This poem was awesome in many ways, but i only am going to talk about this part. I can't help you, because you don't need any. I like how you used parallel structure in your poetry to make it sound right, in addition to putting emphasis on time. It seems like you knew what you were doing. I would like to reccomend that you submit your work to a literary journal or something like this, so you can get more publicity, if you wish. Good job.
Good job. I really liked the introduction. It is definately an attention grabber. I also liked your description. It gives someone's mind a mental picture. You also used some good words(i.e. assiduously). I generally don't like scifi, but for some reason I really like yours. Once again, good job!
Sweet story!!! I really like how you overcam your fear of drowning. I personally think that you did an awesome job with this. My English teacher would have given you an A++++. It is great. I have a fear of swimming, and your essay opened my eyes, and makes me want to get out there and start swimming.
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