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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kaylove94
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11 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am very good at editing and giving thorough constructive criticism. In your request, let me know if you want a certain kind of review or about anything imparticular you want me to look at or consider. If you cant afford 900gp (it won't let me go lower) email me!
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Going Up?  Open in new Window.
Review by Sawyer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
I feel like there should be something in the beginning that indicates the elevator stopped. You say that it started going up, but I think the story could be improved by more out of dialog detail. How did it feel when it stopped, what physical signs of stress is the female experiencing. She claimed to be freaked out about being stuck, but showed no signs of distress. There was not much meat to the story. There was no real point to it. Maybe try writing this again with some conflict and more time stuck.
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Review by Sawyer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I love the sound of this piece! However, there are a few places where you loose your flow. That is not a huge hindrance, but you have done a lot to work to stumble once or twice.

You have several misuses of ";"
e.g.: "and not just any nuts; but the Walnuts of the Tree"
You use commas with conjunction (and, but, or). Semicolons join two complete sentences. "but the walnuts of the tree" is a fragment not a sentence.

"There was a prize to pay" perhaps price would sound cleaner? It would flow a bit better.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Tapestry  Open in new Window.
Review by Sawyer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
This part:
I have been instructed on what is acceptable and what is not done;
I have been told what I should accomplish and how I should have fun;

Deviates from your "sound". Keep with your flow! There are some places where it is appropriate but when you deviate it breaks it up.

Overall good piece!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Sawyer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I d really love this piece, which is rare for me. I am not into poetry...like at all. Haha
I love how the farther you go into the poem the more you get an idea of what the narrator is. My first thought was a car and then I realized it was a bike.
The detail is amazing. I feel like I can see the bike.

If you have some time, I have a "story"/"slam poetry"/unknown piece called One More on my page.

I am having an issue with it. It was originally a story, but then a friend reformatted it to look like a poem, claiming that it was more like slam poetry. If you could give it a look over and help me from a poets perspective that would be amazing.
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kaylove94