Wow that was powerful , I loved Francesco he was so amazing , but I do think chapters would be helpful here to just divide up the writing so it's easier to read but my god I loved it well done x
Aw very nice I'm looking into children book also I've just finished writing my first one and looking into getting it printed . Um I would say just tug back on the bullying for a children's book it had a fair bit of adult content . How old is Andrew ? Just change a few bits here and there maybe have it spaced out a it more less words so that it's easier for kids to read or helpers to read to them . maybe have a look at some children's books and see how they are layerd out other the. That loved the idea well done x
Hi right read through it all such an interesting story . I would suggest doing something with the twins I get there werewolves but is there a love triangle there like the vampire diaries Valentine stricks me as a Damon . I loved the twist maybe do it so she finds her mother but she realises she is the only one with the power , she could be a like a hybrid again vd or Klaus there for more powerful or you could twist it so that she killed her mother and then can't remember
ah what a masterpiece , beautifully written hates off . i immediately fell in love with Basil and he's charm . i was a bit worried when i read Bella i thought god a twilight fan fic but Bella's character was perfectly divine . i loved the fact that he has a secret and I'm guessing he's a werewolf but she will fall for him anyway bless . cant wait to read chapter 2 full of old fashioned charm .
wow that was so powerful , well done the ending implies she was gonna hang herself or hang him , before the boy woke up. I must say I'm not a fan of poems but i loved this one . In actual fact you could turn that into a short story leading up to why she decided to hang herself.
the detail you put in there without breaking the chain of words was amazing , i will check out some of your other work . Keep writing well done
what an interesting story , i love the idea of demons and hell . Its kind of my area to work with . Is he in hell? or an asylum cos at times it sounds like both ... which is great you could have two locations he is in . A little opening for you would be to make him think theres a demon and having a blood oath to protect it like he's being watched by the cult of the demon etc .
a good example would be he's eye i don't know if you watch agents marvel of shield but in the last ep a woman in it was controlled through a camera in her eye , it could be something along those lines . I loved the woman i thought she was awesome i would like to know what she is Demon , mistress of the demon etc?, maybe show her using powers or an ability to torture him that way putting across the fact he's out of he's depth. There wasn't a description but i find cherry red hair and black high heeled boots scream hell :) all in all i look forward to reading more of your story as i really enjoyed the prologue very much .
can i just ask Why did she shoot he's gentile area? . At the end with the news report maybe word it differently i loved the idea that she killed him , but you just need to add in (police believe it was an accident , at this time as there is no evidence implying murder . the case has been assigned to detectives blah blah , and blah who have been on the case of the serial killer blah blah who has killed many male victims in the same way for years . if you wanted to make her a continuous killer if not just imply the police are treated it as an accident then they suspect murder , maybe have a pice about her watching the police or going to hell whatever you feel works . i hope you found my review helpful i look forward to reading chapter 1 keep going
oh my god , that was beautiful to be honest i wanted to see what your work was like as i noticed you do a similar theme to me . i am gobsmacked what a beautiful sentiment i fully understand why you gave me advice i want to improve my work and make it to a standard that people can enjoy . thank you kate
i really loved this , what an interesting idea . the fact that Mary Ann could be nothing more then her imagination was a amazing idea . i enjoyed the way she called herself mad and the fact you set up a mother that neglected her child causing the child to create something to talk to , like a guardian angel . i loved the twist at the end reminds me a lot of sleepy hollow the last ep when the monster was in the mirror reminds me of the transition of Mary Ann . i would say chapters would be a good idea just to split the writing up so its easier to read . but apart from that i cant fault this at all :) i hope you write some other piece i can look through
kate
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