*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kelleyco
Review Requests: OFF
2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Roles We Play  
Review by kelleyco
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I enjoyed the message of this item. Being a mother myself, I can understand the point of view and commiserate. The examples of being a girly-boy and a tomboy were appropriate – touching and witty. The only struggle I had while reading this piece was with some spelling and grammar. In particular, the first paragraph’s ‘gradually-ated’ was confusing. I couldn’t tell if this was an amusing family way of saying graduated or gradually. Later, there was an awkward sentence - ‘Being the mama that I am, I signed him up for a dancing class, which is when, did things go wrong’. There was an awkward switch in the middle. The talk of the three year-old boy being a ‘boys-boy at heart’. After reading further, I think you intended to talk about the twin girls, but maybe not? It needs some clarification, but later you refer to Ammu and Aishu. It seems those two are, in fact, girls. I assume you were setting up the finale of you piece where you discuss your observations about boys being stuck in the boy world, but girls being able to move between the two.

I enjoyed your observations and you made compelling arguments.

I liked the repeated phrase ‘being the mama that I am’. It brought out the hidden poetry of the piece.

All in all, the core of the piece is solid and compelling. It just needs some tweaking on the grammar and spelling and I think this is a solid piece of writing.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kelleyco