Grawolph,
Whether this is based on a true store or fiction, the sentiment is good. I believe you could benefit from learning how to tighten your sentences. Let me give you an example from your first paragraph.
There are moments in life that stand still in memory. Our family’s summer camping trip of fishing and swimming in the clear mountain lake was my dream vacation. Dad rented an old cabin complete with creaky floorboards and gapped slats on the walls. While Mom and Dad slept in one bedroom, my younger twin brothers and I slept in the other one, pretending it was a tent . Our imaginations wandered into the forest among the bears and wolves as we slept under the sheets strung between the beds.
If you go back and make some changes this could be a real good story.
Good luck,
Karen
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