Good points it is well written and I can truly see the emotion that you are feeling it is tangible. However it does not seem to flow right some of the lines need to be re-written to give make it feel more like a poem. For instance "You and I had a special bond, a bond that not every one understands or are blessed to have." I would re-write this "You and I had a special bond. that only we seemed to understand and few others blessed to have." To note the beginning of it could be its on line it can sand alone allowing for a even greater flow. As you can see by switching a few words and altering slightly it gives it a more poetic feel. Like I said this is not bad I really enjoyed it. It is well written and the emotion is tangible which is the base of any great poem I am not saying you have to do what I wrote it was to as a example. Keep it up
It is very nice of the few poems I have read on here it contains great emotion and similes but it does not flow right. It starts of strong than it becomes harder to follow towards the end like in the second to last stanza "he her true love and eyes" it just does not belong it is confusing and seems out of place. Yet as I said earlier it is one the better poems I have read on here because I can picture this in my mind just would recommend some revision.
I thank you have a great start. I think the protagonist should have a more eye catching introduction not saying what you have is bad but from the readers perspective I am not as griped by it. In the end boss it will be good great lay out and a interesting story.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kenjones2689
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 10:10pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
