Ha! Espero. You are a fine poet. I have read quite a few of your works and all hit the spot with great rhyme, rhythm, story well told. Something I do not see here often is rhyme that is not forced. All of yours flows of the read just nicely. I feel that the sign of a good poet is that the rhyme is something not noticed as you read. It should just be there like it has always been there. Your writings feel a lot this way. I won't comment on all of them individually as I would have to say the same thing on each.
The story. well told of days when young on the family farm. Brought back many memories to me of the old folks I once knew.
Rhyme. Not forced, easy to read out loud.
What I liked most. The last line. we were so free and felt at home
at that great farm where we had grown.
Hello, again Shivam. Hope you don't mind but I checked out some more of your work. I really do think you have talent. But if you do not mind I've added a few comments between the lines of this one. I don't want to rewrite it but here are a few suggestions for you to work with. I'm not big on grammar but if you want folks to take your writing seriously proof read over and over.
What is light,if there were nothing to be shone by it,
'Perhaps, What is light if there is nothing for it to shine upon?
Add a space between the comma and "if"
these objects of bright a reminder of it's materialistic glory;
I think it should be its not "It's"
And what is light,to a needy child,sitting by the window beneath it,
Light,to. Add a space light, to. Again a space between child and sitting.
In fact check the wole piece for this same mistake.
where he sees the world shine by it's luminescence,except the darkness within;
Same in this line.
And what of light,if it ain't bright,
Pace missing again here.
Also the use of "ain't" the use of this sort of lowers the feel of the whole thing for me. Try some thing like "And what of light were it not bright" or something like that.
would it still be the signature of hope,an aura of positive,
And here space.
which it does proudly carries;
This line doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps try. "which it does so proudly carry"
Would it be still more divine,
if it's all,except of as it is?
Space here again.
Very nice sentiment in this piece. We are all loved by our parents whatever we become.
Yes, the problem with being a poet is that many of them never see any real gain from it. But what the hell eh! keep writing. Kev.
Nice sentiment in this piece. Please take my suggestion as just that and change nothing as you see fit. You could work on meter a little. Like a song, look at beats to the bar in music. Just makes the reading flow better.
Like,
Because my broken wings won't heal
So I decide to strike a deal.
Interesting piece, Please take my comments with a pinch of salt. I think with a little more work this could be really really good. One small suggestion to make it read easier. break it up as below.
She’s deeper than your shallow;
She’s broader than your narrow.
She’s brighter than your blind;
She’s kinder than your cruel.
She’s sharper than your blunt—
Her joys are greater than your sorrows.
Her sad is sadder than your laughter;
Her laugh is louder than your tears.
And her life is fuller than your fears.
If this is it, I had already read it. I intended to comment when I had time, so I'll make it now. To speak of my thoughts first, this poem really touched me. I knew many old men in my youth who fought in WW2. Some told stories of the beaches on D Day. All horrible tales of death and agony. Most all dead now, so no more tales.
The Poem. The first line "Live to tell others of these days" But do we listen?
I think not.
Well written poem and would make a good poppy day poem.
Change nothing.
I'll read more of your work.
That's a pretty sad poem. I like broken heart stuff. You have written this in such a way it almost sounds like a phone call from a broken-hearted lover.
Hello, Faith R. This is a fine epitaph you have written here. " I took the path you cannot take" As yet. "It's till we meet again" I can see this on the headstone of a loving couple. Not many are brave enough to write about death in such a way. Change nothing its just right as it is. I see no grammatical mistake and enjoy the rhyme. You might think of meter in a few places but it does not distract much and it could be the way I read it.
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