Greetings Prosperous Snow,
First, I would like thank you for submitting to our contest; we hope that you check up on us weekly, as we have new prompts every week!
Now then, on to the actual review..
The poem is nice and quaint. The way that each stanza unfolds from the object--the light--projects nice form and imagery. It establishes a center from which the rest of each stanza will branch out and expand. Furthermore, though the light remains key throughout the three stanzas, the focus gradually shifts and moves forward. At first, the cavern is obscured in "somber night", but that changes when a "white-hot flame" emerges in human form and comforts the acolyte, who in return reveres it. Without a doubt, your structure is solid. Being a bit nit-picky, however, I do believe that the first line in the first stanza should not have "the" before "light". I get that it throws the syllables off a bit, but I am sure you can manipulate some word(s) to compensate. The reason I desire this change is to retain the sound that the following two stanzas possess. In both examples, the light is addressed thusly : "Rising from the heart of light" and "Before the altar of light", which leaves the first stanza as the odd man out.
Though your structure and sound are well established, I feel that your power and your emotions are lacking. What I mean by this is the words are there, the descriptiveness is there, but behind all that fluff, the core is really small and not that enticing. It is like eating a peanut butter cup without that much peanut butter. All you get is the dark and hunky chocolate, and none of the smooth and rich peanut butter--not that the chocolate is bad, but having both in moderation to compliment each other is where it's at. That being said, I really feel like all you did was capture the image and not the thoughts, the emotions running through the scene, which is, sadly, that which I am searching. Thus, in terms of the prompt, I give a 2 for structure, sound, and style. In terms of an actual rating, I'd give it a 3 (which I will give).
So, all in all:
Personal contest rating : 2
Personal review rating : 3
Regards,
Kruzwei |