At the bottom is a review of your poetry. But, it was a very thought-provoking poem. Your subject matter is pretty intense and it got me thinking.
So, these are my own personal thoughts on the content of your poem. Please don't take anything offensively -- that is definitely not my intention. Feel free to ignore this bit, if you'd like (you could just skip to the bottom -- I wouldn't mind). Or respond if you feel like it, I could use a good poetry discussion! :
The 75gp reward is confusing, because I just assumed you wouldn't want any reviews from the message of the poem.
I'm very put off by the content. I feel like you must have encountered some terrible reviewers. I know there are many reviewers who do act like your poem has described, but I think your poem is too generalized. I see many reviews simply trying to be helpful and promote literary growth. I, personally, love blunt, to-the-point criticisms. Sugar-coating and "sadism" are what I see as the extremes. There is a wonderful and helpful area in between.
So, I guess I really wish the the title was more specific to the kind of reviewers you dislike, rather than all of them in general. Sorry if it seems like I'm ranting. I just wanted you to know that the title seems awkward at the least, possibly even offensive. Though, that may have been your intention. I do see the value of such a pointed and heated title. But, personally, I'm not a big fan of it.
Also, I like to make a distinction between cathartic poetry (bearing your soul as a form of relief) and poetry meant to be shared in any way. (Referring to "How can you really judge another one's art / When we open up our soul / To expose our heart "). When someone writes to relieve stress or get out emotions, it becomes incredibly personal and it is very hard to detach from the piece and view it objectively. I read an article about an innocent man on death row who wrote poetry. He summed this kind of poetry up beautifully:
"When Gilbert once suggested some possible revisions to his poems, he explained that he wrote them simply as expressions, however crude, of his feelings. 'So to me to cut them up and try to improve on them just for creative-writing purposes would be to destroy what I was doing to start with,' he said."
But, once the writer decides they want to reach others with their poetry, a whole new realm opens up. Suggestions regarding imagery, diction, grammar, rhythm, rhyme, etc., etc. are an attempt to enhance the communication between reader and writer -- so that they can genuinely experience the emotions you want them to and they leave the poem understanding the meaning that the writer wanted to get across. (Of course, not all reviewers think of their criticisms this way. Some are rather obtuse, preferring to think of one way as the "right" way. This is my own personal reviewing philosophy.) Definitely picking at the nuances of a cathartic and personal poem could be difficult to deal with. So what I do is I ask myself, "Is this poem for me, or others?" If it's for me, I don't share it (I've slipped up here before and revealed something too personal -- criticism can be harsh if you're not prepared for it). If it's for others, I let reviewers tear it apart after I've become sufficiently detached -- because I want to improve that communication with any readers.
-End random thoughts-
Now for the poem itself:
I like the food imagery. The "turkey" bit made me think of Thanksgiving, which was ironic and a nice bit of contrast. It all helped me picture sharp-toothed, evil reviewers digging into some poor writer's flesh.
The capitalization and punctuation bother me some. The capitalization seems sporadic. I'm not necessarily opposed to sporadic capitalization, but I prefer it to add something to the poem. Traditional grammar/punctuation in a poem lends a lot to readability -- which is good enough for most poems. Experimenting and playing with grammar/punctuation is great, just have a reason for it. For example, something when I write about rather depressing things from first person, I don't capitalize the letter "I" because I think it sends a message about self-doubt and self-deprecation. As a reader, I didn't see much justifications for the lines you did/didn't capitalize.
The same goes for the punctuation. I love to experiment with punctuation. :) While the lack of punctuation enhanced the flow of the poem and made the one period at the end seem very final, I think some other punctuation could strengthen your meaning. This doesn't mean commas all over the place or sticking something on the of each line. But don't forget that writers have a lot of punctuation tools to use. Dashes can make breaks slightly long, adding emphasis to the next line, as well as carrying over a previous thought. I'm a big fan of colons because they let me twist traditional sentence structures, avoid fragments, and leave more room for imagery description. Etc.
You're diction, though, seemed wonderfully pointed to me. I could really feel the power behind your words. :)
All my thoughts. Take them or leave them as you see fit. :) (Sorry this is so long). |
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