuals are strong, and the pace is quick. The ideas of insemination and fertilization indicate hope and rebirth, which may occur in further stanzas.
Possibly the 6th and 12th lines could be tighter:
6th=Deprivation, hallucination
12th=Desolation, revelation
and then adding an 18th line to maintain form;
18th=Isolation, frustration.
Overall, this is heartfelt journey of accomplishment. May all parents realize the need to nurture the young angels placed in their temporary care.
The positive outcome is welcome--with all the negative news and downturn dogma, the fact that a phoenix can emerge and express thoughts clearly is inspiring.
What an interesting glimpse into the reflection on youthful independence. Hair and music define us, and are sure to change with the passages we complete.
This is a free verse that is quite entertaining, and physical shape of the poem embodies the idea.
Overall, an insightful analysis of our materialistic holidays. The way people feel when together is what matters, and "call it sweet, you make me complete," says it all.
Everyone thrives on attention, so Valentine's Day is made special by making your favorite person Feel Special.
Overall, this is a riveting out-of-body, stream-of-consciousness read, both scary and reassuring. It must have happened to the author, as the details are vivid and convincing.
In the last line, I don't exactly understand the meaning, "owners of those houses when they came..." Could there be more closure with, "came home." or "walked out their front doors for the mail."
Overall, this poem paints the reveries of well-spent times past. Flowers and trees, gardens and hills, all remind us of youthful bliss.
The points of "trying to show my daughter" and the "bulldozers came and beat, bladed, and shaped" are quite vivid. Maybe a punctuation after "Where the blue trailer is---" just to let the reader pause and ponder.
Overall, this is a creative mindgame describing Monday blues. Upon the second reading, I think that I had guessed all of the rhymes, and found the exercise therapeutic.
Now, can you address the economy, in-laws, climate change and world peace?
Overall, the cookie quest is an interesting allegory. The pursuit and acquisition are well detailed. As a dedicated cookiephile, I was first enticed by the title, and enjoyed the parallels drawn in this short story.
Consistent, reliable, and tasty---like a good cookie!
Overall, this sensitive poem reflects the damage that lying inflicts on a relationship. The lines, "you are just like me, that is what I see," further explains the dilemma. Use of capitals in the first lines, but lower case beginnings in the latter lines mirrors the fatigue of the battle.
In the first stanza, I believe that "over and over again" would be strengthened with "you bring me to my end" as the past has been painful, and there may be no future. Also, last couplet, with dashes,"our love grow---and have no more sorrow" allows the reader to pause and think.
Overall, this is a strong poem of the paradox of wanting love, yet the defensive wall of exclusion protecting a vulnerable soul from possible pain. We all wonder, "is this TheOne, or am I inlovewithlove, and will just be hurt."
Only in line 3, you could exchange "were" for was, as love and commitment =plural. Only if you run them together can "was" work. Also, maybe in line 10, instead of "conquer" possibly "enter" would convey the message.
The final line epitomizes a breakup=it hurts. Well-done.
The discovery method of this poem is quite effective--there are so many problems that produce frustration and angst. The commonality of having a high IQ, and yet excelling in verbal, rather than quantitative matters, resonates with most of us, particularly writers.
Educators extol the pure form of mathematical execution, but truly, the tech advances make the misery of some subjects like algebra, or even fractions, quite outdated.
The overall message is strong in this heartfelt poem. The phrase, "will I be eaten by my fears," is quite powerful, and epitomizes the need to believe in love as a reality. The request to "trust your instincts" embodies the reality of love, as only you know when it is real, and when you are only "in love with love."
The lack of punctuation propelled me to the end with the first reading. Maybe that is the intention, but I enjoyed it more the second time, when I could pause and feel the message.
Thank you for a heartfelt visit with your Grandmother.
I felt like I had an ephemeral moment with my dear Grandmother upon reading it. The memories that you evoked are universal, for those of us who are truly fortunate to have known a grandparent.
For me, her messages still remind me of kindness and joy. I sometimes feel that she is just around the corner, just in the garden, as she remains close, no matter how many heartbeats away.
This is the guidance that I needed in order to convey a helpful review.
Having evaluated many submissions in the educational world, it is a joy to read spontaneous work that reflects the talent of the current writers.
The objective of offering an overall reaction, what sentiments are stirred, and suggestions for corrections or "flow" are what I enjoy, so that is how I will evaluate the works I read.
How true that as Convenient Converts, religion can be employed to assuage all wounds. The truth is mortals have FreeWill, and have exercised it in the full pursuit of economic achievement, at any price. "Good" men have sold their souls for the filthy lucre that greed begets, and that excessive consumption has brought them, and the world, to a new level of humility.
Truly we have "woeful pride and sickening vanity."
The pain is real, and the repetition of No take backs, But no regrets resonates.
In stanza 6, possibly 'I'm trying to move on
Pretending it never happened?
Working it through?
Running away, forever at war ?
It's up to you......
helps the length be similar and the flow to remain tenuous.
This addresses many remorseful misgivings, which strikes a universality.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lexicon
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 2:05am on Nov 25, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
