-Like the fact that the lines are the same and the next has new meaning.
-It flowed well
- Just seems like the rhyming decided your wording..
good poem!
-I like the fact that it rhymed without the rhyme completely concuming the poem.
-Really good job of letting emotion shine through without being "mushy"
- The one thing i didn't like is that the poem flowed throughout and then at the end the wording threw me.
overall great poem
good luck with your writing :)
-elle.
The poem shows how one can have everything and have absolutely nothing at the same time. She obviously can get whatever she wants bought for her but she needs people and their sincere love,.
- She seem like a cold person and stuck up but really wants someone to be brave enough to approach her.
-I like the way the lines all begin the same way but I don't really like the rhyming. Rhyming made me think you were held back.
*Love is like a motion, the movement of swings. : the movement of swings felt pushed to be there to rhyme.
Love is like a circle, a continuous cycle : a continous cycle totally makes sense!
So you cannot rip it out again –: The heart has been hurt before.
My heart withstood grimace
It stood strong against mistrust
But it finally fell limp with your brutality –: The heart (person) stayed in the relationship and dealt with the pain and hurt as long as possible but the other person finally broke it down.
I buried my heart deep
Because your reach was long – : My favorite part because I felt that "your reach was long" made me feel just how powerful the person that brought the pain was in the situation and the control he/she had was great.
The stucture of the poem was a bit choppy to me maybe could have been changed. A lot of emotion came through and as a reader I could feel the pain. The poem was easy to follow yet left me wanting to go on to the next line.. The poem had an end to it and did not leave me hanging.. The person died after trying to stay in the relationship for so long.
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