Wow that was powerful , I loved Francesco he was so amazing , but I do think chapters would be helpful here to just divide up the writing so it's easier to read but my god I loved it well done x
Aw very nice I'm looking into children book also I've just finished writing my first one and looking into getting it printed . Um I would say just tug back on the bullying for a children's book it had a fair bit of adult content . How old is Andrew ? Just change a few bits here and there maybe have it spaced out a it more less words so that it's easier for kids to read or helpers to read to them . maybe have a look at some children's books and see how they are layerd out other the. That loved the idea well done x
Hi right read through it all such an interesting story . I would suggest doing something with the twins I get there werewolves but is there a love triangle there like the vampire diaries Valentine stricks me as a Damon . I loved the twist maybe do it so she finds her mother but she realises she is the only one with the power , she could be a like a hybrid again vd or Klaus there for more powerful or you could twist it so that she killed her mother and then can't remember
ah what a masterpiece , beautifully written hates off . i immediately fell in love with Basil and he's charm . i was a bit worried when i read Bella i thought god a twilight fan fic but Bella's character was perfectly divine . i loved the fact that he has a secret and I'm guessing he's a werewolf but she will fall for him anyway bless . cant wait to read chapter 2 full of old fashioned charm .
wow that was so powerful , well done the ending implies she was gonna hang herself or hang him , before the boy woke up. I must say I'm not a fan of poems but i loved this one . In actual fact you could turn that into a short story leading up to why she decided to hang herself.
the detail you put in there without breaking the chain of words was amazing , i will check out some of your other work . Keep writing well done
what an interesting story , i love the idea of demons and hell . Its kind of my area to work with . Is he in hell? or an asylum cos at times it sounds like both ... which is great you could have two locations he is in . A little opening for you would be to make him think theres a demon and having a blood oath to protect it like he's being watched by the cult of the demon etc .
a good example would be he's eye i don't know if you watch agents marvel of shield but in the last ep a woman in it was controlled through a camera in her eye , it could be something along those lines . I loved the woman i thought she was awesome i would like to know what she is Demon , mistress of the demon etc?, maybe show her using powers or an ability to torture him that way putting across the fact he's out of he's depth. There wasn't a description but i find cherry red hair and black high heeled boots scream hell :) all in all i look forward to reading more of your story as i really enjoyed the prologue very much .
can i just ask Why did she shoot he's gentile area? . At the end with the news report maybe word it differently i loved the idea that she killed him , but you just need to add in (police believe it was an accident , at this time as there is no evidence implying murder . the case has been assigned to detectives blah blah , and blah who have been on the case of the serial killer blah blah who has killed many male victims in the same way for years . if you wanted to make her a continuous killer if not just imply the police are treated it as an accident then they suspect murder , maybe have a pice about her watching the police or going to hell whatever you feel works . i hope you found my review helpful i look forward to reading chapter 1 keep going
oh my god , that was beautiful to be honest i wanted to see what your work was like as i noticed you do a similar theme to me . i am gobsmacked what a beautiful sentiment i fully understand why you gave me advice i want to improve my work and make it to a standard that people can enjoy . thank you kate
i really loved this , what an interesting idea . the fact that Mary Ann could be nothing more then her imagination was a amazing idea . i enjoyed the way she called herself mad and the fact you set up a mother that neglected her child causing the child to create something to talk to , like a guardian angel . i loved the twist at the end reminds me a lot of sleepy hollow the last ep when the monster was in the mirror reminds me of the transition of Mary Ann . i would say chapters would be a good idea just to split the writing up so its easier to read . but apart from that i cant fault this at all :) i hope you write some other piece i can look through
kate
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kittykatkate
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 5:12am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
