I respect that you care for those who were killed but I am not shure that coloring your hair is the best way to express it. a sign somewhere would be considerably more visable.
very good,except for one thing in the 12th paragraph you said lose of blood instead of loss of blood. I also noticed you never mentioned religion in the story. this interests me due to the fact that in every story like this one i have heard people awls talk of how God saved them.
i take from this that war is violent. i know a nam vet. who takes sword lessons with me. he takes them because he used a sword in the war, and now feels he should know how to use it.
this story has an insanely fast pase and lacks all kinds of detail. For example:
"Once upon a time there was a boy named Andy and his favorite animal was dinosaurs. Andy was moving from Texas to Iowa. His friends tried to cheer him up, but he did not want to move.
Andy has four little sisters, two little brothers, a mommy, daddy, twenty older sisters, and ten older brothers."
In this paragraph the characters lack names.
but, this is much better than when i was 8 years old so good job!
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