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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/keimi
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5 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Havoc  Open in new Window.
Review by Keimi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
First of all, good effort. I think you picked a topic with a lot of potential.

I like the imagery of the monster. Maybe play that up a little bit more.

Also, I think rhyming is overrated. Don't feel locked in to words just because they rhyme. Don't be afraid to play around with synonyms a little bit.

The line "I had love in what I was" is unclear. Possibly rephrase it.

Overall, decent work. Thanks for sharing and keep on writing!
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Review of Dolphin  Open in new Window.
Review by Keimi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I applaud your effort, but honestly, it needs a lot of work, in my opinion.

Firstly, the rhyme scheme confuses me...it doesn't seem to have any pattern. Plus, the fact that most of the lines rhyme makes the poem seem...cheesy.

I think that there is a lot of potential in this poem. The topic (dolphins, killing dolphins) allows for so much imagery and emotion. The dolphin itself is a beautiful creature, and has potential for symbolism.

I don't really understand the use of the ampersand (&). If it were my poem, I'd probably spell out "and."

I also would reconsider some of your word choices. You seem to use a lot of common words, so maybe look up some synonyms for those.

Thanks for sharing and keep writing!
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