This is very good writing. I can follow the plot fairly well. The beginning, middle, and ending are well written. Each part makes me want to continue reading to the next part. As a matter of fact, I believe I would enjoy continuing to the 1st chapter. Good job with this.
I feel that a little dialogue (the kind that is spoken out loud from Joseph Franks) needs to be included in the beginning and middle of this prologue. It would add more suspense to the plot and break up the narrative some. Again this is a good read.
Overall I feel this poem is about average, although I believe that with work it can become better. I liked the rhyme, and how mom is shown to live in memory. I particularly enjoyed the imagery of last stanza of the poem.
I suggest to work on the meter and add punctuation. This will make the poem flow much better. Please let me know if you revise this. I will be willing to re-rate it if you request.
Overall I like the cute idea of how the hot dog progresses from: grill, to bun, to tummy. I believe this poem will grab children's attention. I do suggest to offer a surprise at the end of the poem. I also suggest to add slight variations in the words as the counting progresses. Nice idea! Please inform me if you make any changes. I will be glad to re-rate.
This is a good poem about the saving grace of Jesus. I enjoy how it shows the personal relationship between Him and the speaker. Also this poem is a lovely example of rhyme.
Because this poem is leaning toward a more traditional style poem, I would suggest to make the meter more uniform (like 7,8; 7,8; 7,8; ect...}.
Overall, I enjoyed the devotion that the speaker shows toward Jesus because of His saving grace.
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Chocolate! Hmm! Hmm! Hmm! All this talk of chocolate makes me want to down a hot dark fudge brownie & a cold glass of skim milk. These are great health discoveries about brownies. I imagine this took quite a bit of research. I'm glad to have the information. It gives me the excuses that I need to continue eating chococate!
This is a good bio. It reminds of a bio that would appear in a book jacket. It is concise, but reveals much about you as a writer (and even tidbits about the family). This is a good example of how brevity can be a plus.
I advise clearing some of the "I"s in the 1st . Also there is a typo in the last , "intrigued" I believe you meant.
Overall, I liked the bookjacket-like concise style of your bio.
This is a really good poem! I could see well the contrasted emotions of: happiness in the beginning of the poem, then sadness at the end of the poem. My favorite line is: "An epitaph is written on the bricks."
I suggest that you use normal punctuation and capitalization in this poem. That could make the poem more visually appealing. Also, that could make the poem read better.
The symbolic meanings of the swords: "Guilt" and "Betrayal", show creative promise. The "Dead-Man Forest" paragraph also shows your creative imagination.
There are grammar errors that need to be corrected. I advised that you show more in the plot of your story, instead of telling the reader what to think. When changing dialog between characters, start a new . Also, you may want to make the meaning of the ending clearer.
Although I saw creative promise in this story, I found it to be below average. I believe if the points above are addressed, this will become a better story. This story has potential, so keep writing!
You have done well in showing the psychological confusion of the protagonist. When the protagonist scrubs himself till he bleeds, I could see that he was trying to wash something out of his mind. I sensed his distorted mental state. Good job with that.
There are some grammar errors (punctuation). Also, you are using Third Person POV; therefore, when showing thoughts of the protagonists, specify that they are his thoughts (by using "This is not me. This is not who I am," he thought.) Additionally, I advise that if you are going to use flashbacks, show clear triggers that lead into and out of them (like the protagonist's eyes glaze over before each flashback, but his eyes return to normal when his mind returns back to present time.)
Although I thought you did well with showing the psychological state of the protagonist, presently I feel this writing is average (due to the reasons given above). I believe that this story could become a good Psychological Thriller. Keep writing!
This is a nice tribute to Phil Hartman and the SNL show. I like the light humor of the poem, especially the bit about his "clothes always fit". I also enjoy how the narrator keeps Mr. Hartman alive through memories of SNL. Overall, I enjoyed the light mood of the poem.
The longest line (24) was somewhat distracting for me. It caused me to stumble a little there. The apostrophe was left out of "we'll" (line 26).
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. Also there is a typo in the last 
