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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kittycanwrite
Review Requests: OFF
144 Public Reviews Given
146 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually use a template to move through the major facets of a piece, either prose or poetry. While reviewing, I note places that seem to stumble or that would benefit from technical attention as well as commenting on the over all flow and emotion of a piece.
I'm good at...
Punctuation and grammar is primarily where I focus, but I am also good at commenting on tone and movement of a piece.
Favorite Genres
I am open to reviewing nearly every genre.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories under 3000 words and poetry, both free verse and structured.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Monster  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, there Ravenwand, Rising Star! Author Icon! I have just read Monster Open in new Window. and I hope you find this Rising Stars Member to Member review helpful!


*Monster1* Form: I have never been great at sonnet - it's one I struggle with all the time. From what I can tell and from what I know, you have followed the form throughout the poem and have successfully used the form correctly.


*Monster3* Grammar & Spelling: There were no errors that I noticed in this piece as far as spelling and grammar are concerned.


*Monster5* Overall Impression: I like this modern take on the sonnet that has modern themes and a dark note to it. You paint a great character portrait and set your scene well.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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2
2
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello, Duane Engelhardt Author Icon! I have just read Just Hanging Around Talking Open in new Window. and I hope you find my feedback helpful!


*Mushroomb* Overall Impression: It's a cute flash piece that is light-hearted, reminding me of lazy summer days with friends.


*Mushroombr* Plot: A groups of friends joke about and discuss their fears together.


*Mushroombl* Style and Voice: This story is primarily told using dialog. The voice is impersonal and casual.


*Mushroomp* Dialog & Narration: While I enjoy this conversation and the natural flow of it, I feel the narration is conducted too deeply through just speech.


*Mushroomg* What I Liked: I enjoyed the carefree, light tone of this piece. It really made me think back to summers with friends and just hanging out, not really talking about anything serious and just having fun.


*Thought* Suggestions: I wish there was more narration through description. This piece is nearly all told through dialogue, which can be find, but in Flash Fiction, I always like to see more direction and voice coming from description.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of Through the Storm  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, there intheventofire Author Icon! I have just read Through the Storm Open in new Window. and I hope you find this Rising Stars Member to Member review helpful!


*Burstb* Overall Impression:

I love to see people rewrite takes on popular tales. It's an exercise that I think is really helpful to writers; imaging someones world and creating their own version. Isn't this what we do, really? :)

*Star* Plot:

The young girl in her little home are swept into another world, ala that Wizard of Oz tale. Very cute.

*Burstp* Style and Voice:

I liked the narration in this piece. I think with too much dialogue, the twists would have been lost on the reader. Good choices, here.

*Star* Grammar & Spelling:

wooden gates and they sagged (Do you mean sagged? This invokes an image of something sinking to me, rather than something moving just a little bit.)

relieved to see that, he at least (comma splice – the comma is not needed here)

I ran through my options, it only took me a couple of seconds, my list was worryingly short. (Choppy phrasing. Maybe “I ran through my options. This only took me a couple of seconds; my list was worryingly short.”)

All around me[,] buildings were collapsing.

Trees and bushes,(remove, comma splice) that[,] a minute earlier[,] had looked so at home in the ground, flew past me in flocks.

Stealing into my cell rather than from it. (Sentence fragment. Also, do you mean stealing or steering?)

Mr[.] Derby milking
sitting in an [a] red rusty iron tub

She'd been plaguing Otto and I [me] for weeks.

When I awoke, she was gone, it was all gone, even the colour.(add a space here) It took me an age to

I took a look out of the window,[.] t[T]he whole world looked as though someone had washed it with Uncles [Uncle] M's great black woolen

We'd killed her, Otto and I,[.] I know it wasn't his fault[,] really he's just a cat, but somehow I just couldn't take the blame on my own.


*Thought* Suggestions:

I have made a few grammatical and technical suggestions above. Overall, this is a cute piece that I think you must have had some fun writing. With a few adjustments, it will shine like the yellow brick road!

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
4
4
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Folders need love, too! I hope you find this feedback for OOT's Weekly Raffle Open in new Window. helpful, OOT™ Author IconMail Icon!


*Cut* Overall Impression:
A lovely folder that is cleanly organized! Your folder image is relevant to the folder's purpose and adds a little pizazz to the item.

*Paste* Title:
The title declares the folder is used for a weekly raffle, and the contents thusly abide :)

*Cut* Contents:
The contents are all related to the OOT weekly raffle, and fall within the description of the folder as well.

*Paste* Genres:
It appears that only one genre is selected - Activity.

*Star* Suggestions:
I would suggest adding all three genres if you see fit! Perhaps Writing.Com, since this is a WCD themed activity, could be one of them.

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your gift on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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5
5
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Sean M. H. Delaplace Author IconMail Icon! Thank you for requesting a review from me. I hope you find my feedback for Angel of my Dreams Open in new Window. helpful!


*ButtonB* Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:

This is a piece that I can identify with. This subject matter – of fighting the dark within to find the light beyond is something I believe others can connect with. Most have experienced someone who brightens their life, and some even feel saved by these relationships. It is a topic that is pertinent and interesting to a reader.

*ButtonG* Critique:

Stanza One:
The third line – the word ‘invades’ makes it seem unwanted and unpleasant. Is there another word you could use to explain this feeling? Consider ‘assumes’ maybe?

The third line – the comma separation leads to unnatural flow of the line in alignment with the lines surrounding it. I suggest reading this stanza out loud to yourself to see if there is a more natural flow you can create with rewording.

Stanza Two:
The first line – ‘Elegantly’ as an adverb here might benefit from becoming an adjective. “Elegant and chic” or even “elegant; chic” could be alternatives.

The second line – “Bangs” takes a moment for the reader to understand what you mean. To me, it wasn’t immediately obvious you meant hair. It could have been an action from the woman, it could have been a sound. I suggest changing this to ‘hair’ or another description of the physique.

The fourth line – ‘Provocatively’. I think, as with the first line, changing this to an adjective would be better. “Provocative and sweet”, or “provocative; sweet” would be alternatives.

Third Stanza:
This is the weakest stanza in my opinion. It is also where you rhyming pattern changes. You move into couplets instead of a consistent end rhyme with each line. It almost makes the momentum of the poem feel as though you spliced two together, instead of having one cohesive piece. The world “seems to” come alive. Can you be more descriptive? “While inside” - while inside what? This world? Her? A dream? Inside yourself? The reader cannot see what you do not show them. I believe the intention here to show you are fighting to escape yourself, from your dark emotions and to show this angel helping to break you free, but I had to read along a few times to grasp this.

Fourth Stanza:
A nice summary and wrap up to the poem. I think this is a strong finish.

*ButtonO* Grammar & Spelling:

There were not any spelling or grammatical issues that I notes in this poem.

*Thought* Suggestions:

While this poem is very well written to begin with, I have offered a few technical suggestions in the Critique section. In addition to this, I would encourage you to read this poem out loud to yourself over and over until you are able to tweak it to move just the way you intended. Reading something aloud can help you pick out unnatural wording and places the feel stiff or block the flow of a poem. I would also encourage you to create a solid rhyme scheme – Will all lines of each stanza end in rhyme (AAAA, BBBB, CCCC, DDDD)? Or will you rhyme in an AABB, CCDD, EEFF, GGHH pattern? This is merely a suggestion that might help the poem seem more cohesive, and as always with poetry, the choices are entirely up to you!

This was a piece I enjoyed reading and I enjoyed reviewing. I hope my thoughts are critiques were helpful, and I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to enjoy your work!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your poetry on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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6
6
Review of The Dead Letter  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, there Liam Author Icon! I hope you find this Newbie to Newbie feedback for The Dead Letter Open in new Window. helpful!


*RainbowL* Overall Impression:
This was a very sentimental and touching piece. Dead letters are always something that have fascinated me. I am an avid letter writer, and have known many an item to go lost, only to turn up months later. I've never had anything go missing for more than a few months, but reading about a letter missing for so long... it had to be a good story!

*RainbowL* Grammar & Spelling:
Just one item I really noted.

"This is such a gift," she said, "[remove extra space]you see, my

*Thought* Suggestions:
I have one major suggestion for this piece. There is so much description of the journey and feelings as your main character drives to Mary's home. The story seems to just end after she tells Malcolm about the origin of the letter. I think what would really help round this out is further explanation... What did Malcolm feel? Did he stay to comfort Mary? Did Mary tell him about her son, how he died, read him the letter? If maybe a paragraph or two were added linking Mary's receipt of the card to when Malcolm leaves, I think that this would take this already touching piece to a new level.

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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7
7
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, there Liam Author Icon! I enjoyed reading Invalid Item Open in new Window. and hope you find this feedback helpful!

*Vine1* Overall Impression *Vine2*

My grandfather was born in 1911, so I was able to relate some of his personality to how you described your father and the times he grew up in in this piece. You set your stage well, and tell a sweet biographical story here. It was very enjoyable to read.

*Vine1* Grammar & Spelling *Vine2*


[Remove ‘and’]This is the story of the only time I saw my father laugh.

Charlotte, [North Carolina.]

three children[;] two boys and a girl.

three children[;] two girls and a boy.

Baltimore, [Maryland]

Catawba, [South Carolina]

no surprise that afternoon [no comma] when my father suggested

After some time and discussion[,] we all agreed

That's just what we did.[Could you say something more descriptive, like “we proceeded to then fill ...” It might feel less choppy]

my brother[‘]s back yard.

As we began, I was bucking, that is when you use the chain saw to cut the logs into fireplace length. [this feels choppy. Could you say “I was in charge of bucking, cutting the logs into the proper length, while Malcolm took on splitting the logs with his splitting maul”?]

My father, now in his sixties and rather plump, was supervising the labor. [Good imagery!]

switch for [awhile].

I began[,] I called

was attempting to split.[remove extra period]

handle struck the log [no comma] and the head of the

for my vanity[,] but we all know that bad

The fact of the matter is that he laughed so hard that he ruptured his abdomen and had to have corrective surgery... but that's the story about my relationship to "The Pillsbury Doughboy." [“The fact of the matter” makes this feel oddly out of place for how lighthearted the last bit was.. Could you say “it turned out that” so that it sounds more of a conclusion to the situation rather than a statement about it?]

with great pleasure[, a]nd I've never regretted


*Vine1* My Favorite Part *Vine2*
I loved when you described your father's laughter! It was a great climax to this story and was described vividly and with a tender feeling that I could feel while reading this piece.

*Vine1* Suggestions: *Vine2*

Other than the grammar suggestions I have made, I would have nothing else to say. You tell a very personal and touching story here. I would love to hear more about the Pillsbury Dough Boy story you mention! I think that this piece could benefit from a little length added to the end. Perhaps more description of how exactly your father ended up needing surgery, and perhaps relating it back to the laughter (laughter is typically the best medicine, not what gets you int the hospital! Oh, the irony!) It is always so nice to learn about people through their writing. You offered up a personal tale that showed a bit of you and a bit of your family. Very nice work.

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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8
8
Review of The Cobbler  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, there Liam Author IconMail Icon! I hope you find this Newbie to Newbie feedback for The Cobbler Open in new Window. helpful!


*RainbowL* Overall Impression:
I have to say that when I first found my love for poetry, Robert Frost was my addiction. I carried an anthology around with me nearly everywhere and spent so much time reading and rereading his words. I was instantly drawn to this poem because of the mention of his inspiration for you for it, and the ribbon that adorned it told me I was in for a treat. I was not in the least bit let down. This is a skilled poem with beautiful rhyme, rhythm and imagery. I struggle right now on what to tell you to improve on, as this poem really is a piece of art. Lovely, lovely work.

*RainbowL* Grammar & Spelling:
I have only one suggestion with grammar, and this is entirely a preference choice. I love when poetry is punctuated as if it were prose. I think it helps the flow for the poem and the reader. While you do this through out your poem, I would like to suggest a comma in the following line:

A steady rhythm[,] quite sublime

*Thought* Suggestions:
I can't make any other suggestions. I am trying hard to offer more than that, but as I sit here reading and rereading your words, I just love this poem more and more. Congratulations on your TWO ribbons and on writing a very superb poem!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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9
9
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Western *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression:
I loved the poetic nature of this western item! Very nice handle of the prompt.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:
No issues that I noticed.

*Thought* Suggestions:
None! I loved the feel of this. I could almost see tumbleweed roll by...


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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10
10
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Celestial *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression:
Very poetic writing. I love the observation and description in this piece.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:
Nothing that I saw!

*Thought* Suggestions:
I would have loved this to be a little longer, to describe who the perfection was. Was it a friend? A mother? A lover? It was a pleasure to review your entry!

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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11
11
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Disappointment *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression:
I liked the soliloquy feeling of this. It was personal, emotional, and something anyone could relate to, I feel.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

Just one: do[, b]ut

*Thought* Suggestions:
Other than the minor bit above, nothing! It was a pleasure to review your work!

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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12
12
Review of Coinstraint  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Disappointment *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression:
Great use of the prompt. I like your interpretation. I liked the dark feel of this entry. You've told the whole story while drawing in your reader and having a unique plot.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

[Because else you’d be dead already] *Left*I think you're missing a word here.

”So what’s it gonna be[,] big fella? *Left*Just missing a comma!


*Thought* Suggestions:
Other than the above, nothing! Great work with the prompt. It was a pleasure to review your work!

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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13
13
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Celestial *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression:
I have never seen fan fic entered in a contest like this before. I love it! I'm a big Harry Potter fan, so reading your interpretation was very nice.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

Two quick things! You don't need both a comma and an ellipse. Both would be fine on their own, but they don't need to be used together *Bigsmile*

[house...]

[year... Sirius.]


*Thought* Suggestions:
Other than the suggestions above, nothing! Nice work with the prompt. It was a pleasure to review your entry!

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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14
14
Review of Family Cheers  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Quote *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression:
What a fun interpretation of the prompt! I love this generational piece. Very cute.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

where her [granddaughters] were.

Tom Stoppard said that[,] I believe.”

Grandma, [because] you cheer


*Thought* Suggestions:
Other than the grammatical suggestions above, I have nothing to add. It was a pleasure to review your work!

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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15
15
Review of Ad Astra?  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Celestial *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression:

This is a sweet father-son tale. Doesn't every boy dream of growing up to be an astronaut? Very heartwarming!

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

"What will the astronauts do now, [D]addy? [You said the] space shuttles won't fly [anymore]."

Since Daddy is functioning as a proper noun, it should be capitalized. You don't need a comma after 'said' here, since this is still one thought or clause. "Anymore" should be one word.

*Thought* Suggestions:

Flash fiction should be a complete story, and this felt like the beginning of a bigger story. Perhaps if there were a tight conclusion after the father tells Pete who his namesake is, this would help it be true flash fiction. Perhaps a look of wonder and inspiration on the boy's face, or a comment on his excitement about learning this news. Thanks for entering! It was a pleasure to read and review your entry!

*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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16
16
Review of Longing  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Romance *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression: A very nice narrative! I can't imagine a person who hasn't felt this way before. Good work with your choice of prompt! I love your summary.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: There were no issues that I noticed while reviewing.

*Thought* Suggestions: You have good emotion in this piece. One thing that I think might make this piece really gleam is if there was some description of the reason the narrator loves this person so much. What makes them so desirable? Thank you for entering! I hope to see you back soon!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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17
17
Review of Wicked  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Greed *Star*

*Sun* Overall Impression: Fantastic use of the prompt. I really enjoyed this entry and think you did a great job with this piece.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: There were no issues that I noticed while reviewing.

*Thought* Suggestions: None! I loved this for the greed prompt. I think it was descriptive and told a great tale. Nice work!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

*Pencil* Write On! *Pencil*
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18
18
Review of Hidden Masks  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Proverb *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression: I like the rebellious nature of this piece. I think that teenage angst has brought us all here, at least once.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

Her face held blankness[; h]eld it desperately, not willing to be cracked by the world.

*Thought* Suggestions: Flash fiction is tough. A complete story in 140 words is not an easy task! I think that this entry feels more like a piece of a bigger story than it does an entire and complete story on its own. I like where it is going though! Thank you for entering and please come back in rounds three and four!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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19
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Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Romance *Star*

*Sun* Overall Impression: This is such a unique take on the prompt. I really enjoyed where you went with this. A sweet love tale of a girl and her teddy bear.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

In his home there[,] was love and compassion

mother of three[,] Teddy was suddenly


*Thought* Suggestions: This piece tells a lot. I think if it showed more, making the reader feel Teddy's loss, feel his new love, that mayeb that would smooth the edges on this wonderfully sweet piece. Thank you for entering! I hope to see you next round!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Romance *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression: This is such a sad piece! My heart broke a little for your poor main character.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: No issues that I noted while reviewing.

*Thought* Suggestions: You have good descriptions of the past, of his disbelief that she is actually taken, now. I think that if there was a little more description of her reaction to his silence, that would really round this piece out. Thanks for entering and I hope to see you next round!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Romance *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression: A sweet present tense piece about a fight and the lasting love.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling:

wanted to talk about it[, o]r make the situation

All the while[,] my husband

After getting ready for work, I gather my things and take them to the living room. Hoping that I wouldn’t wake him, and I could sneak off to work unscathed.

I read the card and cr[y] tears of happiness[, t]hinking my husband still remembers


*Thought* Suggestions: I would have loved to see more emotion in this piece. Was the husband sleeping fitfully after the fight? Did the wife forgive him right away? Showing emotion is a great way to deepen a flash fiction piece!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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Review of Time to Burn  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, there Talye Kendrin Author IconMail Icon! Thank you for entering your item at Invalid Item Open in new Window.

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*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Dull *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression: You handle this prompt very well! I feel the teenage angst in this piece. You have great description of action and reaction, which moves this piece along nicely. I really enjoyed your take on 'dull'!

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: I would make the following two changes -

Her eyes narrowed, and she finally spoke. “It better be good. Don’t waste my time.”

He smirked. “Oh, it will be.”

*Thought* Suggestions: Other than the above suggestions, I can find nothing else to comment on. You did great with this prompt and, again, I hope to see you back next round!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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Review of Perfection  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, there Talye Kendrin Author IconMail Icon! Thank you for entering your item at Invalid Item Open in new Window.

*Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird* *Bird*


*Star*PROMPT CHOICE: Romance *Star*


*Sun* Overall Impression: What a sweet, romantic piece! You handled this prompt very well. I love the observation you use in such few words. You really set this scene up nicely.

*Moon* Grammar & Spelling: I only have one issue, if I'm being nit-picky. The sentence below feels like a run-on thought. Perhaps if it were broken up into two sentences, this would flow better.

It made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying when really he just wanted to watch the way her mouth moved, soft pink lips free of make-up[;] she never wore make-up.

Perhaps like: It made it hard for him to concentrate on what she was saying[.] All really he wanted was to watch the way her mouth moved, soft pink lips free of make-up[.] [S]he never wore make-up.

*Thought* Suggestions: Other than the suggestion above, I don't have any additional comments. This was a pleasure to read, and I hope to see you back in round three!


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story!!

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Review of Leather Glove  Open in new Window.
Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, there Warrior Poet Author Icon! I have just read Leather Glove Open in new Window. and I hope you find this Rising Stars Member to Member review helpful!


*Star* Subject: The painful memory of losing a son resonates in this poem. You tell a tragic tale with an deeply emotional impact. You have drawn in your reader and you tell a compelling story that is hard to not shed a tear over.


*Rainbowl* Grammar & Spelling: There were no issues with spelling or grammar that I noticed while reviewing.


*Thought* Suggestions: This piece feels like it could be slam poetry, almost. It lingers on the line of spoken word. It's emotional and touching. The only suggestion I could offer would be to describe what happened to the young son to connect your reader a little more. Your reader won't know what you don't show them. Very nice piece, here.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

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Review by Kitty Can Write Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, there Grin 'n Bear It! Author Icon! I enjoyed reading All that Matters- Flash Fiction Open in new Window. and hope you find this feedback helpful!

*Vine1* Overall Impression *Vine2*

This is an incredibly emotionally charged piece that drew me in with it's description and characters right away. It was an enjoyable read and a touching piece.


*Vine1* Plot *Vine2*

Your plot was one that far too many people can identify with, be them the victim or the friend who feels helpless to help. I know that this item was written for a flash fiction challenge, so there was a word limit, but I felt like I was plopped down into a scene that was already taking place. Perhaps now that the contest is over, there could be more of an introduction to the scene to help the reader flow through the story.

*Vine1* Characters *Vine2*

Your characters and their determination are very dramatic and catching. They drive the plot in your piece and definitely the emotional factor. It would have been really nice to see more description of Sharon, as there was description of Teresa in this piece. It would have rounded out a connection to both characters.


*Vine1* Narration *Vine2*

The story was told primarily through dialogue at the end. I think that more description of the characters actions that accompany the heated conversation would really drive this piece home. What are the characters doing while they are talking? How are they reacting to each other?

*Vine1* Grammar & Spelling *Vine2*

I didn't find any errors that stood out to me while I was reviewing.


*Vine1* My Favorite Part *Vine2*

“Yeah, but I'm pretty sure The Doors said it first, ‘People are strange.’”

This was a great line... It gives personality to Teresa, it rounds out the beginning and the end of the story and it brings in a cultural reference for the reader. The things people will do in these situations are, indeed, strange. No one but the one in it middle can ever understand.


*Exclaim*Remember that these are my personal thoughts and no ill intent is meant by any criticism given above!

Thank you for sharing your story on Writing.com!!

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