I like this storyline and the fantastical manner and genre in which the piece is presented.
The storyline itself is imaginative and intelligent.. showing that you clearly put a lot of thought and effort into it.. with fantastic results.
My only comment/suggestion is to check through for technical errors. You swap your tense phrases around a few times which threw me a little and i would recommend you to broaden your vocabulary.
If you can do this then you'll be hitting a perfect 5 everytime.
Love and respect
Kintana x
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