I felt this was very linear. Im sorry i just didn't enjoy this. The flow of it was off also, i tried reading it outloud and it still sounded alien. Keep practicing and Write On!
This is very deep, very touch, the government would say "unpatriotic" but i say its 100% true. America needs to wake up before its too late... if its not already too late. Hopefully this poetic masterpiece gets around and opens some eyes. This poem has also found its way into my heart as one of my favorites. Outstanding job and as always write on!
The bond between mother and daughter is very special, and you captured that in your poem! Another very loving and heartfelt poem about your kids. Janice great job and obviously your an outstanding mother! Kepp up the great work. Write On!
This is really a wonderful poem, very heartfelt and loving! You really show how much you love your children and that makes this all the better. Your rhyme scheme was great and very pleasing when read outloud. Outstanding work Janice! Keep up the great work and as always Write On!
This was outstanding! It captured deep emotion and sadness living in a bad area of town, I was really able to relate to the main charecters. The flow of this was good and when read out loud you could hear the emotion bleeding out of the words. Write On!
I thought this was very sad and full of sarrow. But it was an outstanding poem! Great flow, and the rhyme scheme is really good. The only problem i had was in the 7th stanza you didn't follow your previous rhyming scheme. But other then that minor fault, this was outstanding, Write on you have talent!
This was ok. Not my favorite though. I see you have much potential, you just need to work on your flow and rhyme scheme. Please reference on of my recent works,
I found a few typos in this also. Read this over and check you puncuation, theres a few missing commas, periods, ect.
"These noises are made with 'do you dare'" this line doesn't make much sense to me, i read it over a few times and i would suggest changing it.
"Are you willing the come here" i think the should be they.
"This is a a dream,not real,it's all wrong" spaces should be added.
"I can now rest" I would suggest changing this to "Now i can rest" it flows alot better and still holds your original meaning.
The end of this throws me off a bit, it doesn't really go with the rest of the work.
Ofcorse these are all just opinions and i know people sometimes dont like construtive criticism. I wish you the best, for you do have alot of potential.
I really enjoyed this story. There were a few grammer errors, i would just re-read outloud and see how it sounds. But the story was great and im looking forward to the next part. Genuinly creepy and a sense of dispare. Keep on writing, you've got talent. Maybe you could take a few pointers from Chapter 1 of Hopeless. Its my book in progress about the end of the world and about one mans struggle with the forces of evil that drives him to the brink of insanity. Thank you very much for the read.
Awsome! I really Loved this piece. Vampires, Witchs, Biker Gangs, you dont get better then that. I also like when Lana started chanting and Evan heard the words but the mysteriously slip his mind immidiately after. Gets me thinking a movie about witchs vs. Vampires...just a little food for thought ;) keep up the outstanding work and thanks for a great read.
If you have the time please read one of my pieces, preferably chapter 1 of Hopeless, i think you will really like it if your into horror. Thanks again
I honestly didn't find this very helpful for me when i get writers block. I usually smoke a cig, or make some tea or coffee, go for a walk, anything, to get my mind off the fact that i had writers block. Once im done with whatever i decided to do theres no more writers block. But thats just my solution, im sure everyone has their own way of fixing their writers block.
I really enjoyed this. It was new, refreshing, and genuinly creepy. Im an avid horror reader and this really caught my attention. This is a good, dark read that leaves you wondering, and wanting more. Hopefully there will be a continuation in the future.
Well my opinion is that this is not good but not bad. I enjoyed reading it very much but there was a few mistakes that i caught. In the first stanza, line 3 there should be (It) before originates. Stanza 2, lines 2 and 4 don't really make sense, you should go back and re-read them. Something that usually helps me is reading my work out loud, listening to the flow of it, then i have someone else read it outloud to listen for any awkward pauses by the reader. Stanza 3, i thought was pretty good. Stanza 4, Line 2, i think there may be a typo with (keeping) and you possibly ment (Sleeping). Stanza 5 and 6 are ok. Stanza 7 is good just Lines 1 and 3 need commas. Lines 2 and 4 need periods. Stanza 8 is my favorite of them all, summed up your poem in a very creepy way. Keep it up, you have a future in writing.
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