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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/la_bruja
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Review by La_Bruja Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I understand the idea and the story which you are driving to get across; however I am not feeling your emotions. The feeling which I get from you, the author, is that of someone who has gotten the inspiration from one of the headlines. I think that you can be more descriptive in your detail. Where was she/he found? What of the location? Is it a dirty alley, a dark abandoned house? If you can put us in the mind of this innocent, let your reader feel it as if the victim was one of their own You have already gained the reader’s sympathy for the child from the beginning just in the subject matter alone, now delve in to it further and by doing so will bring more life to the death of the victim.
All in all, I feel that this is a good beginning to what could be an excellent homage to a victim.
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