I have been absent for some time, however I am back and just wanted to mention that my publisher died unexpectedly. All of her authors decided to write a commemorative book of stories and poems to say good-bye and my piece "Dancing In The Rain" was published for that volume. Anyone inclined to read it can go to "Invalid Item" . I would appreciate any new reviews on it. Thanks
Excellent poignant poem. Very well thought out and executed. As for the meaning, I could not agree more. It is frightening how many people have guns and how easy it is to use them. Well done.
I found your poem very dark. Much like it were Satan himself speaking. I am not sure if this is because of the holiday this month or if you usually write in this dark mood. You stayed within the form well and you definitely had a twist at the end. I see no flaws in the piece. However, it is too dark for my taste.
I enjoyed your poem very much. I only had to stop once to make sure I was reading it right. The line, "there should be no lingering suspicions." seems to interrupt the flow of the piece. It caused me to stop, make sure of the words and re-read it. However, in all it was a good poem.
Very clever poem. I enjoyed it very much. I felt a smile coming on when I read it, so that must mean that it has that feel good quality so sought after by poets and writers alike. I get the feeling you are talking about yourself or someone close to you. You stayed within the form and I barely noticed.
I very much liked your poem. There were a few things, though, that made me stop and wonder. The comma before the word "landscape" does not feel right. The line would read just as well without it. Most commas are a place where one takes a breath and a breath at that place does not seem to be warranted. The periods at the ends of sentences is one of those things that is the writer's choice, however, I feel if you are going to capitalize the first word of each line, then the period would be inappropriate. Likewise, if you use the period then you must regard it as a regular sentence and only capitalize the beginning of the sentence. I myself have struggled with this in the past, so I know how it rankles.
As for the sentiment of the words, they are lovely. I enjoyed the poems content and you stuck with the requirements of the form exactly.
I am here to review your poem, Memory, May I? I am a fellow writer and my opinions are just that, my opinions to do with as you will.
I enjoyed your poem very much. I found no errors or misspelled words. I would not call this a truly freestyle poem since it rhymes, so it does have some rules to abide by.
I also enjoyed your explanation of the sentiment behind the poetry. I know how that feels. You have done a fine job, so keep writing. Kitty Sutton
Hello, I am here to review your poem April Tears. I am a fellow writer and my opinions are just that, my opinion to do with as you will.
I thought your poem very interesting and heartfelt. It has a sweet message and a good ending line. There were a few places that need fixing though, which are purely technicalities, easy to fix.
“I don’t see a Bird April, what Bird to you see?" The word "to" should be "do".
A child said, “Why don’t you see the bird mommy?” This stanza does not rhyme and breaks the rule
“Please make it free. Just believe mommy believe!” of the structure to your poem.
They are too busy and forget to the hear the Word Take out "the" in this sentence.
Also, some of the stanzas lose the rhythm of the other stanzas and makes a place for the reader to stumble. A rhyming poem must also pay attention to the rhythm of the words. It is as much a part of the poem as the rhyme.
This poem only needs a few tweaks and it will be wonderful and poignant.
Thanks for letting me review your work. Kitty Sutton
Hello, I am here to review your poem Spring once again. I am only a fellow writer and the opinions I give are just that, my opinions. Your poem was inventive and unique. The sentiment was a bit bitter and sorrowful, but good poetry can be like that. The form was a fun read. Kitty Sutton
Hello, I am here to review your poem Spring Spring Spring. I am a fellow writer and the opinions expressed are just that, my opinions. I enjoyed your poem although I have not read many sonnets. I was impressed with your use of visual words. The only critique I must give is the last word in this sentence: "Mating birds play tig." Tig is not a word as far as I know. One other complaint, the poem is almost unreadable because of the color you have printed it in. Lime green is a bad choice if only for the men who are color blind to brown and green as my husband is. Other than that, it gave me a headache. LOL Keep writing. Kitty
This is a very thought provoking poem. There are people who can take the minimum of words and then turn them into something that says more than some can say with many paragraphs. This poem is one of the best I have read. You are at the top of heap as far as I am concerned. Are you sure you don't want to have a poetry volume published? I have a feeling that my publisher might be interested in a poetry book full of poems with a Native American slant to them. Poetry is starting to make a comeback. Think about it. Wado Kitty
Hello Koyel: I am here to review your poem. I am a fellow writer, not an expert and this is my opinion only. I found your poem spot on. You obeyed the rules of the Pleiades poem very well. Your punctuation is also completely correct, except that I would put a comma at the end of the first line. I would also place a comma at the end of line 4 and remove the comma from line 5. This allows for reading this as complete sentences. Other than that, I felt your poem was very good. Below is an example of your poem with the changes I suggested for you to look at. Thanks Kitty
The full moon with its smile,
teases me to a place
that is dreamy, happy.
The utopian world,
totally free from woes
that agonize us much.
The make-believe glad world.
Hello Marci.P: I am here to review your poem. I am just a fellow writer and my comments are only my own opinion.
I love your poem. I am a great animal lover. However, I would like to mention that the example of the Pleiades poem showed that we do not have to cap each line, especially if you want the poem to be read like complete sentences. In your poem, you have complete sentences which span two lines and it makes this more difficult to read when you cap each line. We are trained from school to pause at the end of a sentence and one of the signs of that are that the next line has a cap. You want the reader to follow the flow of your poem, to absorb the meaning and not have things that make them stop and wonder how it is to be read. Below, I give an example of how your poem might look if treated as the Pleiades poem example demonstrates.
Perfect round little eyes,
pleading for mama’s milk.
Paws so tiny and so
precious that you think, “wow”,
putting all this in one
package can’t get more cute.
Playful pint-sized puppy.
Please remember that I am not an expert and this is only my opinion. Thanks Kitty
Dear Ann: I am here to review your poem Depression. I am only a fellow writer and my comments are my own opinions.
I know how hard it is to wright a poem about depression, especially if you have experienced it before, or are in the throws of a depressive attack. I call them attack, because that is what they feel like to me. What I like to do with my reviews is to help you make the work the best it can be. I am not an expert, so take what suggestions you think help or none at all.
First, you have misspelled the title, it is missing an 's'. It is difficult to figure out your intention to make the title part of the poem itself without it being within the syllable count. If that is what you wanted, then you should not cap the first word. And to help get the message across and because you are using punctuation liberally, I would preface the first word with a character that also tells the reader to include the title, or you can rephrase it differently. Also, I would treat line 3 - 6 as one sentence with a semicolon. The punctuation you used is ambiguous and stops the reader from continuing the read to try and figure out why it has all of that punctuation included. I learned the hard way, you must think about the reader. Your reader may not be well versed in poetry and you don't want to make it more complicated that it needs to be. The poem should flow without the reader having to stop for anything but the meaning of the poem. You are essentially trying to touch a persons heart. Making these changes makes the last line more poignant. Below are two different ways you could change the poem. The first, using the title as the invisible first word, and the second, changing the words of the first line as well as changing the punctuation. I hope that some of this is helpful. Kitty
- denies me of my life It denies me of life
during these dark new years. during these dark new years.
Dust covers what once were Dust covers what once were
daringly high stacks of daringly high stacks of
dramas, mysteries, books; dramas, mysteries, books;
distractions from troubles. distractions from troubles.
Distanced from life, I fade. Distanced from life, I fade.
Hello, I am only a fellow writer and this review is just my opinion. I am not an expert on poetry. I was intrigued by your Pleiades poem. All the syllables are correct and the thoughts expressed remind me of the nights I spent as a teenager laying down to view all the stars in their glory.
There seems to be a choppy flow which may have been intentional. If that it is the case, I would take out most of the punctuation except for the colon before the last word. Why? Because with the punctuation I made the assumption that it should read like a normal sentence. And since this does not flow like a sentence then I would cap all the beginning lines. I would try to make it obvious that you mean for it to have that truncated feel to the lines so that you will have admiration for your work instead of question marks and raised eyebrows? Of course I could be all wet, this is just how it struck me at the time. Keep on writing. Kitty Sutton
I found this poem to be superb. Excellent flow and great attention to the guidelines and constraints of the rules given. You managed to relate a feeling about memories that I am sure we all experience. Every human can relate to this poem. Or at least they should be able to. Great job. Kitty
Obviously you are Irish. This was a perfect Irish poem. It speaks of loss, but also of celebration in a tasteful manner after the death of a friend. The fact that the participants put the urn on the bar while they remembered him was classic of the Irish, which I am one of, my maiden name being Kelley. Very good poem.
A very interesting rhythm and timber to this poem. It is obvious that the writer knows quite a bit about the game being played, enough to describe the emotions as well as the plays. I, for one, am a novice when it comes to card play, but the poem was interesting anyway. I thought the writing done very well and I enjoyed the ending. Write on.
This poem definitely has a blue note to it. I take it that there is not a rhyme scheme which is fine. It was written with obvious heartfelt words and possibly you know someone feeling this way. Although the ending is not a happy one, it is a truthful one and therefore instructive. Keep writing on.
This is truly a story you can cry in your beer reading. I had no idea you had this in you Pico. I think though that I would be extremely mad and do a little more than give up. But, I am Indian and Irish, so I guess I sometimes spoil for the fight. Taking the town to small claims court comes to mind. You might become the neighborhood hero. It is just a good thing that your cars were not parked near that ditch or it would be a 'gonner' as well. LOL Great story.
BTW, I have my first book signing scheduled. I sent you an invitation through BJ's and I know you can't come, I just wanted you to know that I would have like you to come if you could have. Wado Kitty
Excellent Senryu. It has that twist at the end that is the reason to read them. Although it is fun to write, a Senryu is one of the more difficult types to write. Irony is sometimes a hard thing to write, let alone satire in so few words. You have carried it off well. This subtle twist sets it off from haiku more dramatically. You should do well in this challenge. Kitty
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LOL What a hoot. I loved this one. Excellent example of a Senryu. The form sets it apart from a form of haiku and you did an superb job of that, plus you have that irony built into it which is the reason why we would want to read one. Very interesting premise as well. Love the last line. Write on.
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This piece has a fun celebratory feel to it. I like the descriptions, exactly what I think of when I remember pow wows I have attended. There is nothing to change with this one. You are right on it. I noticed that you have written a couple of items using pow wows as your subject. You could expand that as a theme for a chapbook. Very good. Wado
I can tell that this particular poem has your heart in it. Your feeling for the People who walked that winter Trail are fresh and solemn. It is a story that some still seek to bury for the shame their forefathers wrought on a rightful people. I do, however, have a comment about the last stanza. Something about it feels like it was added later. It has a disconnect from the the tempo and rhythm of the previous verses. The words of the stanza feel right for the poem but somehow lack the same beat and tempo. So I am not suggesting taking them out of the poem at all, but possibly restructuring and fattening up of the stanza a little. Of course, this is just an opinion. I am no expert in any way. Wado
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