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Review by Krissy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Wolf-Man Author IconMail Icon

Here are the passive verbs for this chapter. I hope pointing out these small things will help improve your writing, and increase your ratings. Hope to see you around The Realm soon.

Your friend in writing,
Krissy




Most people will experience a fair amount of sadness in their lives. This is also true of the werewolf. Unfortunately for the werewolf their emotions are always much more pronounced than that of humans. For example; say a favorite pet of yours dies, something you cared very much for. In a human this will bring about an intense sadness for a few days and it will then extend into weeks of heartache and gradually dull over time. The same circumstances for a werewolf will bring about extreme depression, but for a much shorter amount of time. The capabilities for extended periods of mourning just aren’t there. The intensity of emotions is amplified in the extreme but the period of time over which they extend is much shorter. It’s almost as if their emotions are compressed into much smaller albeit more powerful packages. The one exception to this is extreme anger or feelings of betrayal. These will smolder for centuries, and when they erupt through to the surface can be even more potent because of it.

And so as Dagur walked into the sacred caves he was distraught with the realization that they were gone and that there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. The aching of the chest during extreme sadness is not confined to humans. Dagur was now experiencing something more akin to a multitude of razorblades spinning through his heart. The rest of the clan had taken care of the bodies of his family. Their bones had been scraped clean and etched with glyphs, representing their deeds or characteristics. They were now ready to be placed in the Myrkri cavern along with the bones of their ancestors.

He passed many of the other clan members, people he had known nearly all of his life. None offered a touch or word to console him. It was not their way. They all knew that they could do nothing to help relieve his suffering and pain. The best they could do was give his family a proper rite and sing the dirges with him into the night, each taking their turn singing the songs to guide his family to Forfeðra Friður, the land of their ancestors.

As Dagur finally reached the Myrkri cavern he glanced at the walls, at the neat niches, each containing an ordered pattern of bones with the skull and jaw placed in the front. Most were the shape of hybrid werewolves but there were human and wolf skulls among them. All of the bones were etched with black glyphs that stood out against the bleached white of the bones. And there to the front, not in niches on the wall but lain out upon an altar were the bones of his family. The torches at the sides of the altar flickered over the bones and the dark green stone of the cave itself. Radiating out from in front of the altar, like spokes on a wheel, were several pairs of grooves worn smoothly into the floor of the cave. It was to the centermost of these that Dagur came to and knelt in, his legs fitting easily into the polished lines. As he knelt there, his head downcast with tears making silvery trails through his fur, for what must have been a few hours but felt like an eternity within itself, he felt the rest of the clan members filter into the cavern. He didn’t know how, nor did the rest of the clan, but when the last drop of sun had sank below the horizon he felt its absence and began to sing. As he emitted the first long, wavering, wail-like howl the clan followed him in song. They drifted back and forth sometimes singing the dirges in the old tongue, sometimes simply howling their sadness to the world. After an hour of this the torches guttered and went dark. Then the cave truly became a wonder to behold. Every one of the bones in the cave shone, their glyphs giving forth a brilliant green shine. This light reflected off the surface of the stone and created a scene altogether beautiful and mysterious at the same time. Outside of the cave it was an even more beautiful, if eerie sight. The lovely green glow leaked out of the cave’s entrance while the clan’s music resonated and intensified inside eventually flowing forth from the faintly glowing chasm, and out into the night like a river of sound that, in those who knew what it meant, inspired a deep sense of sadness, but at the same time one of wonder and beauty. To the ears of the humans in neighboring villages and towns the sound caused only anxiety and fear, the fear not of the unknown but of something so terrible that even though all knew its source not one would dare whisper its name.

As the howling went on into the night its power waned. Those that had known the Myrkri family the least gradually left to return to other activities, while closer friends of the family stayed on into the night. By dawn few were left. About an hour after sunrise the only one left in the cavern was Dagur himself. He left the cavern three days later, dehydrated and voiceless.
******
He awoke to darkness. After a few moments he had ascertained that he was back in the sleeping quarters of his den. This was strange because he had no memory of making the trip up the hillside from the stream where he had slaked his thirst. He rolled off of his bedding and onto all fours, testing his limbs before standing. He spread out his awareness, a blanket of senses scanning the cave, and what he found was alarming. The soft swish of fur through the air. The scent of another. He was not alone.

What happened next surprised Dagur, as he was expecting hostility. A gruff voice called out from the next room “You awake yet?” After a momentary surprise Dagur decided to proceed down the tunnel and meet the owner of the voice. He was still cautious but not timid. As Dagur looked around the bend in the tunnel he saw a large, brown-furred back facing him. The creature turned and sighted Dagur “There you are, wondered when you’d wake up”. As Dagur studied the creatures face he found one similar to his own kind in basic shape but different in its proportions. The snout was shorter and thicker, the head wider. The ears were broader and more rounded, but still held a triangular shape. The body itself was more thickset than his own, the muscles larger. This creature was built more for brute strength than the agility and speed that Dagur was used to. The brown fur Dagur had noticed earlier was much coarser than his own and somewhat shaggier in its appearance. The creature’s hands did not possess the long dexterous digits that Dagur’s did. The fingers were shorter and stubbier but he could tell they were very powerful.

Dagur decided that the creature meant him no harm and spoke “what happened?” “Ahh,” the creature remembered “well I found you down at the bottom the hill there, and I thought ‘self he looks like he was trying to make it up that hill there. Now why would he be headed that way if there wasn’t something at the top?’ so I picked ya up and got you up there, saw the mouth of this cave and figured it might do for some shelter, and lo and behold I find a whole dwelling inside. Bed, kitchen, even a furnished pantry. So I laid you in bed till you’d finished your li’l nap and now here ya are.”

Dagur, still trying to shake off a sense of bewilderment, addressed the creature “What are you doing here? I mean we’re in the middle of nowhere.” To this the creature curtly answered “Now I thought that’d be fairly obvious, considering where we are. I’m looking for a Death Dealer of course.” Dagur vaguely wonders why but as he has come to fully awake he realizes that he has still not properly greeted the strange new visitor. “Pardon me sir, you must think me intolerably rude, let me introduce myself. My name is Dagur, and humble as it is, welcome to my home.” “Well thankee for that, it’s nice to see a bit of civility’s still left in the world. M’name’s Gormanjur, but you can call me Gore, ‘sa a bit easier to say for most people.” “And, if I may inquire, why, and more importantly who, are you looking for an Assassin?” “Well now that’s a fair load of questions all wrapped inter one ain’t it? As to the question of why, I thought that should be fairly obvious now, somebody needs to die. For the who now that’s a bit more complicated. Technically A’m here on a sanctioned mission for the clan of Sterkt Ignem, but A’m thinking your meaning something else. The ‘target’, I believe that’s what the higher ups called it, is the Grand ole Emperor of the entire human race.”

As Gore said this Dagur was instantly thrown back into the past, the last few days recurring in less than a few seconds, and as he remembered he snatched out at his emotions trying to find something solid and unwavering to cling to in the violent whirl of feelings. Eventually he found it, and as he clung to that one sensation it became a focal point into which all other emotions flowed, intensifying until all was a solid ebony pillar of anger, engraved wholly with one thought. Vengeance.

When Dagur next spoke it was without the friendly tone he had adopted, and Gore noticed as well that it was entirely without any emotion at all. He took this to mean that Dagur was impartial to the statement he made, and it would have if Dagur had been one of Gore’s own race. But Dagur was of the Varúlfur Lykánthropas, and to one of his race it was known that to betray anger to anyone but for who it is meant is rude, and so his voice carried no hint of anger, and so no hint of any emotion, for at that moment Anger was all that lay inside of him.

“I would be willing to accept the contract.” Gore was slightly puzzled at first, but then with a look of understanding replied “Well now that might solve more’n a few problems, see I already know you, at least a good deal better’n I know anyone else in this neck of the woods. Y’say you’re an assassin?” “Of course, I’m an Andlat aren’t I?” Dagur used the term Andlat instead of Varúlfur Lykánthropas as this was the term his clan was called by most other clans whereas Varúlfur Lykánthropas was used only between members of his own clan or very close friends of the clan, of which there were few. “So? What does that have to do with anything?” Dagur thought for a moment before he replied. “Is a robin a bird?” “Yes.” “Then an Andlat is an assassin, it’s just what we are. Birds were born to fly, we were born to kill. The only difference is that no one exiles robins for flying.” This last statement was given with a slight tense note in Dagur’s voice, not overtly threatening, but enough to get across that he was not pleased with the way his clan had been treated by Gore’s.

Fortunately for both of them Gore was one of the few members of the Sterkt Ignem who had been opposed to the exile of those known to them as the Canis Andlat. This was one of the main reasons he had been selected for this particular assignment to begin with. Gore nodded in understanding of the statement and, thinking it best to let the matter lie, returned to the business at hand. “So you say, you’ll accept the contract. I didn’t know any such thing was required ta hire an Andlat.” “It didn’t used to be. Before the exile we trusted people to honor the agreed upon terms, but since then honor seems to have become a forgotten concept. Now a contract is drawn up and agreed upon by both parties, and signed by the representatives. There isn’t really much law to uphold it, but the signature helps to locate the second party in the unfortunate event of a default, and if the sum is still not paid we do have other ways of extracting it.” “Well it seems to have gotten quite official since I been away. Well if you’re ready let’s get down ter business.” Dagur walked into the far room, the one he used as a sleeping chamber, and came back with a large piece of parchment and a quill pen. It was noticed by Gormanjur however, that he was not carrying any ink. Both of these he placed off to the side as he invited Gore to sit at the small table that occupied the center of the room, then sat down himself. “First we’ll work out the details, and then write down all the official terms here. So what is it exactly that this contract entails?” Dagur’s statement was completed with a folding of his hands as he looked at Gore, signifying him to continue. Goremanjur thought for a moment before replying. “Well let’s see, the long term goal would defernetly be the death of the emperor, however that theres not quite what I’ve been erficially tasked to ‘acquire’ as it were.” Extras. Dagur smiled at the thought. Such things were oftentimes included in such contracts. They also brought greater cost, a benefit for him. He motioned with his hand “Continue, Please.” Gormanjur lingered a small while, as if he were thinking of an appropriate manner in which to introduce the next piece of business. Finally he spoke “Well I might s’well come out wit’ the whole thing right now. The up an’ ups don’t think one person’ll cut it fer this job. They wants you ter train a group of Assassins, then, and I don’t know how they think they can pull this here off, they want y’all to work as a team, ter take down da emperor. What’s more they wants one of ya to be a representative of each race, some kinda ‘fairness to all peoples’ or some such, think they might all be a touch o’ crazy myself.” As the words poured from Gore’s mouth Dagur’s mind began to race. His memories flowed through the sixteen years of his life and he saw all the hurt and pain that the empire and its leader had caused his people. He remembered all the old stories he had been told of the time before the exile when he and his had still been allowed contact with the other races. He remembered the few times that he had been there himself, to other lands, as a child with his parents. What he now saw before him was an opportunity for everything he and his race had wished for, the destruction of the empire, their freedom, the chance to rejoin the peoples of the land, to walk freely through the world without the constant fear of destruction. He saw a chance to reclaim the Honor of his clan. He knew there were many, some even residing in his own clan, who would hate his decision and reject him for it, but the world had always been that way, full of doubt and disunity.

Finally, for it was several minutes later before he responded, Dagur’s face stirred. It began with a twitching of the ear, a wrinkle of the nose, and finally a large toothy grin spread across his face. Gore took this as a sign of his goodwill and smiled himself. He of course did not see the hardness in the eyes or the grimace in the smile. Only Dagur knew of these emotions, those of hurt and sorrow and pain that accompanied the decision. He knew his family would have wanted this, and he only wished that they could be there to share it with him. Then he began to speak “Of course you realize that what you ask is a near impossibility? These sorts of requests come with a steep price.” The smile on Gore’s face lessened slightly.

“O’ course, o’course. Wouldn’t ‘ave ‘spected anything else really. Fortunately fer you ‘Am authorized to offer damn near anything ya please, think that’s what they said anyways.” Dagur stopped and thought for a moment more, preparing himself for what he was about to do. He realized that at this moment his decision could rewrite history. He steeled himself for the challenge.
“I would hope for a great many things to come from this, but that which I would most like to see would be the reacceptance of my people, that we could walk freely amongst you or shun you however we may please.” Dagur continued quickly so as not to give Gore the time required to interrupt him. He needn’t have done so however as Gore was already dumbstruck by the request and was yet incapable of speech. “I would also have reparations made to my people, land that was taken restored, as well as an equal share in the spoils of the coming confrontation. After such a ‘war’ or what have you occurs, we shall again be free to practice our trade without the persecution of your governments, we shall be acknowledged as our own sovereign people and have a governmental system of our own, to attend your councils and meetings, and be acknowledged as equals by the other peoples.” Dagur stopped and thought for a second before continuing. “In addition I will require the aid of all the other peoples; they cannot come into this enterprise halfheartedly. I must have their full support and be able to rely on both their recruits as well as their methods of training and equipment.” Gore continued to sit, awestruck, for several moments before replying.
“Damn, boy, ‘ave you got some grit! I think most anybody else would ‘er asked fer personal gain, or taken this ‘ere deal out ‘er greed. S’been a long while since ‘A seen a body wit a sense fer da ‘greater good’ as some calls it. Thing is yer askin’ a pow’ful lot dere. If I were ter authorize that my s’periors ‘d kill me. Aw, hell boy A’m in.”

Dagur’s smile returned and an almost imperceptible sigh of relief escaped him. For the next few minutes he and Gore proceeded to go over the exact wording and details that would be put to paper, since the exile all of Dagur’s kind had been trained in the writing of documents, mainly so that their contracts were clear and couldn’t be called ‘illegal and unbinding’ by the client. Finally when this wording was completed Dagur took a small knife out of his belt. Using this he shaved a small patch of fur off of his wrist and then made an incision. He then placed the knife on the table, although Gore noticed that it was easily within Dagur’s reach it was outside of his. This boy wasn’t nearly as green as he looked. Dagur proceeded to dip the quill into the incision and wrote the contract out in his blood. The contracts written and signed by the Varúlfur Lykánthropas were considered a sacred bond to them, a pledge of their honor and so were written in blood to signify this. When the contract was finished he signed in flowing script Dagur Myrkri. He then handed both quill and paper to Gore who in turn drew his own knife and repeated the process, signing neatly at the bottom Gormanjur Tarras. Dagur took the parchment, now so much more valuable and gave it one final look, making sure everything was in order.

One last grin flashed across his face.


2
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Review by Krissy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello Wolf-Man Author IconMail Icon

Here are the passive verbs used in this chapter.

Your friend in writing,
Krissy





He was now in a tree above the camp waiting, waiting for the sentries to pass beneath it, one after another. The first sentry walked by and just as the second was below him Dagur pounced, landing exactly where he wanted to, his fall snapping the sentry’s neck. The remaining sentry began to turn, reacting to the noise, and as he did Dagur ripped his throat out with his teeth. He then stood and watched the man’s panicked eyes as he thrashed on the ground, blood spewing in all directions. When he ceased to move Dagur continued on toward the first tent, since they were arranged in a plain circle he would start with a random tent and make his way around.



Dagur entered the tent and looked around. There was only one occupant and Dagur smiled as he drew a long, thin dagger from his belt. He crept over to the sleeping Venatore and, still smiling, thrust the dagger deep into his chest. The man’s eyes popped open and a soundless wail came from his throat, after which he began to gasp and looked at Dagur with horror. The man would live for a while as Dagur had not pierced his heart but aimed for his lungs. He was unable to make a sound as Dagur slowly carved out both of his eyes and all ten of his fingers one at a time. By then the man was dead and Dagur proceeded to the next tent, where his planwas altered.



As he entered this tent he was met with the unexpected. A dog was sleeping fitfully and as he went past it awoke and bit him on the leg, snarling and growling all the while. Even though he quickly reached down and snapped the animal’s spine with his right hand, the noise had wakened the tent’s other occupant who shouted a warning to the rest of the men.



As Dagur exited the tent, muttering a curse at his own foolishness, he was met by an armed man whom he dispatched with three slicing strikes of his claws, each swipe being punctuated with a step forward. Sensing someone behind him he kicked out with his right leg and twisted to face the attacker. As he twisted he used his right hand to slice across the man’s eyes blinding him. Dagur then finished the man by thrusting both of his clawed hands into the man’s throat. Another of the Venatores was swinging a sword toward him from the left and Dagur stepped toward him and blocked his wrist with his left hand reinforced by his right. He then slashed his right across the Venator’s eyes, his left digging into the wrist. Dagur’s right hand thrust its claws into the man’s side and afterwards he drove his right knee into the same place, hearing a satisfying crunch from the ribs inside. Throwing the broken body away from him he heard a yell from behind him to the right, Dagur spun around instantly taking in the angry man swinging another sword at his chest. Dagur swayed his body back, the sword just passing him, and with his right hand grabbed the man’s wrist and stepped his left leg behind his right, dragging the man off balance. Dagur unstepped with his right foot and as he did so used his left hand to slash across the man’s face. As Dagur’s foot touched the ground he slammed his left palm into the man’s elbow and+c:red} was rewarded with a gratifying snap. As Dagur dropped the broken body to the ground yet another human came at him, this time with a horizontal swing of his sword. Dagur ducked, dropping to his right knee and shot out both arms, one catching the man in the gut and the other breaking his kneecap. Dagur span to the right, kicking out the man’s broken leg and as he fell, Dagur dropped and landed an axe kick to the man’s skull, being rewarded by a crunch. He then jumped to his feet, blocking the next sword cut at the deliverer’s wrist and thrusting his clawed hand deep into the man’s throat with an uppercut-like motion. As Dagur span to look for another target, he was grabbed by the throat from the front. He brought both of his arms slamming down upon the arms of his attacker, nodding his head as he did so. This resulted in the top of his thick skull slamming into the Venator’s nose with a delightful scrunching noise. He then brought two elbows across the man’s face, one horizontal and then a vertical elbow with his left arm. After he finished the elbow he brought his claws back down across the face of his attacker finishing him for good.



Looking around Dagur saw that only two of the Venatores remained, and both were circling him waiting for an opening in his guard. One of the Venatores lunged toward him with a sword, quickly Dagur sidestepped out of the way and grabbed the man’s wrist and slammed into his elbow, breaking it. He threw the man away from him and faced the last of them. He could see that the last Venator was shaking and barely managed to keep a grip on his sword. He decided that what would shake this man most would be a show of force.



Dagur began to laugh hysterically. The sound was not simply a laugh but also a snarl, growl and almost a deep howl. The sound was terrible and fearsome, embodying all that was dark and terrifying. The man swallowed hard and almost dropped the sword. He was now shaking uncontrollably. Dagur noticed the man with the broken arm had stood and was also shaking. To top off all of this Dagur began to talk to them in a deep, growling and raspy voice. “Fools!” he spat. “Did you really think you could defeat me!” The man with the broken arm whispered to the other “Don’t listen to it.” “Of course not, we aren’t people are we?! Just animals for you to destroy. Did you really think that they were alone! That they had no family, no one that cared for them and loved them?” the broken armed man replied “And what of the people you’ve killed? What did they die for? Money, power, or did you just enjoy killing them.” Dagur was ready with an answer “After what you did to our kind, we enjoy killing you with the utmost fibre of our being. When we lived peacefully among all, you drove us out. When that wasn’t enough you sought to destroy us. Our was hunted to near extinction and you hunt us still for a few of the worst of your kind that we have taken. Your kind are killed more by each other than by we, yet you have entire armies devoted to hunting my people. Answer me, how large is the force protecting your cities from their own inhabitants?” Both men were silent for a time, still shaking but not speaking a word. Dagur then answered the question for himself “That’s what I thought, whatever few guards still have a sense of duty. At this Dagur gave an earsplitting roar of anger and watched as both of the men cowered before him. Then he continued to speak “Look at you shaking and weak. How can you live with yourselves? The brave Imperial Venatores, is it not your job to dispose of ‘monsters’ like myself. You seem to have had less trouble killing young ones barely old enough to talk!” Still the men shook and Dagur grew still angrier as he raged at them. Eventually his anger got the better of him and he leapt at the less shaky of the two men, the one that had spoken before. They went down with Dagur on top and using his fangs to tear out the throat of the man before they had even reached the ground. During this however, the other of the two men had, more through instinct than courage, swung his sword down at Dagur. Because he was moving swiftly and going to the ground the man only managed to score a long cut down his left leg. It was by no means deadly but did hurt a good deal. As Dagur rolled out of his pounce he landed more heavily because of it, as he turned to face his last opponent he saw the man had decided to fight it out, likely realizing that if he tried to run he would be pounced upon and killed. The Venatore ran at him swinging his sword downward with both hands. Dagur jumped to the left, smacking down the sword with his right hand, and used his left hand to score five deep and jagged cuts into the man’s side. He began to bleed just as Dagur’s own blood began to clot and scab. The Venatore then thrust his sword at Dagur, hoping to impale him. Unfortunately for the man Dagur leapt to the right and bit him deep in the shoulder, releasing quickly to avoid a counterattack from the Venatore’s sword. The human staggered back, reeling from pain and loss of blood. He tried to direct one last feeble swing at Dagur, but dropped his sword midway. Not that it would have mattered for he was far too slow now to have actually landed the blow. The man dropped to his knees, looked up at Dagur’s snarling face, and began to speak in a small whimpering voice. “Please, let me live. I-I have a family- brothers and a mother…” Dagur slowly walked towards the man, placed his right hand on the Venatore’s head and lifted him into the air. “So did I” He whispered as he crushed the man’s skull into oblivion.



With that Dagur fell to his knees and wept.


3
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Review by Krissy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Wolf-Man Author IconMail Icon


I’m reviewing chapter two in the same way I reviewed chapter one with the focus of this review on a mechanical issue; passive voice or verb.

The passive voice is especially helpful (and even regarded as mandatory) in scientific or technical writing or lab reports, where the actor is not really important but the process or principle being described is of ultimate importance. Instead of writing "I poured 20 cc of acid into the beaker," we would write "Twenty cc of acid is/was poured into the beaker." The passive voice is also useful when describing, say, a mechanical process in which the details of process are much more important than anyone's taking responsibility for the action: "The first coat of primer paint is applied immediately after the acid rinse."


A few examples will be the easiest way to explain the difference between the active voice and passive voice.

It’s passive to say: The child was carried in John’s arms (Note the use of the word 'was'.)
Rather, for active voice say: John carried the child in his arms.
(Or even better, to avoid redundancy, you could simply say: John carried the child.)
Do you see how much more vibrant and energized the active example is? The other one kind of just limps along.



I have copy, paste, the second chapter and in red I have highlighted the passive voice.


Your friend in writing
Krissy



Dagur now stood again in the clearing where his mission had started. He had returned the day of Anima’s death and one day ahead of his allotted time. He was welcomed back in to the clan with open arms and congratulations from his clanmates. His gift of Anima’s notes was greeted with great approval but not with nearly as much as the heart of Anima himself. That had been truly appreciated by the clan. It was now the following night and the moon still shone brightly overhead. Again in front of him was a small fire and standing next to it, his father. This time however there were two additional members of the clan standing with him. To his right stood Dagur’s mother, and to his left stood the clan tattooist, Húoflúr. He was an old and grizzled member of the clan, and had seen many more moons than most of the clan members. He had held this position since before anyone could remember and was possibly the best tattoo artist alive. He had to be very quick and precise in his work as the members of Varúlfur Lykánthropas healed with extreme speed. He was here to perform the rite that would recognize Dagur as a full member of the clan. Dagur approached them. He was given a nod from his father and from his mother one of her beautiful smiles. All present wore ceremonial clothing over their werewolf forms. This was a special occasion after all.

Húoflúr spoke “Come forward Dagur. Are you ready to complete the rite of Helgiathöfn Fullrothsár?”

Dagur looked around at the edges of the clearing, at the burning eyes of his clanmates just inside the darkness of the forest. He then turned to Húoflúr and said “Yes. I am ready.”

Then Húoflúr spoke in a booming voice “Then by the powers of our ancestors, the Forn Sjálfur, I pronounce you a full member of the clan of Varúlfur Lykánthropas. Now step forward and receive your Merkja Deyja, the mark of our order and your own personal Auokenni that will identify you as a member of this clan.” Dagur stepped forward and opened his left hand palm up ready to receive the Merkja Deyja. Húoflúr took a small knife and shaved away the layer of silky fur covering his palm. Then both of them proceeded to kneel and Dagur placed his hand, still facing the palm upwards on a large working stone. This would give Húoflúr the stability he needed to work accurately. Húoflúr then took his small kit of tools and selected his best tattooing needle. This was an important ceremony and only the best would do. As Húoflúr started the very important work before him, Dagur winced at the pain he felt in his hand. This did not last long however as it was soon overwhelmed by the pride and joy he felt at becoming a full member of his clan. Soon Húoflúr was finished and they both stood Húoflúr gripping Dagur’s wrist and raising his hand high for all to see. Howls and songs of joy and delight shook the night air and could be heard for miles around. The clan emerged from the trees and began to dance and sing around the fire, for tonight was a night of celebration and festivity. Húoflúr instructed Dagur to lie down on his back near the fire to receive his Auokenni. This would be his personal mark of identification. Dagur had chosen to have his placed around his right eye and Húoflúr proceeded to shave this area as well. Of course all of this would have been easier to do in human form but it was traditional to have the ceremony performed as a full werewolf. Besides the fur would grow back before the night was through and Dagur wanted this night to be special. Again the pain of the needle was overwhelmed by happiness as he received his mark. After the process was complete Dagur and Húoflúr stood again and the clan rejoiced to see his face, now brought into adulthood by the staining of his skin. The entire clan rejoiced and reveled the whole night long as Dagur was given much praise and many gifts. He was now a full member of the clan and would be free to find his own den, make his own decisions and choose a mate among the clan. As to this last issue, several beautiful females had made it known that they would be pleased to have him as a mate, but he was not yet sure he was ready for a responsibility as large as that one. He planned to live at least a small time on his own and then think more about what he would do.

It was the next day it was time for Dagur to decide on a den and a territory of his own. He had seen several promising locations but the one he liked most was a large cave atop of a hill with fewer trees than the surrounding area. The cave had a soft sandy floor and had four separate room-like areas. The first room was just inside the entrance and had a narrow opening, just big enough to be comfortable but not so large as to admit more than one person at a time, but soon widened into a spacious area that was about fifteen feet long and ten feet wide. This was an ideal place for any training equipment he wanted to keep nearby for easy use, werewolves needed exercise like anyone else, and it was good for him to keep his skills practiced. The entrance to the second room was just at the back right corner of the first and was also narrow but then widened after a few feet. This room was about ten foot square and would be perfect for the preparation and consumption of any food he needed, werewolves generally consumed averagely at least twenty pounds of raw meat in a day and could consume about sixty-five pounds at a time when gorging. Two rooms joined with this one and the first of them lead of to the right and was about eight feet long and four feet wide. This room had several natural stone shelves and room where he would carve in more. This made it great for food storage and for any other items he wanted to be accessible but out of the way. The final room was accessed by a tunnel that started in the back left corner of the second room and curved gently to the left for about ten feet. This tunnel led to a smaller eight foot square area that he would use for sleeping.

Just outside the entrance to the cave shading it nicely during the entire day was a large oak tree. This particular tree was the only one near the summit of the hill and this gave it a commanding view over the surrounding area. The woods around the hill were made of deciduous trees with pines sprinkled amongst them. Twenty feet below and to the right of the cave entrance was a small spring that bubbled forth fresh clean water. From the spring issued forth a small stream that ran peacefully down the hill to join a much larger river at the base of the hill and off to the right side. This in turn ran westward toward the sea, and was a great source of excitement to the local animals during the spring salmon run. He occasionally even enjoyed a few of the salmon himself. Yes this would be a perfect place for him to live.
*****
It was now one moon later and he had successfully marked the territory around his den and given it all the comforts of home. His sleeping area now had a wooden bed he had made himself and a straw mattress covered in a clean white cloth. He had finally chipped away several shelves into his storage room and it was now filled with the beginnings of a pantry. Its shelves contained a bag of flour, a cask of oil, several large pieces of smoked meat, and in the back corner aging nicely, a large round cheese he was making himself. Had he decided to subsist on these alone they would be gone in less than a week but most of his food was the raw meat that he hunted for almost every day. In the adjoining room he had placed a small wooden table with two chairs, and had polished a long ledge into a very nice counter. He had wished to do what small amount of cooking he did in the room but had no place for smoke to exit should he light a fire. So instead he had a fire just outside the entrance to his cave. The room that separated this area from the entrance to the cave was filled with all manner of equipment such as swords and knives. In one corner he had placed a wooden post and used this to practice with his throwing weapons. In short he had created a very livable environment, and enjoyed his freedom profusely.

Presently however it was time for him to leave his pleasant dwelling for a hunt. This was one of the highlights of his day, the chasing of an animal, flying through the forest, it never ceased to thrill him. These were the thoughts that entered his head as he stalked through the forest, straining every sense, his sight, smell, and hearing searching the forest for game. Suddenly he stopped. A smell hung before him in the air, he followed it for a short time and found a set of tracks leading through the forest. Just as he thought, a deer headed westward toward the sea at a leisurely pace. These were one of the staples of his diet and also proved thrilling to catch. He pursued the tracks, increasing his pace, and when he reached the point at which he smelled the deer more strongly than before he stopped. He knew the area ahead. It was a small dip in the land with a stream running through. The deer had likely come here for a drink and would probably look for food directly afterward. He knew a place up to the left of the indention that deer frequented for the soft clover between the trees. He slowly circled around until he was in position, just behind the cover of a group of bushes and with the wind blowing his scent away from the deer. He could hear it now drawing closer, its small footsteps pecking on the ground. Finally he saw it moving gingerly through the trees until it reached the patches of clover. It lifted its head to be sure that there were no enemies about. Satisfied that there were no threats immediately present it began to graze on the soft leaves. Dagur began to slide silently between the trees until he was near the right flank of the deer. He then began to stealthily move forward and was about to pounce upon the grazing creatures back when snap! He could instantly tell it was the unique sound of a branch breaking beneath a foot, a foot that did not belong to him. He had no time however to find and punish the person responsible for the deer had looked up and seen him. As it fled he broke into chase and slowly gained upon the sprinting animal and took one final leap, reaching out with his right hand as he did so and snagging the deer’s back leg. He made sure he held firm as both he and the deer crashed to the ground and rolled several times. Before the unlucky animal could regain its feet he leapt upon it and sank his fangs deep into its throat. As the deer died he looked it in the eyes and whispered “Þakka þér fyrir þetta sanguinem sem hefur verið úthellt. Rest in peace brother, the sunny vales and windswept hills await you.” He then silently gathered the body of the deer and returned through the forest to his cave.

When he arrived he placed the carcass outside and retrieved a small leather bag filled with tools from the first room of the cave. From this bag he removed a skinning knife and proceeded to skin and gut the deer. Having finished this he took the vital organs, save the rumen and large intestine, and placed them in a large earthenware jar. He then proceeded to remove the brain and placed it into the jar as well. He then placed the lid on the jar and sealed it with a thick layer of tallow. He then took the jar to a place in the stream that was especially cool. Dagur sat the jar into the water beside the two others already there. Then he returned to the mouth of the cave and placed the deer’s skin on one of the stretching racks he kept handy. It was through these skins after all that he acquired the few things he didn’t make or find himself. He then removed one of the back legs of the deer and placed it over the fire to begin smoking. As he waited he removed another tool from his kit and used it to scrape the remaining flesh off of the hide. This he proceeded to eat as he removed it. When this was done he set the rack up to dry and moved on to butchering the deer. He removed the two front legs and one side of ribs from the carcass. These he would take to his parents den later. As an afterthought he also placed with these the hooves from the deer. His parents had a new litter of pups this year and he knew they would love to play with them for a while before crunching them up. The rest of the meat he kept for himself. He cut away the backstraps and ate them both sitting by the fire. He also stripped the meat from the ribs before quieting his hunger. The rest of the meat he placed atop a large earthenware dish so as not to lose any blood and carried inside to his storage room, placing the meat at the back for his evening meal. The remains of the deer he took into the forest and left for the scavengers. When he returned he finished smoking the haunch over the fire, placed it in the storeroom and then returned to take the meat to his parents den.

Dagur had made the five mile crossing to his parents’ den relatively quickly, as he was eager to see the new pups once again. They always managed to put a smile on his face with their antics and brightened his day considerably. Yes, now that he thought about it he had a very good life. He felt that way until he reached the den of his parents. As soon as he arrived he caught three distinct scents. One was the scent of blood, another the reek of humans, and the third was the stench of death. Dagur instantly dropped the meat he had been carrying and sprinted the rest of the way to the den. It was a cave like his own but situated in a densely wooded area. He finally arrived at the entrance to the den and he smelled even more strongly the rank odor of blood. Dagur already knew what he would find but ventured inside anyway. There they were, the corpses of his parents, even now in death they still huddled over their pups, even though they were also cold and lifeless. He bowed his head and spoke “Hvíla í friði göfugt sjálfur sem gaf líf sitt fyrir aðra, og þú lítil saklaus líf voru teknar allt of fljótt.” He then looked around at the blood spattered walls, far too much blood to be only that of his kin. Good he thought, at least his parents had managed to take a good number of humans with them. It was a saying among the clan that to go to the sunny vales and windswept hills alone was dishonorable. His parents had surely not gone alone.

Dagur began to breathe deeply. He took in the smell of the humans and knew he could now pick it out when he found it. That was exactly what he intended to do, find the humans responsible and kill them. The bones of his family would not rest in the sacred caves of the dead until their murders were avenged. He left the cave and immediately started to follow the scent of humans. He traveled swiftly through the forest and soon found himself nearing the edge. He stopped knowing it would be wisest for him to change into his human form. His body took pleasure in the change but his mind was fixated upon the revenge of his family’s murders. He considered where he would start looking. He could always follow their scent trail and hope it led directly to them. This however left a lot to chance and he had been taught to minimize chances. He had a contact, a fur trader, who lived close to here. He would try to gain information from him about anyone suspicious he had seen entering the forest. The man had an eye for secrets, but Dagur had fortunately managed to keep his secure.

Now in human form he set off, leaving the forest and heading toward the residence of Dýra Pellium, the man that bought his furs and, sometimes, provided him with information. It wasn’t long before he arrived at the small hut that Dýra called home. It was a modest dwelling, as Dýra lived well within his means. He had told Dagur that he planned on saving up enough money to start a larger operation somewhere along the coast. Dagur couldn’t say he would miss the human when he was gone but he did value his services, and his odd acceptance of Dagur’s avoidance to any questions that might jeopardize his safety. Yes, he had learned to get along quite well with the old man, and as much as he hated it, he now needed his help.

Dagur walked up to the door and knocked softly. He heard a loud, gruff voice from inside call out “Wah… who is it?”

He responded “It’s me, Dagur”. He heard movement from inside and a fumbling sound at the door. Finally it opened and he saw the face of the grizzled old fur trader.

“Ahh, Dagur” said the man “come in, come in, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

“It has been a while since I’ve been here” said Dagur. They both walked inside and Dagur once again glanced around at the small cabin and its contents. It looked like a typical hunter’s lodge tucked away on the outskirts of the forest. There were several choice furs hanging on racks and piles of cured ones tucked away in odd corners, awaiting a buyer. The building consisted of only two rooms, a kitchen and workroom and the room used for sleeping and daily living. In the kitchen there was a small wood burning stove, used for cooking, and a polished wooden counter supported by posts. This was used for the preparation of food or alternatively for Dýra’s work with his furs. He mainly sold cured furs to buyers that would then create goods from them, but he sometimes took special orders and created products himself. They walked over toward the living area and sat down at a small table. Dagur decided to proceed directly to the point “Dýra, I need your help with something.”

Dýra responded quickly enough “of course, of course, what do you need Dagur?”

“I was wondering whether you had seen anyone recently that looked out of place, not the usual foresters and hunters, someone who didn’t belong?” asked Dagur.

“Ahhh yes, now that you mention it there were some newcomers arrived a few days back. Some Imperial Venatores I believe, we don’t get their kind here very often. Yes about thirty or so passed this way, probably headed up north along the road” Dýra replied.

“Thank you Dýra, that is most helpful” Dagur said as he stood to leave. Dýra continued to ramble on in his chair

“Well you know me, I always try to help when I can, you know there was this one time when …” He was still going on as Dagur closed the door behind him and left the house.

Dýra had been right about everything. The group of Venatores had passed to the north and made camp, although their numbers had decreased due to the last work of his parents. They had taken care of all but twelve of the well-trained men. He could see them now readying the camp for night, cooking food and squaring away the men’s belongings for the march tomorrow. How he wanted to simply race into the camp and rip and tear and rend until all fell before him, but he knew better than that. These were men that had been specifically trained to hunt the nonhuman races of the land. He must wait until nightfall. That would be the time to strike, and even then he must be cautious. He watched the camp, taking note of everything he saw, the position of the two sentries, the route they took around the camp, the arrangement of the tents and even the positions of the surrounding trees. Finally all were asleep but the two sentries; his heightened hearing could sense the regular, deep breaths coming from every tent. It was time for him to begin.

He retreated deeper into the forest to begin his shift. He had traveled this far in human form to escape any detection or the suspicion of anyone he might meet on the road. Now he would need a different form to help him with his bloody work. He was far enough away from the camp that he would be undetected and so began to concentrate on changing his body. He felt his fingernails lengthen into long, sharp claws, his hands crackle and snap as they grew larger and he felt quivers of ecstasy shoot up his arms as they to lengthened and grew. His canines reformed into fangs and his nose and mouth began to form into a snout with a crunch that elated him. Joy flooded through him as the bones in his legs began to split and fracture, reforming their shape. The endorphins sang through his veins like liquid happiness as his muscles became denser and his nerves harder. His ears grew and rose to the top of his head with a feeling of delight, and he settled into a euphoric bliss as his transformation grew complete. As he stalked back toward the camp of the Venatores he was not frightened of death or pain or even of failure. He knew what he needed to do, what he wanted to do. He would go to the camp and spill the lifeblood of every one of the Venatores, and he would enjoy it.





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Review of A Day of Darkness  Open in new Window.
Review by Krissy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello Wolf-Man Author IconMail Icon


I will be reviewing you work as part of the journey to becoming a full member of "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.. I will carefully review each item in your portfolio. My focus will be on a mechanical issue within your writing; the use of passive voice or passive verb.

The uses of passive verbs are not automatically wrong. When used rarely and deliberately, the passive voice serves an important purpose. In writing fiction, the use of passive verbs can diminish your work greatly.



Examples of Passive Voice usage versa Active Voice or verb usage:


The work is being completed by John= passive.

John is completing the work = active.

The sound was heard by several people = passive

Many people heard the sound = active

The clouds are blown by the wind = passive

The wind blows the clouds =active



I have copy, paste your first chapter, and highlighted in red all the passive voice in this piece. My best advice is to rewrite these sentences using active verbs. This will improve your writing alot.


Your friend in writing
Krissy

P.S. I will be reviewing all of your work as will the group. Do not worry, we will review your story as a whole; plot, characters, etc. I’m just part of the mechanical team.



Dagur Myrkri was approaching his sixteenth year and was about to perform the Helgiathöfn Fullrothsár, his rite of passage into adulthood. He stood in the clearing, a fine example of his race. At seven and a half feet he was slightly taller than average, though his limbs bore the long and sinewy appearance that was expected of clan members. His head and neck rested atop his shoulders with a regal countenance. He had a long muzzle and large, pointed, triangular ears that could swivel to catch sound from any direction. His body was covered in a thick layer of silvery fur that thinned to a small superficial layer over his palms and the soles of his feet. Upon these he possessed thick pads that protected his palms and ensured that his hold would not slip. In addition to this was a large, lustrous tail that helped him both in conversing with other clan members and to maintain the superb sense of balance required by his lifestyle. His eyes were a deep green, in contrast with most of his race which had golden colored irises. He had earlier donned the loose green robes that were required of the ceremony. These were embroidered with silver runes that shone out brightly in the firelight.

In front of him stood his father, adjacent to a small fire. “Are you ready” his father asked.

He slowly looked around at the small glade lit by both the full moon and the fire. “Yes.” He responded.

“You will now be given your assignment. To become a full member of the Clan Varúlfur Lykánthropas you will need to infiltrate a human city, assassinate one particular human and exfiltrate the city undetected” said his father. “You will be given three days to complete your assignment. If you have not returned within that time you will have failed.” His father now took a small scroll and handed it to him. “Entailed are the name and location of your target. Gangi þér vel.” With that his father walked into the darkness.

He slowly opened the scroll and read its contents. He was to assassinate a human known as Mortus Anima, who resided in the lower west district of the city Urbem Magnum. He was a known consort of one of the emperor’s advisers. Anima was a street level boss and the information he gathered found its way back to the emperor. This kill would be both enjoyable and useful, as the emperor had instituted a policy of unwarranted prosecution against all the clans about two decades ago. This had forced those that weren’t already secluded from the human race to become that way. These were the thoughts that went through Dagur’s mind as he raced through the forest. He knew that the best way to gain undetected entrance to the city was through the west gate. This was the entrance that had the most traffic and it was far easier to go unnoticed in a crowd. He could probably gain entrance through that gate in his full werewolf form if he really felt like it. He released a small chuckle at the thought. He was now nearing the road and started to think about exactly how he would complete his mission. Hmmm, the first thing he would need was a disguise. He slowed down and started to smell the air for a trace of, ah there it was, smoke. Someone must be camped nearby, he thought. He dropped to all fours, so as to make less noise, and moved towards the smell. There it was, in a small clearing just off the main road, a campfire and what looked like camp for a lone traveler. Perfect, the man was just getting up and cooking his morning meal. This would make him distracted and less alert. He slowly, remaining on all fours, crept up behind the man. The man was wearing simple clothes, but not those of a beggar. He had on a pair of brown cloth pants and a shirt made of the same material. Good these would be nondescript and avoid drawing extra attention. Now was the time. The man was fiddling with something in the fire and not paying attention. Dagur quickly reached in front of the man and snagged him by the throat with his left forearm. He then used his right hand to grab his left wrist and pulled, gradually tightening his grip. The man struggled at first, but then as he started to suffocate he moved less and less, eventually he became completely still. Good, thought Dagur, no marks to identify the manner of his killing. “Vera við hvíld” he said, as he removed the man’s clothes. He then grabbed the body by the hair and moved it to a nearby stream. He threw the remains of the man in and watched them slowly float downstream. He would have liked to feed but he didn’t have the time. He went back to the camp and extinguished the flames. No need for a forest fire to break out because he’d been careless. He rummaged through the man’s belongings and found a long hooded traveling cloak. Perfect, this would cover any weapons he needed to take with him. Now it was time for him to shift.

Among humans and the other clans shifting was considered monstrous and disgusting, but this was mainly because they lacked the ability to do so themselves. By his kind the changing of one form into another was considered beautiful. Another part that non-shifters found hard to understand was the feeling that accompanied the change in form. Whenever one changed form it was accompanied by endorphins that flooded the bodies systems and created a feeling of intense ecstasy that was incomparable to any other feeling in the world. This was not simply for the purpose of satisfying the shifter; it also had the effect of blocking the extreme pain that would normally accompany such a drastic change in anatomy. He tried to shift between all three of his forms at least once a day whenever possible. This not only relieved tension and stress but also served as practice for the action of changing. If one remained in a single form for an extended period of time, say anything over a month, the shifters system started to become too accustomed to that body and lost the ability to shift quickly and smoothly. This meant that when the person did attempt to shift it took much more effort and the pain that accompanied shifting was blocked far less effectively. Dagur had once neglected his human form for too long and when he attempted to shift into it, the change took all his effort and left him unconscious from the pain that his body went through. He had never again neglected to shift between his forms regularly andwas known at the clan meets for the speed of his shifting. He had once, in a race, gone through all three of his forms twice before his opponent got through two of his own forms. All his practice now served him very well. He focused his mind on changing his form and pushed, there it was, the release of his current form for the one he now needed. He shivered in delight as his spine cracked and shortened and his organs reformed. His bones shrank and his muscles shriveled to fit their new structure. The last part of him to change was his face. His snout receded and his fangs shortened into human teeth. Finally he was standing there, in his much too large ceremonial clothes, as a human. He removed his clothes and placed them into the now empty pack of the deceased man, and then proceeded to dress in his new clothes. Before donning the traveling cloak he adjusted the straps on all of his weapon’s harnesses and sheaths to fit his new form. It had been found out long ago by his clan that having adjustable weapon sheaths was extremely helpful when changing form. He then slipped on the cloak and backpack and proceeded to go on his way down the road towards Urbem Magnum.

In about an hour and a half he had reached the western gate and had blended into the crowd without drawing suspicion to himself. He now took some time to observe the city. It truly was a center of commerce for the human race. Anything you wanted you could find here, for a price. The city was naturally surrounded on all four sides by a twenty foot high stone wall that served to deter raiders and repel attackers. The wall was made up of large stone blocks that had been quarried some distance away and shipped here like most other things in the city. Each gate was guarded by four sentries and atop the wall, in twenty foot intervals, were more sentries, equipped with bows as well as the regular spears. The sentries gave him no trouble entering the city; he was just another meaningless face to them. Now he needed to head towards the southwestern district and find one of Anima’s thugs to interrogate. It didn’t take him very long to reach the southwestern district, twenty minutes at most. He then looked around until he found a tavern. He abhorred alcohol but they were one of the best places in any city to find information. Along the way he also looked for a suitable target. Not too poor and not too observant either. Ah, there was one, a middle class man strolling along toward him quickly and with a look of purpose in his eyes. Dagur made sure that as they passed each other their shoulders bumped into one another. “Sorry sir” Dagur said. The man just gave him a disapproving look and continued on his way. Dagur didn’t mind, he’d already received a very generous amount of money from the man’s purse. He finally found a tavern called the Bloated Fox, a very unappetizing name in Dagur’s opinion. As he opened the door and went inside the smell hit him, sweat and alcohol, not a very pleasing combination. The smell would have been bad enough for a human, but because he retained his heightened sense of smell in all of his forms it was almost unbearable. After he had adjusted to the smell, he couldn’t say it didn’t still bother him but at least it was tolerable, he walked over to the bartender and asked where he could find an associate of Mortus Anima. He was not surprised when the bartender pointed to a suspicious looking man of medium build at a table in the back corner of the tavern. It figured that Anima would have a contact here; it was a hotspot for information after all. He tossed a silver coin to the bartender and joined the man at the table. The man nodded to him and he replied “I need to arrange a meeting with Mortus Anima. I have very pressing business with him, but I can’t tell you about it here. Do you know somewhere more private that we could talk?” The man nodded again and said “Follow me”.

After about ten minutes of twisting through alleyways they arrived at a nondescript wooden door which the man proceeded to open with a key. He gestured at Dagur to go inside and then followed him in and locked the door. The room they had entered was small and the only furniture it contained was two chairs and a table with a candle that the contact preceded to light. They both sat down at the table and the contact asked him “So what is this pressing business you have with Mortus Anima.” Dagur replied “I have information of particular value to Mr. Anima.” “Go on” said the contact. “Information to be shared with Mr. Anima only.” “Hmm, I see” said the contact “and what proof do you have of this.” “Twenty Peningars worth” said Dagur as he laid the coins clinking upon the table. “That’ll do” said the contact, the greed in the man’s eyes was evident and Dagur could tell this was much more than he was used to receiving. He really didn’t care; the money had no value to him anyway. “I can arrange a meeting with Anima in three days.” “Not good enough” said Dagur “the information will be useless by then. Get me a meeting tomorrow and I’ll make it worth your while.” The contact’s eyes flashed with annoyance at being told what to do, but then his greed took over and he replied “I’ll see what I can do. Meet me back here in three hours time.” With that he unlocked the door to let Dagur out and then followed himself. Three hours thought Dagur. Perfect.

Three hours was enough time for him to exit the city and get a good run in the forest. It was very important that he get proper exercise in all of his forms. Today however he would focus on his human and werewolf forms as they would be the ones he would need to kill Anima. He exited the city the same way he came and once he was out of sight of the sentries he proceeded at a brisk run towards the forest. Once he was sufficiently deep within the forest he stopped and in a clearing he undressed and removed his gear, placing them on a convenient tree limb just in reach. He then began his transformation into full werewolf form. He reveled in the snapping and extending of his spine, took pleasure in the itching growth of his bones, and trembled with joy at the crackling extension of his facial features. The growth of his silky pelt sent ripples of delight through his skin and the emergence of his fangs shot elation through his body. He was complete.

After a wonderful run through the forest he had transformed back into his human form and redressed. He then started back on his way through the forest. As he went he thought about how he would perform the assassination. There were several ways he could think of. Poison was one, he knew enough about the forest plants to be able to manufacture his own whenever he needed it. However if his poison was detected Anima might have time to raise the alarm, which would end in his failure. Another possible solution was a throwing weapon of some sort. He had several with him. But again there was the problem of detection. What if some ‘innocent bystander’ saw what happened. He himself might not be detected but the fact that Anima had been murdered would be. No, probably the best option he had would be to get Anima to a secluded or better yet enclosed place, such as a room with only himself, Anima, and maybe a few guards. Yes, getting Anima into a separate room would be the best thing that could happen.

Three hours had passed and he returned to the room to find it unlocked. He opened the door and went inside. Waiting for him at the table was the contact. Dagur sat down and waited for the contact to speak. “I’ve talked Anima into a meeting tomorrow” said the contact. “Good. Now where will this meeting take place?” The contact replied “You will go to the square east of here and look for a man wearing a red hat. When you see him ask him ‘does the crow fly north?’ He will then escort you to the meeting place.” “Good” said Dagur. He then rose and turned to the door. “What about my payment?” said the contact as he stood and held out his hand for the money. “About that…” said Dagur. He then quickly spun around and grabbed the man’s proffered hand at the wrist. He then swiftly pulled him forward and at the same time slammed his left palm into the man’s face. His nose issued forth an audible crunch. Directly afterwards he leaned back to his left, still keeping a hold of the wrist, and kicked the man’s leg at his knee snapping it loudly as well. He then grabbed the man at the shoulder with his left hand and pulled him forward. At the same time he brought up his left knee and crashed it into the man’s abdomen. As soon as his foot touched the ground again he reversed his grip on the man’s wrist so that he held it in his left hand. He pulled on the wrist and used his right hand to forcefully push the man’s elbow breaking it with a snap. He then span around clockwise and smashed the back of his right fist into the man’s face, throwing him to the floor. He placed his foot on the man’s throat and whispered to him “Rotna í helvíti” as he crushed the trachea beneath his heel.
******
Dagur was now in the square he had been directed to by the now deceased contact. There was his escort, a tall muscular man wearing upper-middle class clothes and a red hat. He slowly walked over to the man and asked him in a calm whisper “Does the crow fly north?” The man gave an almost imperceptible nod and answered back “Follow me.” Again Dagur was led on a twisting journey through alleyways and bystreets before coming to another door not unlike the first he had been taken to, although in a much better part of town. The door was unlocked and he was ushered in, this time however the man who had escorted him remained outside. The inside of this room bore much less resemblance to the previous room than the outside did. It was lavishly furnished with paintings, several thick rugs, and in place of the wooden table was an arrangement of furniture ranging from a large chair and couch to several small, padded footstools. And sprawled across the large chair, as if it were his own personal plush throne, was the man he had come to see, Mortus Anima. Standing behind and slightly to the left of the large chair was a large and muscular body guard. Fortunately he carried no weapons, as his size and strength would be enough to fend off any normal attacker. Unfortunately for Anima the people who wanted him dead had gone to great lengths to ensure that no normal assassin was sent to kill him. Dagur was now glad that he had brought his weapons however as he doubted he would be able to disable the bodyguard using only his hands before Anima cried for help. Presently Anima took notice of him and motioned for him to take a seat directly across from Anima. As he sat down he made sure that he had clear targets of both Anima and his bodyguard. After he had sat down Anima began to speak. “I hear that you have pressing information for me Mr. …?” Dagur replied quickly and calmly “My name is not important. What I have to tell you is. You have been very sloppy of late Mortus. Your name and importance have been found by those who would wish to see you extinguished.” Anima replied with a smug tone “I believe you have been mistaken. I have made sure no word of my work was spread and I do have precautions to prevent any possible attempt on my life.” “Not enough.” Dagur replied as he quickly stood up, clearing his line of sight with the body guard, and reached beneath his cloak. His hand returned and swiftly sent an eight inch throwing knife into the torso of Anima’s bodyguard. He saw the guards eyes roll back in his head and knew he had hit something vital. Anima, not as defenseless as he appeared, had taken a dagger from his own garments and swung it towards Dagur, its tip pointing down so as to stab him. Dagur quickly took a step to the left and swung his left arm up, counter clockwise, driving the edge of his palm into Anima’s wrist. Continuing this motion he brought Anima’s hand downward and grabbed the wrist with his right hand. He then stepped behind Anima, and using his considerable strength wrenched the hand upward with such great force that it not only dislocated the shoulder from its socket but cracked the scapula itself. He then extracted the knife from Anima’s now useless hand and threw him to the floor facing up. As soon as Anima hit the ground he forcibly stomped upon Anima’s good arm and proceeded to pin it to the floor with the extracted dagger, via the wrist. Then with his left leg kneeling upon Anima’s groin to prevent any thought of escape he brought his right elbow smashing obliquely down into Anima’s chest, breaking the sternum. Dagur then proceeded to drive several powerful punches into each of Anima’s sides, breaking most of his ribs. Now for the fun part thought Dagur as he brought forth his own dagger and started to slice open Anima’s chest following the already broken sternum and reaching down all the way to his stomach. Then he reached into the cut with both hands and with a flesh tearing wrench ripped apart Anima’s chest, displaying his vital organs. Anima was still conscious and moaning with pain as this took place. Dagur knew exactly where to find what he was looking for. There it was, Anima’s still beating heart. He watched for a few seconds with a feeling of amusement, that pitiful little muscle, still trying to force life through Anima’s broken body. With his already-bloody dagger he proceeded to cut the arteries and veins leading to Anima’s heart before he tore it from his chest while Anima looked on, still alive. As he ripped out the life pump of the pitiful man before him he whispered in his ear, “Rotna í helvíti”. He looked on as the life fled from Anima’s body, and when he was dead he watched a minute longer until the heart in his hand ceased to beat.

Looking around Dagur found a small satchel on a corner table and he proceeded to look inside. It contained many papers and notes and after glancing at them he determined they were records of Anima’s business. He also tore a piece of Anima’s robes from his body and used them to wrap the now still heart. After cleaning his hands with another piece of robe he placed the heart in the satchel and put it over his shoulder. He then retrieved his knife from the deceased bodyguard, checking to be sure the man was really dead. After he wiped the knife clean and replaced it in its sheathe he went to the door and knocked softly three times. The door opened and the outer guard’s head appeared in the frame. Dagur quickly slammed the door shut on the man’s head, disorienting him. He then pulled the man inside and shot three quick punches to his throat, crushing the windpipe. Dropping the man on the floor, he drew his dagger and stabbed the man between the eyes, to ensure a quick kill. Dagur wiped the dagger clean on the dead man’s clothes and exited the room, now stained with so much blood. He calmly walked to the western gate of the city and returned to the forest, his mission complete.




5
5
Review by Krissy Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Tim Chiu Author IconMail Icon



I found you poem The Essential Journey in random read, and I’m here to offer my advice and opinions.


I can tell that you are a huge fan of The Professional Bowlers Tour and Norm Duke because you captured the love of the sport, and I am assuming, its icon, in this very nice free style poem. Great Job.

Favorite Line: With gritty focus, determination


Thanks for Sharing!

Best Regards
K



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