I've read through your story and found it to be interesting. I made a few notations below, though they are simply my opinions and you are under absolutely no obligation to use them. Soley up to you.
I would recommend putting thoughts in italics so the reader isn't thinking you might have mistook where you put the quotes.
Hey, bring good tent stakes so you don't have to leave your ice axes behind you as you reach for the summit." I recommend leaving that "you" out.
( made me a map of the best way to go. Only it turns out that their little squiggle brought us past the sleepiest enclave of US homes I have ever seen: Dufur, Oregon. Then their 'brilliant Idea' took us right up to snow line, in Mount Hood National Forest. So we had to back track and we lost about an hour or so, but we made it into a hotel in Government Camp by bedtime. (This is a picture of the hotel we stayed in last time.) I'd recommend leaving off the () and using italics or making it simply 1 open and 1 close not 2 open and one close.
Remove () within a dialogue place, leave it outside the quotes if it's something you're telling the reader and not necessarily another character.
Excellent story! I have to say, that I was beginning to think that's what was going to happen, yet I had hoped against it. Then again, being a parent, I have to say it was a fitting ending.
I have some suggestions for you, however please remember that these are my opinions and you're under no obligation to use them.
1 - Fix your spacing throughout. Paragraphs are clumped or seperated in the wrong places.
2 - Bold you chapter headings so they stand out, maybe even center them
3 - Center the title portion
4 - your punctuation should be within the quotes for dialogue.
5 - and I would check through again, I found a few places missing quotes either opening or closing.
Otherwise, excellent job, I truly enjoyed reading this story.
Keep up the great writing
Kris
I found this to be a cute and interesting little story. I enjoyed reading it found myself wanting more. I would recommend being consistent with ... you have them spaced together and you also have the spread out. I personally prefer them seperated.
Excellently written. I'm glad I found this and chose to read. I didn't find anything wrong to make note of but I would recommend spacing in the paragraph toward the beginning. The dialogue is clumped together, making it difficult to read. Other than that, keep up the wonderful writing.
Kris
Powerful, emotional and thank you for sharing. I found nothing wrong to make note of and I have only one suggestion and that is to maybe make it a bit longer with mentioning some of the memories. You did a great job on this piece and I hope you keep up the wonderful writing.
I found this to be heartfelt and full of emotion. You told a great story and I found nothing wrong to make note of. The only suggestion I have is to center your spacers. I enjoyed reading this and hope you keep up the wonderful writing.
Excellent,
Kris
Great story. I would suggest though that you watch your spacing. I noticed several of the paragraphs are clumped together. I don't know if that is intentional, but if it's not, you might want to check those out. I found nothing else to make note of. Please remember that this is solely my opinion and you are welcome to use or not.
Excellent work! I truly enjoyed reading this from start to finish. I liked the ending gave me the answer I had hoped was true. I found nothing wrong to make note of other than at the end daughter- teacher. I would put a space before the dash making it even. Great job and keep up the wonderful writing.
Excellent work. I enjoyed reading this. I did find a few little things. Mostly line spacing. Some of the paragraphs should have a line between them separating them from the one before. I would go through and fix those. Other than that, you did an excellent job.
I thought you did a great job on this piece. I would recommend removing the {/} within just after the word dude and I would remove the word count at the end. Other than that, I couldn't find anything else to make note of. Great job and keep up the great writing.
Excellent work. I do have a couple of notes for you. However please remember that these are my opinions and mine alone. You are welcome to use or disregard as you see fit.
1 - for dialogue use " instead of single quotes.
2 - if you're stressing something italicize it.
3 - personally I prefer ... to be spaced out . . .
Glad to see you here and hope to see more work in the future. Be sure to ask questions if you're unsure, everyone is always more than willing to direct you in the right direction. Take our time and look around and again don't be afraid to ask questions! My emails always open and I pop in almost every day!
I have a few suggestions for you -
1 - I would recommend creating this into a book format.
2 - I would put the synopsis in the book layout for everyone to read prior to checking out the chapters.
3 - I would also recommend previewing your work once you've posted it, this is where you can make the necessary changes and see how we all see it.
4 - In the "Site Navigation" bar under "Site tools" if you check out "WritingML Help" this will give you the tools to format your story to your liking.
5 - I thought the layout looked good other than toward the beginning of the chapter the spacing between sentences was a bit off, and I would recommend you put thoughts in italics.
Other than that, you did a great job and welcome to WDC!
Kris
I thank you for sharing your experience with us. I enjoyed reading this. I only found one thing and it's toward the beginning when you spelled Jon as John. Otherwise you did a wonderful job telling your story. I found nothing else wrong and I have no suggestions to make. I did enjoy how the words had the definitions for someone who doesn't know what they mean.
You did a good job on this. However I had a problem with your spacing of your paragraphs and found some of your sentences to drop to the next line. I would recommend going through this and repairing and straightening it to a neater fashion. It makes it easier to read. However this is strictly my opinion.
I must say this was very well written and very to the point. Confusing to some if not read carefully. I enjoyed reading it and found nothing wrong to make note of nor do I have any suggestions to make. Honestly I think this is an argument that will go on forever.
Nice and interesting, though I wish there had been more. I did find one thing, dropped in the first paragraph should have been dripped. I have no other suggestions and found nothing else wrong to make note of. You did a wonderful job. Keep up the great writing.
I thought you did a great job on this. Interesting and I didn't anticipate the end. I found nothing to make note of in way of mistakes and honestly I wouldn't change a thing. You did a great job and I hope you keep up the great writing.
I must say, I wasn't too sure what I was going to find when I opened this particular item, however I can say that I did enjoy reading it and found myself agreeing to it. You did a great job and I found nothing to make a suggestion on.
You brought tears to my eyes! You did a great job on this and thought of my own husband. I found a couple little things. Spacing after commas in the fourth to last stanza and fourth from the top, second line, It shouldn't be capilatized, unless of course you intended it.
I thank you as a mother for sharing that beautiful story. You did a great job in telling it and I enjoyed reading it. You brought back some memories for me and tears to my eyes.
Great Job and Keep up the great writing.
Thank you again,
Kris
1. Watch the spacing of your paragraphs. They should be seperated out or indented to make note where they start and personally it looks neater.
2. I personally don't like () within a story. You could use commas instead, though that is my personal opinion and one you are welcome to take or ignore. Completely up to you.
I truly enjoyed reading this and think you did a great job. I have only two minor suggestions. I personally prefer to put the ellipses as . . . this instead. However this is truly up to you. Also, watch for what looks like double spacing between sentences. It looks like most is single but I did note one or two within of double.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.15 seconds at 7:41pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
