HAPPY BIRTHDAY WDC!
My first impression after the first read through is that this is going to be a thriller! I don’t mean the genre – I mean you have painted a wonderfully frightening scene.
Now down to the details. I’ll deal with the first paragraph, because I’m sure this is just the “as it came to me version.” You are likely to find most of the corrections when you reread it and check the spelling.
You might consider ‘woke’ in the first line, then a comma instead of the period. The first two lines should be one.
The next three lines should be one sentence.
I stumble around the room franticly feeling for a door, window or something, but there is nothing just brick walls and dirt floor; panic consumes me.
The next sentence has an extra word – all makes no sense where it is. Perhaps you started with ‘all my screams’ and changed your mind?
While there is nothing truly wrong with the next sentence, it is a little confusing on first read. A suggestion would be
I fell back against the wall, sank down to my knees and sobbed. This may not be exactly the picture you are painting, but I think you can see how it is clearer. It just needs a little TLC.
The last sentence of the paragraph needs a question mark.
The only other thing I would mention is to watch your conversations. They need punctuation and separate lines.
Great start for a story!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .