This was touching - it's nice to see the topic approached in, what is to me at least, the most sensible way: through viewing it as something involving real, individual people. Too often people couch their discussions of this in statistics etc. I genuinely feel as though more discussions like yours would help.
This was interesting, with a sound enough blend of general information and anecdotal flavour - I enjoyed reading it. I do kind of disagree with your conclusion though; it doesn't really have any bearing on one's ability to learn a new language. The spelling patterns, word-patterns and sentence construction are all familiar to you - it was basically an extensive vocabulary course. Not quite the same as learning a new language, to be frank. Nevertheless, good piece.
That's pretty cool - a fairly comprehensive, self-contained little universe. The ending was quite shocking, but as tastefully done as it could have been, I think. I am relatively confused about the time-period of this piece and why the humans would be 'riding' but other than that I enjoyed this.
This is cool, and the actual thought and sentiment behind it is interesting and admirable. I'm not sure how well the mechanics of your poetry work, though. There is not really any evidence you've thought about scansion. It seems more as though you've just rigidly stuck with a rhymescheme at the abandonment of pretty much all other concerns.
For instance:
'That records communication' is a line with far too many feet/beats in it compared to the rest of the poem. Is there a reason for this? If not, perhap you need to rethink your metre.
I like this - I think the enjambment reflects the ideas of things evaporating, and blending through subtle barriers. I do have a question though: what is an ice cycle? Do you mean an icicle? Also, 'atom thin particles' just seems like a strange phrase. What does it actually mean? Other than those two issues, I liked this.
I very much like the bit about the seconds defining victory being the very same as the seconds defining defeat - a much overlooked fact I fear!
A second is not bound,
to a wish a man dreams.
The phrasing of that seems a little awkward. It just doesn't seem like something anybody would ever say, whereas the rest of it does. Only pointing it out as it's the only line that jarred when I read it - perhaps may be worth considering revising if you agree?
This is good and has a nice little message to it. You have captured the reality of school life quite well, even if the ending is a little bit saccharine! One issue you do have stylistically is with dialogue: you should begin a new line every time the speaker changes! Sort that out and it'd be much more likely to get favourable reviews.
This reads quite poorly - lots of it seems like it was rushed. For example 'Do you fill and pain?' when you mean 'feel' is just one example of the wrong word being selected, and there are other numerous examples of when your sentence construction or control over punctuation is a bit off. I'd really recommend giving this a thorough edit for spelling, punctuation and grammar and then perhaps I could review it a little more constructively! Sorry.
This is well crafted; a decent blend of being strictly informative, and yet anecdotal enough to give it the 'personal touch'.
On a stylistic point, it's incorrect to say:
'...my grandfather took my family and I out to dinner...'
and one should instead write:
'...my grandfather took my family and me out to dinner...'
It's annoying that people so regularly correct it to 'my family and I' because that sticks in people's minds. It's only the order they're correcting - it's considered rude to put yourself first. Grammatically, you can determine whether it's I or me by imagining that it was only you involved. Would you say 'my grandfather took I out to dinner'?
Just being pedantic though. I enjoyed reading that - thanks! It was something I knew very little about.
Hi - going to be honest; I really struggled to get into this piece. The opening seemed very logistical and left me with no sense of urgency to continue reading. I persisted, and things did improve, but then I got to these two lines:
'Staring hard at him, I slipped into the cold kitchen. In this kitchen I remembered sitting at the kitchen table.'
Kitchen kitchen kitchen! It's a shame, as your writing style isn't all that bad, but it really does seem as though you haven't reread any of it to see how it flows, feels, or sounds. Hope this isn't too hypercritical!
I like this, and it's a fun enough tale for children. You do have a big tendency to start your sentences with conjunctions, though.
'Like, when your mom is fixing your favorite dinner. And, you can smell it from your room.'
I'm not particularly against using connecting conjunctions at the start of sentences when it's done for effect, but your usage of it seems a little more random.
'But, there are no towels. Because, he only likes socks.'
What's worse is using 'because' like that - it's a subordinating conjunction and as such needs to be in a sentence with a clause and a subordinate clause. Yours does not.
I'm only being critical here because if this is explicitly aimed at children, it's best to avoid modelling things which could get them into 'trouble' when they grow up into English students! Hope this makes sense and that you don't think I'm just being pedantic.
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