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2 Public Reviews Given
2 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Kayr Sharp Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Naoimi

What a delightful read. So vivid and dreamlike. I immediately imagined being with you all in that boat. Such beautiful memories and I can hear all the emotion in your words as you describe not only your family and life but the landscape and amazing scenery. I do not care about a writers spelling, punctuation or grammar as these are quick fixed and bears no relation on the wonderful picture that you have painted here. Most of all what a terrific and moving tribute to your father. I think I felt that the most, shining through in the emotional testament to how fine a man he was.

I think if am am ever feeling gloomy I would read these words again and fly away in my imagination to a better place and time, on Pescador island, smoking sword fish by the mighty lighthouse.

Thank you for sharing, and thank you for your kind review of 'The lighthouse'

Kayr
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Review of My poetrys 🙃  Open in new Window.
Review by Kayr Sharp Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Your sentiment and feelings all all there, but the lines are quite 'clunky' Dont be afraid to structure your words to fit your lines and forget grammar, For example you could have written;

I love you, but how can I say?
My heart is burning for you're absent flame
I paid love's price, but who will care
It ripped me open, tho' still holds me there

My broken heart, in silent screams
Can only hold you in my dreams
drowning me in cruel desire
you're sea's extinguish my love's fire

And tho' it hurts, I'll love you still
Knowing it may break my will
For who will feel my weighted pain
My love is fallen tears as rain

These reasons why I feel so bad
You made me happy, then made me sad
But who would care, in a world so cold
You deceived my love, and my heart was sold

So you hate me, though I gave you all
And you want my shattered heart to fall
You hit me, hurt me, ripped me in two
And though I lay broken, I still love you
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