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Review of Dear Angela  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi David,

Wow! That was a very interesting and comical take on the picture that inspired the story. Almost a sadistic kind of hilarity. I like the idea of the piece being an email, it adds personality and uniqueness to the piece and also makes it very current. I love the last few sentences when Charley says how he is tired and dirty from "working" all night. Very twisted and funny!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Meg,

This is a very lovely poem to read, because it has wonderful flow; it just dances right off of the tongue. The rhyme, the puncuation, and the words all help to create this very smooth read. There are a few words that were awkward for me, but for choice and not for rhyme or flow. In line 3 it should be "lie" not "lay"--those two are always easy to mix up. The two others that stood out for me were "tan" and "lump." They don't seem to fit in with the overall feel of the poem, I suppose they seem a bit forced. But overall, this poem is indeed a dream to read! Keep up the awesome work.

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of A Magic Lamp  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Liam,

This is the second Sonnet I have read today, and they always seem to be very beautifully done! Your use of language is great. I love how the magic of the lamp is used in this poem--it creates something that is natural and yet so magical in its beauty. Life is brought into this poem, from the light to the water to the soil that it permeates.

I like how you played with the ideas surrounding life and birth and dirt, I was reminded of Greek mythology and the birth of the Gods from the mother earth. The most evocative line for me is "And cuts through pregnant soil like a knife." Again, the use of the word pregnant demonstrates the birth of the garden, and plants give us air and therefore life, etc. There is also something dangerous in this line, in putting the word "pregnant" in the same line as "cuts" and "knife." It is a little bit unsettling, but in a way that is good and fitting. Well done!

Thank you for sharing this lovely poem. All the best, Lindsey

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Review of Fireworks  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Kleo,

Wow! This poem creates beautiful imagery. You have written a very lovely Sonnet--your word choice and rhymes work very well and the poem flows smoothly. My favourite line is "And now a garden blossoms in the sky." Very evocative! I love that description. Even though you mention fire in the poem, for me the title seems off. I guess I felt like I was reading more so about flower imagery, so it might be nice to incorporate something about flowers into the title.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem! All the best, Lindsey

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Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Raven,

Yikes!!! This is a scary story, so I guess that means you have done a good job of creating suspense and horror. I am reminded of some classic horror writers such as Poe and King.

I do have some feedback for improvement. You have quite a few spelling and grammatical errors (run-on sentences, comma placement). I would suggest having a good editor take a close look at it to improve those things; it will help your story to look professional and therefore impress your readers.

It might be nice to see this story as a longer piece, so that you can further play up the suspense and evoke more fear in your readers. I think you have shown here that you are skilled at doing so, so why not play it up? That's just my opinion, anyway :)

All the best!...Lindsey

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Review of Pain Again  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

First I have to say that I really love how you have incorporated your roles in the WDC community into this poem! That you use reading, writing, and reviewing as a way to find happiness and get rid of pain is a wonderful positive message and demonstrates your dedication to your hobbies and to the site. Awesome!

I enjoyed the way you twisted little old-fashioned or children's rhymes into the intros for each stranza, it is a really neat idea. I appreciate the overall positive tone of the poem.

One important critique that I have is your use of punctuation, which includes capitalization as well as periods, commas, and etc. My personal feeling is that a keen use of punctuation can increase the flow of a poem, which is therefore considerate of your readers. For example, if I were carrying on one thought from one line to the next, I might end that line with a comma or nothing at all, and I would begin the next line with a lowercase letter.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and may you have many wonderful experiences as a WDC Power Reviewer!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of Ode to…  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I enjoyed this poem, it made me smile! I love the use of humour you use to make the best of the frustrations that every writer deals with from time to time. Actually, I suppose it's ironic that you wrote a very well-done poem about writer's block. One thing I would add are commas in lines one and two after "document," and the use of the word "horrible" in line 6 doesn't seem to fit. I guess I was looking for some unique, comical way to describe writer's block.

All in all I truly enjoyed it!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of I Love Blue  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello,

I really enjoyed this children's poem! It flowed nicely, and it was fun, creative, and just overall well-written. I love your choices for the different "blue" things. Very nice! One tiny thing that doesn't fit for me is the period after "pretty" in the first line of the last stanza. I would just use a comma instead

Thanks for the fun read! All the best, Lindsey

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Review of Crystal Stare  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Eliza,

I was drawn to the poem because I loooove "Mother to Son," and Langston Hughes is just awesome. I like the idea of turning the tables on the original poem; it's great to be inspired by something specific and then just run with it. I think you paid good homage to the poem here, so great job!

One thing I always thought would be interesting is the son's response to his mother. Maybe I am inspired, too!

One thing I was quite confused about is your use of "stares." The proper spelling is "stairs," unless you meant the stares of people. But in line 13, "stares" doesn't seem to work.

Thanks for the awesome read!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of Trees  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

This is a beautiful poem, I love nature poetry, and trees are awesome! It flows very well, your word choice is spot on, and the addition of green text helps to visually represent the poem as well. My one critique is this: I would not start the stanzas with capital letters, since you avoid end puncuation. I would take the period off of the end as well. I think the poem would work well to be simple in that way. If you want to keep the capitals, I think the stanzas might be better suited with question marks at the end. Hope this helps some!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Lana,

It is very gutsy of you to write an essay on such a controversial topic. So, I have to give you kudos on that, because it is something that definitely caught my eye. Because this is an argumentive essay, I am going to argue against your point. Please don't take this is a negative way, because this essay is meant to spark debate, which it does. Also, some things that I point out may help you to strengthen your argument. I am not trying to be too harsh, because you are a students and I happen to be an English teacher.

Would prostitutes be treated with respect if their trade were legalized? I'm not so sure. I think there would be quite an outrage, and the general social norm of disaproving of prostitutes and judging them would in no way stop just because a piece of paper says so. Gay marraige is legalized in many areas, but do all people automatically accept that?

I like how you connected the intro and the closing with little stories that connect to one another, but I think that the first one telling the story of the druggie prostitute may weaken your argument, since you later say that this is a stereotype, despite giving a stereotype in your intro.

All in all, your essay seems to argue more so of ways to stop violence against prostitutes, and the benefits of doing so. I might try to focus your topic more. I do think that your writing style is very clear and professional, and your puncuation is mostly good. I did catch a few mistakes and one run-on sentence, but all in all this was very smooth to read.

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of In My Attic  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

I really enjoyed the unique ideas presented in this poem. The metaphor of the canyon is nicely done; this poem definitely made me think.

One thing that bothered me was the absense of puncuation, both within the lines and at the ends. I usually find that puncuation helps improve the flow of a poem, and while I enjoyed the ideas and impressions in this poem, I had trouble reading it smoothly.

Thank you for the truly original read!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of send me back  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello,

Thanks for the interesting read! Your poem does give off the sense of a person who wants to go back in time. A few questions I would ask of you are why does the speaker want to go back in time spefically? How badly? I may try using some more adjectives and descriptive words to create some emotion. I know you want to go back, but I want to feel you longing or yearning to go back.

Good luck and all the best!......Lindsey

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Review of Morphine Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello,

I really enjoyed your use of alliteration in this poem--in particular lines 5 and 6 are excellent. I also like the way in which you use your puncuation and capitalization, I think it helps to create flow. However, I think you could do a bit more with it to make this poem a little bit smoother. After "gas" in line 2, I would put a semicolon. Also, after "cage" in line 6," you don't need a comma.

There is a little bit of awkwardness in the last two lines, but that is just because you changed the use of puncuation there. I would use a comma after "brothers" and give "All" a lowercase "a."

Thank you for the truly unique read.

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of Today  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Morgan,

I really enjoyed the positivity that this poem offers, I was in a bad mood before and now my spirits feel a little uplifted. The title of the piece perfectly primes the reader for what is to come, and I like where you went with it.

You did a great job with the rhymes, they flow nicely. My favourite lines are "And what seemed like only weeds / Were flowers at my door." This is a great and unique thought, and I love the message that things are only what we make them out to be.

The one suggestion for improvement that I have is to increase the poem's flow by careful use of puncuation, including capitalization. I tend to not like a line to start with a capital if it is continuing the same thought as the line before. For example, "Today I smiled, and all at once, / things didn't look so bad." When I can read it as though it is a sentence, it is smoother. Notice I also included a comma after "once." And in line 3, you don't need the comma after "else."

Very nice work on this, thanks for the lovely read!....Lindsey

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Review of Angels  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Kika,

You have written a very dark, doomsday poem. I like how you put the "sun has been slain." I might put the word "the" before sun. "Night" gets a "the," so it seems like sun should get it as well.

The poem does an effective job at creating ominous imagery, it is very scary indeed. I do have a few critiques. The second line feels a bit abrupt, and is awkwardly worded. Also, one thing that I am a bit confused about is "the God for which you sacrifice yourself." When using a Biblical reference, you have to remember that God/Jesus was the one who made the sacrifice, so for me the line doesn't work.

Aside from that, I think the short format of this poem works well, it frightens and haunts. Great job!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

I reallt enjoyed reading this beautiful poem! The flow of this poem is great, and I love the imagery that you have created. My favourite part, however, is your use of alliteration. "Sweet spring spreads" and "Fetching flowers" just puts a huge smile on my face. You also say that "Spring sings of love," and using alliteration really gives the poem that musical feel to it.

I only noticed one (possible) error. In the last stanza, second line, I think the "its" needs an apostophe because it is a possessive "it."

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of Teach Me 14lines  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

This is a lovely poem that flows very well; I particularly found the rhymes to be subtle, which was very nice.

I do have a few critiques about some grammatical errors. In the second line, I think that "surround" sounds right, not "surrounds." In line 7, "outlook" is just one word, without the space. One thing that I have to comment on as well is your absense of puncuation. I understand, of course, that some people don't like to use any in certain pieces because you may be using it to contribute to the meaning. However, personally I always find that puncuation helps to create flow and give direction to the reader, especially since this poem follows a traditional format and regular, full sentences.

I do think that this poem offers a beautiful sentiment of faith and what it can offer to people. The voice of the speaker is very earnest and pure. Lovely work!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of INFINITE LOVE  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hello,

This is a very haunting little poem, and with quite the surprise ending! I really like the ideas that you have presented, I think that they are very evocative. I also think that this poem needs a little bit of reworking.

I feel as though the first two stanzas serve the same purpose, in that the second repeats the first. I might present a new idea in the second paragraph. As for the fourth and fifth paragraphs, I feel as though they work against each other. Saying that a distance holds the two people apart, and then saying that their souls are forever meshed together doesn't seem to make sense. Basically, I think you have your concepts in mind, but it just needs some reworking and rewording. Additionally, I might make the poem a bit longer to build up tension towards the surprise ending and play with some adjectives and descriptive words to make the emotion in the poem a bit more intense.

Good luck and all the best, Lindsey

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Review of The Universe  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!!

It's so nice to see that you have posted some writing on here now! Congratulations :)
I gave this poem a perfect rating because it is beautiful and unique. I love the format, the language, and the questions which have left lingering thoughts in my mind after reading it. Very lovely job on this wonderful poem.

All the best, Lindsey
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Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Andrew,

This poem made me smile as I was reading it--it's unique and clever. I appreciate that kind of optimitic outlook on otherwise aversive situations. A creative alternative? Why not! I have no critique, becaues the poem is perfect for what it is.

All the best, Lindsey
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Review of Grandma  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Harrison,

This is a wonderful poem, and it is such a beautiful sentiment to write about your grandma. I have a very close relationship with mine as well, so when I saw the title I had to read this! It is very nicely done.

In the 2nd stanza, third line, I think you meant to say "presence" instead of "presents." And in the next stanza, third line, I would put commas after "I" and "child," it just sounds right. And one last thing--in the fourth stanza, the last two lines don't feel quite right. They don't flow well and may be a bit too wordy.

All in all, I loved the poem, thanks for sharing it!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of I write  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Darla,

I have to congratulate you for being brave and posting such a personal piece. I can relate to the feeling of wanting so badly to write something amazing, and admiring the books we see on the shelf, but in the end it sometimes seems like a hidrance, like it's just too intimidating! I had a Prof who told me that writing was an extremely painful process for him, and he is correct on a certain level. It can be very painful! But it can also be very joyful. If you are having trouble, I recommend free-writing or journalling everyday to get your thoughts flowing, and remember...everything we write is just a draft, because there is always room for changes and improvement :) Don't feel like you have to sit down and write something perfect.

Best of luck, and keep writing! You will "get there" yet!

All the best, Lindsey

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Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Andrew,

I really enojoyed reading this poem, it's truly unique and really run to read aloud (it would work well as a dramatic reading, I think). My favourite lines are "the cold slivers of pig crackle and pop and
spit hot hate unapologetically across my arm"--awesome!

One thing I suggest is to ditch all of the periods, since you don't use capilatization, I say just stick with the no-puncuation rule (except a few necessary commas MAYBE) because it works in this piece. One phrase I don't get is the cracked egg being "unimpressed with perfection." If the "sweet yolk spoils the pure white" then what is the perfection?

I love the idea of the bacon scraps being compared to skeletons--I would maybe ditch the cliche "skeletons in my closet" and simply try something that refers to the bacon being skeletons, go for the full metaphor!

Anyway, I hope some of my comments are helpful! Thanks for the awesome read.

All the best, Lindsey

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Review of Simply Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by Lindsey Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Maryann,

This is a very lovely read, and particularly suiting seeing as I had a bit of this kind of weather going on here today. I love your use of language as well as the rhyme and flow of the poem.

Thanks for the beautiful read!

Lindsey
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