There's something lyrical about your poem. Reading it I could almost hear the tune in my head. The repetition of the phrase 'some place in blue' is what gives it that lyrical feel. Good job!
This is a very deep and emotional poem. The first thing I noticed was the way you switched point of view. At first I had to read it a couple of times before I got it. It's a unique and creative way of switching point of views in a poem. Beautiful, cleverly chosen words and well written. Leaves me wondering though why he had no courage to bring his Dad home and why he was homeless to start with. Thanks for a pleasant read.
Oh dear me, this was so funny and such a fun fun read. I loved the dialogue, so realistic and the kind you'll probably get in a classic comedy/sitcom.
One suggestion I have is to space the dialogue so that it's easy to read and watch out for a couple of typos here and there. Other than that, I loved it especially the ending. I didn't see that coming but it definitely was a miracle. Great job!
Wow! This is outstanding. I really like it. You captured what a lot of writers experience every once in a while. Reminds me of Coleridge's Kublai Khan, a poem he wrote after he woke up from a dream. He claimed the words of the poem were given to him in the dream but he only wrote what he could remember.
But what I really like about your poem is animating it and liking them to a dance. That is creative. And the last line left me with a smile. Good job!
Thanks again for visiting my port and for your kind review.
What a beautiful beautiful story. I shed a tear or two reading this. Choked full of emotions. Wow! Thank God for neighbors like these and a good community of friends. Judging from the date, it was in the 40s. Makes me wonder if we still have such communal love these days. Indeed it was a wonderful Christmas present any family could pray for. Thanks for sharing this.
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