| I like the premise of this poem, but what really made it difficult to read was the poor grammar throughout the piece. The wording of second line of the first stanza doesn't make much to me, I'm not sure if this is just worded strangely or there's supposed to be a comma between the words "hide" and "they". In the first line of the second stanza, I believe that there should be a comma between the words "fantasy" and "life", and on the line after that, the comma is placed incorrectly, and should be moved from "matter" and "what" to in between "fancy" and "read". In addition to that, in the third line of the second stanza, the word "Horror" doesn't need to be capitalized, and you should really have the conjunction "and" between "horror" and "can", and don't hold me to this, but I don't think a comma is needed there. This is also the case on the line after that one, where you should put the conjunction "and" between the words "love" and "put". In the first line of the third stanza, the grammar pattern continues, and there should be a comma added between the words "preference" and "their". Another comment I have on this particular line is that, in my opinion, you shouldn't just leave it as "their writing should tell". Their writing should tell what? I know that poems are a little bit more flexible about runoffs and fractured sentences, but this doesn't even continue on the next line, which to me, doesn't make any sense. Then on the third line of the third stanza, there should a comma placed between "chance" and "no". In the first line of the fourth stanza, the word "author's" doesn't need an apostrophe because it's not a possessive, and on the line after that, the word "Rookies" doesn't need to be capitalized. Then on the last two lines of the fourth stanza, the commas are placed incorrectly, as in the third line, neither the wording or the comma placement makes much sense, and then on the last line, the comma should be moved from "fiction" and "or" to between "non-fiction" and "it". I know this is a lot of nitpicking, and I don't want to seem like an expert, because there might be mistakes of my own in this very review, but I hope this helps you at least a little bit. |
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