I suppose you'll have to read another review of how awesome this piece is. The idea of something as simple as a floor rug coming to life and committing murder is just so gosh darn creative, not to mention fiendishly chilling. I especially loved this part:
"Then there were those times when she would slip off her sensible shoes and caress me with her heavenly supple toes, like a massage from one-thousand cherubs, their dainty feathered wing-tips like her silken-hose which tickled erogenous nothings that swelled from deep within me."
I liked the part Shelly thought back to the time she met Robert and the progression of their relationship from college students to busy husband and wife of three children. I had to laugh out loud at Jeffy combing the dog's hair with his sister's toothbrush. At first reading, I noticed one error in the second paragraph, fourth sentence "Shelly work in the library. . ."
Yes, busy moms should always be careful what they pray for. Sadly, I stopped having quiet times when the kids came along because of such interruptions mentioned in your story. Thanks for the reminder of the importance of quiet times and thanks for writing this wonderful short story.
What a sweet ghost story! I love that it's about a young couple starting out who enjoy shopping at Goodwill. It kind of reminds me of the early years of my marriage. Also, of their benevolent ghostly benefactor. Could it really be of an old lady delighted that her favorite teacup and saucer have been reunited? Just lovely! Thanks for writing this, it put a much needed smile on my face.
I feel like this doll sometimes. Thanks for writing this lovely poem that conveys the message that beauty isn't always defined by what's pleasing to the eye.
History repeats itself for poor Daphne. Miss Dian is a hoot with her pointed questions and she skillfully exposed Daphne for the shallow, vapid gold digger that she is.
Oh my goodness, so funny! Your words just set the scene so nicely. I really enjoyed reading this, congratulations!
I remember those days with my youngest. She was also adamantly opposed to diapers and Pull-Ups, but had accidents from time to time. It was a great source of pride for her, like Rodney, to be in her undies. This would make a nice book for children transitioning from training undies to regular undies. I like how Rodney became humbled and noticed no one teased him about his accident and he became more supportive and helpful to his classmates. Good story!
This poem is lovely, just as it is written. I think you did a wonderful job with your message and rhythm. If you'd like to change it, your #3 option would work well.
Good job! This is nothing to "facepalm" about. It has rhyme and rhythm, it's a lovely poem. It's nice to see you let your poetic side out for a little while.
Lilli's Question of the Day brought me here. I enjoyed reading this and chuckled all the way through. It makes me glad to know that true love is still out there, even in the age of the "hook up" (I've been telling my 50 something friends this, they don't believe me). Your essay is funny, informative and optimistic. Thanks so much for writing it.
I really like the way this is written; the reader can actually picture the moments mentioned in this poem. Also, it doesn't rhyme; a poem doesn't have to rhyme, necessarily. When I read this, it makes me feel happy, warm and contented. Thanks so much for writing this lovely poem.
What the *blank* did I just read? All I know was that I was reading a sweet story about man perusing puppies at a local pet store for his girlfriend's birthday present when it suddenly turned into...this! I was totally blindsided. Winner!
Love the gradual build up and chilling climax, you're so gifted at that. Poor Eddie, he didn't know what hit him. Royalty has it's price, I wonder how's Mandy going to pay? Great story, sounds like a winner to me.
Wow, can I ever relate? I really enjoyed reading this story, I laughed out loud at Janet's geek magnet comment. David seems thoughtful, sweet and loving, the kind of husband most wives want to have. I loved the role play, especially when Janet rebuffed him. It made David step up the charm even more. Thanks so much for writing this.
I will be reading with keen interest because I have been toying with going vegan for a month as well. I decided to forgo sugar, sodas & sweets for Lent and that was a MAJOR challenge. Best of luck to you in this endeavor.
I have never heard of this poetic format before; it's very interesting. It takes a special amount of talent to be able to do this and my hat's off to you for doing such a cohesive job. I enjoyed reading it and thanks for writing it.
Wow! I love the way you describe a failed marriage in its beautiful, promising beginning.
This poem is a reminder for me to mend any breaches in our marriage. I feel like it's pretty solid but, I notice I tend to hold on to things longer which makes me resentful.
LOL, loved this! It kind of reminds me of my dad. He's a Marine and completely matter-of-fact. My favorite part was when Santini screamed in fear of having an accident, Joe was cool as a cucumber and grading the poor guy down even though the car was having mechanical problems.
I could have written this myself. I, too, was a "Swiftie" until she turned into an intentional Pop Princess. I do not like her new stuff, it just sounds to me that she's trying too hard to come off as sexy and psychotic. To make matters worse, I have a daughter who absolutely adores her and loves her pop stuff.
Maybe one day, she'll pick up her acoustic guitar and do more stripped down thoughtful, wistful music. Thanks for writing this.
This is a very lovely, touching poem. I admire poets, juxtaposing words in a lyrical quality for effect is a wonderful skill. In the second stanza, second verse, did you mean "you're" as opposed to your? That was the only issue I had with your poem, other than that, it's perfect. Thanks so much for writing it.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, it kind of reminded me of Indiana Jones, the female sorceress remixed version. Your writing is very descriptive, yet concise. It's so difficult (for me anyway) to get the perfect balance of being descriptive and not over the top. Thanks for writing this.
This is a lovely tribute. I hope your wife likes it. I kind of paused when I read, "Even though other might find you dim," but, no one is everyone's cup of tea all the time :). Also, it's wonderful to know someone is always in your corner, so to speak.
I don't have any suggestions on how to improve upon your story; it's perfect just the way it is. I didn't realize his wife was part of the deal, too, however, I did have the feeling he was acting too rashly for his solution to his dilemma. Thanks for writing this; I enjoyed reading it.
"There are no happy endings in rock and roll. . ."
I'd like to think that more grounded musicians can live to a ripe old age and die peacefully in their sleep. However, even older musicians have to pay the piper for the overindulgent lifestyles of their youth. I like this piece you've written. It's straight forward and tells an all too familiar story.
By the way, have you ever heard of Kevin Gilbert? His story just begs to be written.
PEACE,
Kim
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